Sevan Matossian (00:00):
Bam. We’re live. Bam, we’re late. All right, fine. So be it. The beautiful Sarah, no, she canceled. I’m joking. She didn’t cancel. Ooh, that’s hot coffee. Uh, Sarah’s gonna be a few minutes late today. She was kind enough to let me know. Oh, let’s see. She got, we got a new, uh, message from her. Um, uh, we, oh, maybe, maybe we are gonna reschedule. Holy shit. Uh, lemme see what happens here. If you are going to be more than 15 minutes late, we should reschedule. I’ll send a heart.
(01:26):
I don’t really see it as a no-show. I understand how maybe you guys see it as a no-show. Not in my, uh, delusional world. As long as I’m, as long as she for, to me, a no-show is, they didn’t even tell me. Oh. Oh, you’re gonna be live either way. Yeah. Thank you. That’s true. I’ll be putting, you’ll see me put on my tow spacers. Uh, either way, this is my third time putting on the to, or third or fourth time. I’m, I’m starting to lose count. I’m, you know what’s crazy is I’m starting to get kind of, uh, addicted to the tow spacers already. Like the sensation, the two hours of it. I don’t even actually want to take them off when the show’s over.
(02:12):
The thing is with the no show too, is I, well, may maybe, I don’t know, maybe for some, this is a little self-serving, but like, before it used to freak me out, like, what am I gonna do with the show? But now I’m like always prepared to do something or have someone else on, or you guys will call in, or I, God, I got so much shit to talk about. I’m always preparing. I always have one more tow spacer I could put on. So, um, I almo, I, I would almost prefer, I almost prefer she doesn’t come on than kind of be in limbo like this, right? Because I gotta get in a mindset. Are we gonna be talking about chopping off people’s body parts and killing babies? Or are we gonna have a loving in, uh, conversation with, uh, Ms. Sarah Sigmans daughter? So I kinda have to be, you know, I have to figure my shit out.
(03:06):
I have to get in, I have to get in a certain mode, an emotional space. Corey, what’s up dude? How you doing buddy? How are you doing? Um, Mike Halpin in the comments. Uh, Anita tow spacer, uh, camp to get the big money. Oh, that’s not like, just down low down there somewhere. It’s like a crotch shot. Would it be facing towards my crotch or away? Did you send her the link? What you my mom, you know what’s funny is, uh, that’s a great question. Did I send her the link? Oh, yeah. You know what’s funny is I, um, uh, let me see, let me know either way. Um, what’s funny is, uh, I, I never sent the link the night before and I did, and I did send, and I did send it last night. I sent the link. I sent it to, uh, her agent, snowy, the great snowy. I sent it to her email. It’s like, has her name right? Ganar, ganar Ganar. Sarah Sigmund’s daughter. Na. And then I also sent it to, uh, her WhatsApp. And I, dude, like I have to really like someone to WhatsApp them.
(04:21):
Oh yeah. That could be it. Cock talk, uh, with, uh, oh, thank you Heidi for the tow cam. Uh, and Kenneth LA wants to do cock talk at Home Depot. Uh, Johnny, uh, Savon. You think Dave’s Olive oil company will sponsor the show? Oh, that’s interesting. Oh, that’s interesting too. Eric, switch it up and just have snoring on. Be like, and just start by ridiculing it. His, uh, his talent didn’t show up. I was, I was, I was, I was all, I was cannot believe the numbers of how well this show is doing right now. It’s like, it’s as good as it’s ever been. Bigger than it’s ever been in terms of minutes watched and just how many peop how much traffic the YouTube station’s getting.
(05:10):
And then I went over to Hiller’s and I was like, oh shit. Hiller’s having an explosion too. He had two massive videos back to back. So then I’m like, huh. Then I went over to talking to League Fitness and they’re having an explosion. But, but you, you know what it was like, it was like I was, I, it, it did take to steal some of my thunder. It’s kind of like, um, some girls attracted to you and then you find out she’s sleeping with the whole football team and it’s like, what? I guess, you know, take the good with the bad. Uh, California, let’s use that much electricity in one California. Let’s use Oh, you mean to have a good to have? Oh, oh, oh, oh shit. Here we go. I saw it come in and it started with, I’m so sorry. Oh shit. Wow. Wow. <laugh>.
