Sevan Matossian (00:06):
Bam, we’re live. Probably most of you guys aren’t into Instagram statistics, or maybe you are. Maybe I’m wrong. I’m not very into them, but I want to be into them. And I like talking to Hiller because he gives me insights on how to look at them or we share, we discuss ways to look at them besides just the dumb shit that people look at. So I know some people are into likes. I literally never look at those, but I like comments, like the more comments the better. But yesterday I was having a conversation with him, and my account does not get a lot of, if you don’t follow me, you don’t get to see my stuff basically. I don’t know if it’s Shadow Banning or what they’ve done, but they’ve made it so that it’s really different. My stuff doesn’t get shown outside. Maybe it just sucks, but it’s nuts. So this video I put up this morning, and this is the kind of stuff I’ve been looking at a little bit more lately. I shouldn’t say lately. Last 48 hours, I noticed this, this video I put up this morning with about the Wolverine, 30% off at swine on Black Friday sale.
(01:34):
There’s this stat on my phone and it tells you how many of your followers have seen it and it says 1200. And then how many of your non followers, meaning are they showing it to other people that don’t follow you? It’s four. It’s four. Four non followers and 1200 followers have seen it. But what’s crazy, this is what I was looking at, 4,200 plays. That means every person who sees it’s watching it four times. It’s crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy. I made a post lying to you guys. By the way, Laura Horts not really coming on the show. I just wrote on there. See you soon. But that’s false advertisement. How about her? She won the National championships in hungrier Bulgaria. Hungry, hungry, crazy. She’s a beast. There’s something I need to tell you guys. I can tell you guys about all the uhoh. Darn it. That’s not a good sign. My live calling notes are jacked up again.
Sevan Matossian (02:53):
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. That’s a bad sign.
Sevan Matossian (02:59):
That’s a bad sign. California peptides any orders this week with Code Seon will receive 10% off and free shipping. So normally I think if you use Code Seon, you just got free shipping, I always forget to tell you guys to use the code. Try using the code on anything I talk about. Maybe there’ll be some sort of discount. But the ca peptides ca, peptides.com, any orders this week with code seven will receive 10% plus free shipping. I just got that from them last night, so that’s pretty cool. I’m trying to make sure I don’t lose my show notes.
(03:45):
Sometimes they don’t sync with my phone and my computer freaks me out. Okay, there we go. All good. Phone on. You think the phone works today? Nope. Of course it’s not set up. Ann, what’s up? How are you? Ann Street. Ann Street. Good to see you. Have I seen you before? Age is no excuse. Old Lady Gaines. Alright, cool. Dildo. If you have app praise degradation kink, it means your private parts are voice activated if you, I dunno what that means, but nice to see you, Adam. Good morning, asymmetric ears. Good morning, Katie. Astro. What’s up? Oh, you’ve watched it 20 times. It’s crazy how she goes like this big black and she actually puts her hands out like this. Dude, you wouldn’t believe the size of my big black. And then, yeah, it’s pretty cool. She set it up. Perfect. Rambler. A good stats for the cult of Seon. Alright. Loyal fan base. Heavy. Yeah, it’s pretty cool. It’s more than cool. Did you guys see Daniel Brandon selling her couch? Seon? Do you shake hands with those hands? I sure do. Coke Nail and all. Look it. I’ll put it with a black background. There you go.
(05:15):
Anyone else need to say hi to you? Robbie? What’s up dude? Mr. Shindel Decker. Bruce Wayne, what’s up baby? Queer’s a $3 bill. Yes I am. Sean. What’s up dude? Good morning. You know what’s weird is when I’m looking at my Instagram and I realized I’m not following someone that I thought I was following, I realized I wasn’t following Tony Lauer the other day and he’s my friend that I’m like, what? Sev dog? No one’s called me that since college. Hey, I really want that couch. I wouldn’t share that publicly with anyone, but I really want that couch. It would be dope if I had that in my podcast studio, wouldn’t it?
