Liver King Goes Vegan?

Not on my watch.

By Dan Straub

Liver King was on Logan Paul’s imPaulsive show recently to discuss the ancestral tenants, and of course, to share his testicles with the boys. Tried as he might, Logan was unable to struggle-down the fleshy pink organs, though his effort was commendable. If you haven’t had time to consume the show yet, here are some takeaways:

Liver King’s adult beverage of choice is not a kale smoothie mixed with bull-semen. If you guessed grain alcohol, take a shot. The caveat is that Liver King will only tolerate celebrating after he has done something difficult. If Liver King didn’t earn it, I mean really earn it by putting forth some real god-damn effort, then Liver King has no reason to celebrate. After a few shots of Everclear, you might catch him out on Liver King Ranch, running naked while beating his chest, moments before him and Liver Queen do the ultimate primal dance.

The boys asked Liver King which ab exercises he recommends to get such a spectacular belly-shield. After all, who doesn’t want to be accused of being juiced to the gills? This was laughable because Liver King lifts heavy shit, and has relied on perfectly optimized hormones to express his peak form. Sounds like you won’t catch him doing crunches any time soon. All you soy-boys take note, adding one pound of lean mass each year can transform you in a decade. So, stop playing the short game and go earn that shit.

After taking agency to clean up my own life, I realize how Liver King’s message is so badly needed right now. He is calling people out for their weaknesses, for their love of comfort, while showing there is a better way. You just have to be willing to leave your cave and go after it. Take massive action, take massive risk, take a massive shit, and then get out there and do the damn thing. Don’t shy away from failure. “Liver King out.”