(06:07):
Ah, God. See Sarah, I love Dear Sarah Sigmund’s daughter mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the most beautiful of them all? Um, okay. Uh, so she’s getting her hair done, but I’m gonna say, oh, fine, fine. We will reschedule. Um, I prefer you sweaty anyway. Fuck. I don’t think she’s in Iceland. Let me see, let me see. I can see the person doing her hair is Asian, so she’s probably in China. That would be my guess. Oh, does she have a, is that a, is that a Bible in the, uh, what one of what books? She’s, what is, what are those books in the front? Hmm.
(07:02):
Um, I will be in Berlin, uh, from Monday. Okay, great. Me, me No care. Uh, she’s late, but she’ll show, uh, I just spoke with her. I’m gonna, I’m not even call him Snorty anymore. He’s now, Mr. Snowy. We’re, we’re off a friendly basis. I, I just spoke with her, Mr. Snowy. Uh, we will reschedule. She and you. What’s cool is she said, she actually sent me a picture of her getting done up. She has like a Chinese lady doing her hair, Chinese ladies doing, uh, hair all around the world. Lots of a, I don’t even know if they’re Chinese. Uh, lots of Asian women in the, um, what do you call that? Hygiene, beauty? Upkeep. Well, shit, uh, let me see. Uh, um, uh, my guest canceled.
(08:11):
Um, alright, so, um, or shall I say rescheduled? Uh, I’m e I’m, I’m even proud, uh, to tell you the truth, that, um, I have the ability to pivot like this. I didn’t even, and, and I never know what’s gonna happen. Like if I’m gonna start sweating or start tripping or, but, but I’m, for some reason I’m not. It’s all, it’s all good. Okay? And I don’t even, I don’t, to tell you the truth, you know what was fucked up? Did you guys see the show yesterday with, um, uh, oh, and I’m so fucking prepared for Sarah, dude. And I’m so prepared for Danielle. And, and listen. Ding Dongs. I know you guys [inaudible] Okay, so something really is wrong with my equipment. How am I gonna know that Travis is calling to tell me shit, how long have I been muted? Oh, and that’s fucked up too. Wow. I’m guess I’m gonna have to send this back. Amazing. God damn it. I’m so sorry, guys. I got a new, um, I got a new road caster and, uh, better again. And you guys were basically, well, this is good that she didn’t call in. I’m gonna switch this thing out tonight. Put the old one back in.
(10:28):
Isn’t that amazing? That thing just mutes by itself. Okay? The phone’s back connected. I wish, how am I gonna know if I mute? How am I gonna see down in that little corner if I mute myself? You’re in the bathtub talking. Audio’s jacked. That’s not your good mic. It’s my good mike. It’s my fucked up soundboard. I got a new soundboard and I don’t know if I get, you guys can hear me now though, right? Still, it still sounds like that someone call back in and talk to me for a second. So weird. I guess I could turn off this audio board. Oh, shit. Shit. Doesn’t even see the soundboard. Maybe cause I’m, I’m muted again. Shit. Sorry, Jody. I got Travis on. Can you hear me now? Um, fuck.
Matt C (11:45):
Nothing’s. Oh, now I can hear you.
Sevan Matossian (11:48):
Yeah, I think everything’s working now, but I, but did you see, did you watch yesterday’s show with Alex Stein? It, it was, I almost had to cancel the show and then for some reason it started, it started working again. This is not true. Amateur hour. That is not true. Matt c Did I lose you, Travis? I did look at everything’s been good for 30 seconds. I’m not talking Jody. Then let’s see. Jody, what’s up? Hey, can you hear me?
Jody (12:41):
What’s up?
Sevan Matossian (12:43):
Hey, I’m having serious issues. I appreciate you calling being part of the test.
Jody (12:48):
Glad to be part of the test.
Sevan Matossian (12:49):
Do I sound good? Do I, can you hear me okay?
Jody (12:52):
You sound good, but it’s been hilarious listening for the last few.
Sevan Matossian (12:58):
I I don’t know why it’s like this.