(06:02):
The Danielle Brandon Couch. My God. Mr. Weeded, what did I have for you? I had something for you. I can’t remember. I can’t remember. I want to tell you guys something personal and private that I normally don’t share, but I’m going to share after Laura, maybe I told you already. After Laura won the Rogue Invitational, I text her, I said, Hey, nice work. And she texts back. That’s the first time in a couple years she’s texted back. I can tell you what she said, but she actually had to pick up her phone and thumb some shit.
(07:03):
Get me a U-Haul and drive it to you. I know. That’d be so awesome. She should donate that shit to the show. I want to talk about it on the CrossFit Games update show on Friday. I wonder if that, does that mean that her and Snookums are done? I told you that story. Alright, alright. Alright, settle down. Settle down. Oh wow. Another look at the self-help book this morning. I like a fresh look. That’s cool. No, no, no, no, no. That was different. She texted who’s this and losing my numbers. That was the first time I texted her. She said, who’s this? And how’d you get my number? That was the first time. That was a couple years ago. No, no, no, no. This is new guys. This is new. This is since then. This was the first time. This is since then. I’m just telling you just like after she won Rogue, get your sev von Trivia. Correct. Come on. Who this?
(08:05):
Sean. What’s up dude? Morning Savon. How’s your back? You know what’s interesting about the back thing is I had hurt my hip a few months ago. It was a trip. I’d never had anything like that. And Chase Ingram was nice enough to FaceTime with me and show me how to roll it out. And he’s like, Hey, if you do this, it really hurts and breathe into it and I’m really good at hurting and breathing into shit. It’ll go away. And he was right. It was a hip pain that I had for a week nonstop. I rolled it out and it never came back. I think it was it band or not a hip. I rolled something out that was on the side of my quad, I can’t even remember, but I just put a shit load of fucking pressure on it with a 45 pound dumbbell barbell and I rolled that shit out and I went away. I couldn’t even believe he was, so I’ve been taking a tennis ball in the same vein of what he told me, and I’ve been putting it on where my back is really fucked up and just breathing into it and laying on my back.
(09:11):
I can walk every morning. It’s crazy. Normally if I remember years ago when I’ve hurt my back like this, I can’t walk in the morning sucks. I have to crawl around and shit. But last night I rode these salt bikes slow for two hours. I watched a bunch of Tommy G because I thought he was coming on this morning, not two hours, 200 calories. I rode these salt bike for 200 calories and then just rolled on my back on that tennis ball. So thanks for asking. You didn’t look rocked and Susie’s live moving Well, the Long John game was strong. Thanks. Yeah, 10 minutes. I mean the first 10 minutes I was savage and then I got, if it wasn’t for Pool boy, I would’ve stopped for sure. And it’s probably good I didn’t stop. I mean, I really started seizing up.
(10:00):
Olivia, does anyone have experience using a hydrogen water machine? Looking into it for my health issues? I don’t. Jedi Nelson, I feel you. S standing for me in the mornings are difficult also. Oh, Hiller’s latest commercial. Which one? There was one I didn’t like, but fuck. Everyone liked it. Lemme see. Does he got a new one? I didn’t dislike it. I just thought was it didn’t get my attention. I wasn’t, I didn’t want to give it my attention. Oh, is this it? Oh, oh, shit. Something new. Okay, let’s look. Let’s look, let’s look. Look. Here we go. Here we go. Hiller fitt. The voice of he’s passed the Lone Range Rub as the voice of CrossFit. Here we go. Oh, I can’t hear anything. Oh shit.
Speaker 3 (11:11):
Now learning a board.
Sevan Matossian (11:14):
Oh, I don’t like it already
Speaker 3 (11:16):
With these movements is never learning. Not learning a board.
Sevan Matossian (11:22):
I didn’t hear a word. He said, how come that’s not written on the screen? I didn’t hear a word that just said, I didn’t hear a word. Yeah, it’s horrible. It’s horrible already. Stupid joint kids doing anything with that much weight. I hate anything besides brick muscle if or stupid, horrible jerk. I like the thought of having a kid. I ain’t into it. I have to talk to Andrew. What’s Greg even saying in the beginning here?
Speaker 3 (11:58):
The risk with these movements is never learning them not learning ’em poorly.
Sevan Matossian (12:05):
The risk. Oh, well then I guess he did use examples. I wonder why he didn’t use them captions and have that written on the screen. Greg said the risk of these movements is not learning them as opposed to learning them poorly.
Speaker 4 (12:21):
Music
Sevan Matossian (12:26):
That maybe that’s what he was going for.
Speaker 4 (12:33):
Just like a little bit of sloppy movement
Sevan Matossian (12:35):
And
Speaker 4 (12:36):
Dangerous shit. Oh, that kid’s core was just a fucking mess. Manilla.
Speaker 5 (12:49):
Alright.
Speaker 6 (12:55):
No, I think it’s important, man. Maybe tomorrow night, go look at a bad affiliate.
Sevan Matossian (13:01):
Ah, God, the audio’s so bad. Fuck this thing. It’s just noise. It’s just noise. Sorry. Strike two for Hiller, but you guys like it. So let’s see. You must have a large media team love the promotion better than anything HQ has put out. Well, that’s for certain. That’s for certain. Actually, I’m going to give this a like how do I like this? Oh, here we go. It’s brand new. Yeah, good on them. Boy, you want to see it is a trip. What’s going on at hq? I don’t know if you guys saw this on one hand. I want to be like, oh wait, look at this, Caleb. What’s up, dude?
Caleb Beaver (13:52):
Hey.
Sevan Matossian (13:53):
Hey. Good to see you.
Caleb Beaver (13:54):
Likewise.
Sevan Matossian (13:55):
I’m glad you’re here. I have something to show you.
Caleb Beaver (13:57):
Oh, good.
Sevan Matossian (13:58):
I found T Tranny, Caleb.
Caleb Beaver (14:00):
Really?
Sevan Matossian (14:01):
Yeah.
Caleb Beaver (14:03):
I would love to see this.
Sevan Matossian (14:05):
I don’t know if you do, buddy. You might need a poll. Okay, so you type in CrossFit into YouTube and then you scroll forever and then you go to videos and Oh my goodness. Oh no. Oh, they have two more videos up since then. Oh, I need to watch these. This is fucking bad, dude. CrossFit. Pull this one down guys. This one is really, really, really bad. Look at this is a CrossFit video that just went up and look at this is the first image, second image, third image, fourth image, fifth image. I’m done. I’m already done. Sorry. And you want me to read that shit on the screen? And I guess maybe that’s why Hiller’s making commercials because they’re doing this and then
Caleb Beaver (15:09):
What’s what’s wrong with that? Why don’t you like
Sevan Matossian (15:12):
It? There’s nothing keeping my attention and I can’t even see what’s going on.
Caleb Beaver (15:16):
Oh, because it’s opaque. There’s a black film on. Yeah,
Sevan Matossian (15:20):
There’s a filter on it. It’s too close and I’m not interested. So here’s the thing. If you’re only going to show me this, at least make me be like, okay, shit, I want to see more. You either got to go closer or further. It’s like in the horrible zone.
(15:39):
Yeah. What is this? This is supposed to appease me because this is supposed to appease me because it’s a morbidly obese woman standing on a box and celebrating the whole power in that piece is the drawn out version, not the quick shot of that. This is just bad. And I feel bad for smashing them because at least they’re trying. But I think we’re too far beyond that. You know what this feels like? This feels like you just opened an affiliate and your cousin made a video for you promoting your affiliate CrossFit. Beaver come to CrossFit Beaver at the Shakin. We might not have a working bathroom, but we have two acres where you can privately piss and shit yourself. Toilet paper.