Jody (13:01):
I can hear you fine. No.
Sevan Matossian (13:03):
Okay,
Jody (13:04):
Let me just say, let me just say hello to all of my seven Easters in the chat group.
Sevan Matossian (13:08):
Okay?
Jody (13:09):
It’s Jody Lynn. Jody Lynn, the cabinet gal.
Sevan Matossian (13:14):
I always appreciate your generous donations. Thank you.
Jody (13:17):
Oh, thank you. You’re welcome.
Sevan Matossian (13:22):
Uh, Eaton Beaver anyway, says, uh, this is a pro. Joe Rogan would never go live. Yeah, there you go. There you go. The glass is half full.
Jody (13:31):
Devon, I just wanna tell you, please, you’re always talk, you’re always talking about throwing, being a needle move, showing up for the regionals. They, they would sell out in a second.
Sevan Matossian (13:48):
Ah, God, that would be awesome. That, okay. Let’s say that is true.
Jody (13:53):
Okay?
Sevan Matossian (13:53):
Let’s say that is true. Let’s say I could somehow in, well, here’s the thing. O okay, you wanna, can you hear me? I keep getting muted. Can you hear me? Uh, I had Dave on the show and I told Dave that I could increase L one sales by 10% and he didn’t even flinch. Yeah. And, and so that means that there is some mon they’re either in denial, they think I’m a liar, they don’t believe it, or there’s some monster egos in the way that for whatever reason, whatever I represent, um, isn’t, isn’t, is, isn’t, um, worth, uh, making money for the company. And I guarantee the owners of the company would not, uh, would disagree with that.
(14:49):
Yeah. And imagine this though. Imagine this too. So imagine what, how much tamer I would be to CrossFit HQ if they brought me in. So if they were like, Hey, Chevon, every single regional, we’re gonna fly you in and give you a soundproof booth where you can do the podcast. You think I’d be fucking talking shit? I betcha it’s tame by 50%. I bet you it’s seen by 80%. Oh, we can’t hear Jody. Oh, you can’t hear Jody now this is fucking crazy. Uh, Mason Mitchell, this audio problem would never happen on a Jocko podcast. Yeah. Cuz they’ve invested all of their money in audio. Um, instead of getting cameras that can shoot in color, <affirmative>. Yeah.
Sevan Matossian (15:39):
Mm-hmm.
Jody (15:39):
<affirmative>. And then Dave Astro shows up with his rolling suitcase of olive oil. Your podcast. Like, what’s the difference?
Sevan Matossian (15:47):
That is some funny shit that you just said,
Jody (15:51):
<laugh>. I mean, all of a sudden pulling out like he’s the traveling salesman now he’s gonna sell us <inaudible>.
Sevan Matossian (16:08):
Hey, would you blow me? Is this your first podcast? No, my first podcast went much better than this. But thank you for asking
Jody (16:15):
<laugh>. All right. Hey, I gotta go cuz the customer’s coming,
Sevan Matossian (16:18):
So, okay. Thank you. Sell a cabinet.
Jody (16:20):
Take care.
Sevan Matossian (16:21):
Okay, bye. I’d love to have her over to my house so she can tell me how shitty my kitchen is. My kitchen is disgusting. Uh, this audio would never happen if you were on peptides already. Probably Audio’s completely gone. Now it’s comple. It’s fucked. This is fucked. Oh, here we go. Here we go. This is just gonna be the show of just like me, just, but I’ve already accepted, I’ve already accepted this. I’m not even stressed. Hey, Travis.
Matt C (16:52):
So, so we didn’t hear half of what said,
Sevan Matossian (16:56):
She said, you, she said, you walk with the swagger of a man who has a 10 inch dog
Matt C (17:02):
Damn shaping too. Yeah. Um, and she
Sevan Matossian (17:07):
Said, and she said, and she says, it’s hilarious that, that I really like this, that Jocko comes onto to, has Dave come onto his podcast to help him sell his shit. But then Dave comes onto your podcast to sell his shit. So who’s the real needle mover? And I, I kind of, that, that made me semi erect.
Matt C (17:27):
Dave Dave’s duffle bag of goodies was a little odd. I’m not why?