Caleb Beaver (16:22):
We have one working bathroom.
Sevan Matossian (16:23):
Oh, okay. Sorry. My bad. I don’t mean to misrepresent the shakin. We have a potty. You can pee in. Don’t drop a deuce.
Caleb Beaver (16:31):
Exactly. Much better.
Sevan Matossian (16:37):
How would you remake it? I would change the music and use all different images and I wouldn’t have all of this writing. If you’re going to make a 48 second piece, it needs to be just bam, bam, bam. Thank you. It’s got to be fire. If I didn’t make, I would almost feel bad that I wasted my time watching this if I wasn’t in the space of obsessing on CrossFit. This is a cool image, mom walking in with a baby and it says Welcome badass. I mean, that’s cool. But then why do you have this? You don’t need this writing on here. You have something for me to read and you have writing and you have a powerful image. It’s a mess
Caleb Beaver (17:25):
Pushing the stroller into
Sevan Matossian (17:26):
The, you watch it and you tell me, I’ve watched this video 10 times. I still couldn’t tell you what the point of it is. I don’t want go. I don’t want to go work out. It doesn’t make me, it does nothing for me. It doesn’t make me want to take my mom there, my kids there. It feels like either two things, corporate douche baggery, or really low rent. They have a thousand things to choose from in the past that they could have chosen. I kind want to start a stopwatch and sit down and just edit a commercial myself. Now that I’m seeing Hiller doing it and they’re doing just be like, okay, this is what it should look like.
Caleb Beaver (18:14):
Probably look a lot better.
Sevan Matossian (18:21):
Can you name a company as fuck as CF Inc. That fully recovered, give up and start a new real one in August? Yeah, I don’t think this brand, that’s the thing. I don’t think this brand is, what’s the word? It’s like bulletproof. This brand has sat on so many grenades even the whole time I was working there, man, dude, this thing is bulletproof. That’s the cool thing about it. This thing can take some fucking massive hits, massive hits. I mean, look at the Catholic church. I mean, they’re just fucking, they got this image that they’re just molesting. They’re just molesting little boys. But as long as you got the fucking connection to God, you’re still good.
(19:10):
Sima. You’re being too harsh savvy. This is fine. At least they’re doing something. Hold that thought. I hear you. You make fun of them for doing nothing and now you do something and you are so critical. So let me start by saying, I said that in the beginning. I admitted that it’s hard to be critical, but if you come to my house and you tell me it smells bad, and then the next time you come over and you’re like, dude, it smells worse in here. And I’m like, but I sprayed fart spray everywhere to make it smell better. Are you like, well, at least he tried. No. No, you’re not. You’re not going to say that.
Caleb Beaver (19:47):
I almost wish they would just stick to something.
Sevan Matossian (19:49):
I want to tell you this line that Craig Howard said, and I’m paraphrasing, all we want from HQ is not to fuck up. And I think that this is a fuckup, this, I don’t think this, I don’t think this speaks to anyone. Do you think this speaks to anyone? I don’t think this speaks to anyone. Caller. Hi. My phone works. Perfect.
Speaker 8 (20:19):
Yeah. Hey.
Sevan Matossian (20:21):
Hey dad.
Speaker 8 (20:22):
Hey, I have a question I need to warn you. You might get offended by the question, so fair warning, but it’s a genuine question. So Greg Glassman,
Sevan Matossian (20:36):
Yes.
Speaker 8 (20:37):
I get the impression he doesn’t really work out.
Sevan Matossian (20:40):
Okay.
Speaker 8 (20:42):
Do you know if that’s true and do you know
Sevan Matossian (20:47):
He’s allergic to it
Speaker 8 (20:51):
To working out?
Sevan Matossian (20:52):
He’s afraid he’ll get injured,
Speaker 8 (20:57):
I guess. Okay, well,
Sevan Matossian (20:59):
Reason I ask brother, people have asked him on this show. People have asked him on the Mark Bell podcast on the Mark Bell podcast. Mark Bell asks him if he works out. Did you see that?