Sevan Matossian (17:32):
Well, in, in his defense, you know what, he had a, he had a loaf of bread in there that his wife had made with some dip that she homemade dip she had made.
Matt C (17:41):
Oh,
Sevan Matossian (17:42):
So, so, so Castro
Matt C (17:44):
Oil and, and Castro oil needs to happen.
Sevan Matossian (17:47):
And I know that he’s working with fucking crazy vigor, uh, to get that shit, um, labeled and, and bottled before the street parking event. So he can fucking take advantage of Miranda’s, uh, um, uh, party and, and ma make money, leverage Miranda’s street parking crew and sell them olive oil.
Matt C (18:09):
Go for it. Hey, if that’s his new passion, cool. I don’t blame it.
Sevan Matossian (18:13):
I know. Um, uh, Daniel Gardy, some callers sound like the most amazing, amazing audio ever. Then some are garbled and spotty. That has to be a clue to what’s going on. I don’t know. So two things are going on in case anyone gives a shit. I’m muting every, every once in a while, I’m just automatically muting. And every once I have this device here, this soundboard here, it’s called a Roader Pro two. And every once in a while it’s just dr It’s just dropping off the network. And so it’s turning on the microphones, uh, on the computer. And so it’s, it’s just a joke. It’s fucking, I I does
Matt C (18:48):
The road, does the roader control the video also? Because you’re No, my res my resolution says 10 80 and you’re grainy. And some, some other people were commenting that
Sevan Matossian (19:00):
Too. Am I still grainy right now? If you look over at your screen
Matt C (19:03):
Yeah. It looks, it looks like seven 20 or worse.
Sevan Matossian (19:11):
I’m looking at um, I’m looking at, um, I’m trying to see if I’m, uh, cuz I, because this computer is on wifi and hardwired the hard It’s hardwired. It’s hardwired What a trip. And it’s normally not like that. The Miller’s therapist. God, this is a fucking joke. Well, I’m glad Sarah didn’t show up
Matt C (19:38):
When Jr when JR was having issues, he had better results on his wifi than you did his landline.
Sevan Matossian (19:45):
Yeah, but he, I live in
Matt C (19:46):
Her office.
Sevan Matossian (19:47):
I live in How dare you.
Matt C (19:51):
That’s probably part of the problem. He
Sevan Matossian (19:52):
Li he lives, he lives in the South
Matt C (19:58):
California limits your electricity. You’re probably, you’re probably cutting your electricity off.
Sevan Matossian (20:02):
Newt. Uh, se takes side of the internet connection in the uk yet here we are. Good thing Sarah didn’t show. She’s too perfect to be greeny. Here’s what I’m gonna do. Listen, I yeah. Blow the roader out. I’m going, uh, I’m going to, uh, switch back. I have the old roader. I’ll switch the old roader back in tonight for Danielle, Brandon, and I’ll return this one. What a shame. Uh, doesn’t have these problems.
Matt C (20:27):
And double check the video. Is there, is there a way you, uh, lift
Sevan Matossian (20:34):
The buttons? I never push Sorry, go ahead.
Matt C (20:37):
Did you just get attacked? Yeah. Is there a way to test, is there a way to test this without going live?
Sevan Matossian (20:47):
What? No, I mean, yes, but I, but I don’t care. I’m, I’m not, people can say all the shit they want, like, fuck you. Like they, everyone who comes to the show already knows what they’re getting. Listen, I’m pr
Matt C (20:58):
Inland’s not gonna put up with this shit.
Sevan Matossian (21:00):
Oh yes, she will listen. I, first of all, it’s not, it’s gonna be fixed by then, but, um, uh, she just wants to go anywhere where she can be herself. The, the, the only thing I, so Sarah did tell me this morning, she said, Hey, I’m gonna be 15 minutes late and get my due done. I said, okay. And then I just started thinking all I have to do for 15 minutes is make sure, like, I don’t wanna talk about trannys abortion, um, violence, just like anything like to, to kind of taint the show. Right. Um, prior to her coming on. So that, so that it affects people who don’t want to hear that shit. Who wanna see her. But instead I got this perfect gift of just my shit not working.
Matt C (21:38):
<laugh> tell her to wear the orange top. It’ll all be
Sevan Matossian (21:42):
Good. What a deal. Yeah. Oh, for Danielle? Yeah. I wonder. I I I can’t believe she got her nipples pierced. I would never have pierced her if those were my nipples. I would’ve never pierced ’em.
Matt C (21:54):
She’s had that forever.
Sevan Matossian (21:55):
She has? Yeah. Have I ever asked her about it?
Matt C (22:00):
No.
Sevan Matossian (22:00):
Oh. Well, here we
Matt C (22:01):
Go. Because you’re a gentleman.
Sevan Matossian (22:03):
Is it normal to do b Well, tonight I’m not gonna be, uh, I I want to hear all the details. Like, was a man holding her breast like this? And then, and then I can you imagine? No,
Matt C (22:15):
They use a, uh, they use like tongs and they clip ’em shut to hold the nipple. It’s not a dude just holding it
Sevan Matossian (22:22):
Just like hold, I just pictured a dude holding cupping like underneath her breast and then, and then just like putting a gun right on her nipple and firing it through it. Oh
Matt C (22:33):
God. It’s also not a gun. Come on.
Sevan Matossian (22:36):
You don’t think it’s a gun? It’s a
Matt C (22:37):
Needle.
Sevan Matossian (22:37):
Yeah, but it’s a, it’s a its gun with a needle on it?
Matt C (22:41):
No, it’s a handheld needle. Oh.
Sevan Matossian (22:43):
Are you fucking kidding me? The guy pushes it through manually.
Matt C (22:47):
So they use it. There’s like a, it all, it honestly looks like tongs that have a clip on ’em. So they, they squeeze it. How do you And they clip it. How do, so it stays. I’m well-traveled.
Sevan Matossian (22:59):
Do you have your nipples pierced?
Matt C (23:02):
God no. That’s gotta hurt so bad.
Sevan Matossian (23:07):
Tommy Rodriguez, 4 99. Sarah’s like the hot girl that pretends she will go out with it and uh, go out with you and never shows up. I’ve never had the hot girl. Uh, I haven’t had that experience. Hey, hey. Um, don’t they, don’t they use a gun on the ear, isn’t there? Uh,
Matt C (23:26):
Depends, depend on the part of the ear. Cause the gun can only go through so much. So if you do like your upper ear where it’s cartilage, they use a needle.
Sevan Matossian (23:35):
Oh
Matt C (23:35):
My God. Your nose. They use uh, I think with a nose they use a needle.
Sevan Matossian (23:38):
Hundred percent. Danielle, Brandon doesn’t show tonight. Shut it. Shut it. Nate? Uh, Audrey. Uh, what about the cl? Yeah, Travis. What about the cl? That could be a good T-shirt. What about the clip?
Matt C (23:52):
That dunno. I dunno. That one.
Sevan Matossian (23:55):
Oh my goodness. Hey
Matt C (23:58):
Audrey, do your research.
Sevan Matossian (24:00):
Well, I wanna hear all the details. If I, I wanna hear all the de well, someone, someone said, um, uh, the nipple piercing’s pretty good. It makes ’em pretty sensitive. I don’t who wants their nipples to be more sensitive than they already are?
Matt C (24:15):
What about the, oh shit. Who
Sevan Matossian (24:17):
Do piercing places down below? Piercing places? Don’t use guns anymore. Only cheap mall places use guns. Wow. Okay. Go ahead. Sorry, Travis. Yeah.
Matt C (24:26):
What about the Prince Albert?
Sevan Matossian (24:29):
Oh my God.
Matt C (24:33):
I can’t imagine what that feels like. Nor do I want to,
Sevan Matossian (24:39):
You don’t think the dude holds your penis?
Matt C (24:45):
That one? I have no idea. I haven’t researched that one. I not nearly as entertaining as Sarah. Sorry.
Sevan Matossian (24:59):
No, no. You’re doing good. I, uh, um, <laugh>,
Matt C (25:01):
Uh, I just wanted to let you know what, what was going on with the video feed.
Sevan Matossian (25:05):
I just asked another guest to
Matt C (25:06):
Come and here we’re talking about wieners.
Sevan Matossian (25:09):
I asked another guest to come on and they said, um, they will. And now I don’t wanna have this guest on Bec. I just said I had equipment failure. The show will be over in five. Isn’t it weird that now it’s working?
Matt C (25:21):
Every, everything. I was say, everything seems to be working now. I haven’t seen any complaints.
Sevan Matossian (25:28):
I wonder why it’s always the first few minutes of the show.
Matt C (25:33):
Yeah,
Sevan Matossian (25:34):
I’m not, I’m not getting, have no idea. I’m not being muted automatically anymore. Any of that stuff?
Matt C (25:43):
No, it’s just the video.
Sevan Matossian (25:45):
The video still ass.
Matt C (25:48):
Yeah, it’s just grainy. It’s definitely not hd. Hmm. Okay. I’m let you go. All right. I have work to do.
Sevan Matossian (26:06):
Thank you. Did your vindicate get your CEO shirt now? Are you still selling CEO shirts?
Matt C (26:11):
Shit? Yeah, dude, tank tops are doing really well. Okay. Women are loving them.
Sevan Matossian (26:16):
All right. Thank you.
Matt C (26:17):
Oh, paper Street Coffee’s right? I’m good luck.
Sevan Matossian (26:20):
Yes. Oh, why? Oh cuz everything worked. Oh dude. Hillary’s
Matt C (26:23):
Therapist working now. <laugh> just
Sevan Matossian (26:24):
Donated a thousand dollars to the show. Thank you.
Matt C (26:27):
Shit. Yeah, I’ll stay on
Sevan Matossian (26:30):
Another weird shit. My resolution says 10 80, but it’s not that clear. Video is good on my end. Yeah. And Yansen on, on that island out there.
Matt C (26:40):
What the hell? He is not used to. Good, good video. It looks normal to him.
Sevan Matossian (26:51):
Oh shit. Look at that Chase Brian. My god Damnit my sweaty ass just reported a message. What does that mean? He accidentally pushed a button that reported someone <laugh> on accident. That’s awesome. No, not aisle of me. I
Matt C (27:05):
Agree. Dev Vash, you’re a good
Sevan Matossian (27:07):
Dude. John’s in the uk. Alright, uh, get your vindicate. Get your c e o search at vindicate. Thanks brother. Sure. Bye. I, I don’t know what to do with this, with this situation. I, I hate sending stuff back. But this thing was a thousand bucks. This thing. Does this thing have to be sent back?
Sevan Matossian (27:42):
Nikki Nielsen? Uh oh. That’s not good. Does my voice sound funny to you guys? The fuck? Hello? Oh shit. Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello. Hello. Hello. What the fuck happened in my voice?
Sevan Matossian (28:01):
Hello? Hello. Voice Affairs. Oh my God. I
Sevan Matossian (28:18):
How about now?
Sevan Matossian (28:20):
Now,
Sevan Matossian (28:22):
Now, now I’m back to normal. Uh, Nikki Nielsen Dkk 200. I always listen on Spotify. So this is me paying my monthly subscription. Holy shit. Well, thank you. Choice Lifestyle and something else. That was cool. Oh, I’m finding all sorts of cool shit about this as I start punching the buttons vindicate for that nice ad read. Thank you. Go to vindicate vn d k eight.com. Get your c e o shirt. Don’t accidentally buy the wrong shirt or else the money will not go to me. I did sound like a Smurf. I’m ready for Sarah Sigmund’s daughter. Hey, you know what you want to do. You wanna know what is cool. If you go to that Ls uh, KD website, they have her shit featured. Like she’s the, she’s the big d she’s the big dog there. Look at that. That’s, that’s their homepage. Six time CrossFit games athlete. I didn’t know she’d been on the podium twice. Pretty impressive. Th this is the new, um, this is the new, uh, kind of CrossFit clothing, right? It was, uh, it was, uh, um, who are the other people? Not, I always want to call them brute strength, but they’re not brute strength. I have their joggers. Shit. I can’t think of it. But, but I see these shirts everywhere now. L S K D.
The above transcript is generated using AI technology and therefore may contain errors.
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