Speaker 8 (21:10):
I haven’t watched that one, no. Oh
Sevan Matossian (21:13):
Yeah. There’s a section in there. I’m not offended. I’m not offended. Totally fair question. A guy is leading a fitness
Speaker 8 (21:21):
Thater,
Sevan Matossian (21:23):
Guy’s leading a fitness movement, a nutrition movement, and a lot of people say he doesn’t work out. There is one thing you should know about him, about not my place to say, but I’ll tell you anyway. Greg Glassman had polio as a kid and Greg was supposed to be, yeah,
Speaker 8 (21:45):
I did know
Sevan Matossian (21:48):
Probably six two or six three. And when you stand next to him, and he has the wingspan of a man who’s over six feet, but he’s my size, he’s five five and five six, and he has a massive barreled chest. So there’s times when I’ve gone swimming with him and seen him with his shirt off when there’s not a scrap of fat on him. And people on the internet are like, man, he looks fat. And if you look at his arms and you look
Speaker 8 (22:12):
At him,
Sevan Matossian (22:13):
You’ll see striations in his forearms and you’ll see his one massive quad if you look closely when he is wearing jeans, because the one leg he does have
Speaker 8 (22:21):
Stupid.
Sevan Matossian (22:23):
But check it out to be, I’ve never said this on the air before in all the years that I’ve known Greg, I’ve never worked out with Greg except maybe once or twice. I think I did some rowing with him and maybe occasionally I’ve done some pull-ups with him, but I’ve never sat down with him and done Fran or anything like that.
Speaker 8 (22:40):
Yeah, yeah. No, that’s interesting. That’s interesting. I know, I guess just from, so I’m a member of CrossFit gym. I love CrossFit in terms of people who are hundred percent bought in on the methodology. I think if the leader of the movement looked like Rich phoning more people would give it more. And maybe that’s not fair, but do you see what I mean?
Sevan Matossian (23:03):
I do see what you mean. I don’t know. Maybe I would’ve agreed with you at some point, but I know I don’t agree with you anymore because here’s the thing, it’s the fastest growing chain in history at its peak when it was growing, it was growing faster than Starbucks and McDonald’s and Subway combined, all three of them. And I know a lot of that has to do with the low barrier of entry, but really I think we all would agree that it has to do with the fact that, holy shit, we all did it for two weeks and we can’t believe the adaptations we went through.
Speaker 8 (23:35):
Oh yeah, absolutely. And
Sevan Matossian (23:37):
So I think that the fact of the fact that he had, in the 2008 movie, every second counts, he puts his hand on Jason k Lippa and he points and he goes, this is our product. And so I don’t know if I agree with you. No, I don’t. Sorry. I do know I don’t agree with you, but also I’m not mad at you for, I’m not like, Hey, that’s a dumb thing you’re saying. I get the sentiment. I get the sentiment.
Speaker 8 (24:04):
Yeah, it’s one of those, I’m not even sure if it’s fair to think that, but I do think that, do you see what I
Sevan Matossian (24:09):
Mean? Yeah, totally. Totally, totally, totally. Yeah, totally. It’s like thinking that, I know it’s not fair to think that the preferred method of execution for Muslims is beheading people, but I live in London and they chant that shit every other week and they occasionally cut someone’s head off on the street. I’m sorry, it might not be fair to think that, but it’s time to camp ’em in right now. I get
Speaker 8 (24:33):
It. But it’s true. Yeah. Cool. Alright man. Hey, appreciate you taking questions. Big fun of the show. Thank you.
Sevan Matossian (24:40):
Take care, brother. Thank you.
Speaker 8 (24:41):
Alright, thank you.
Sevan Matossian (24:42):
Hey, hey, hey, hey. Can I ask you a question? Are you concerned that your military is choosing Air Force Royal Air Force pilots based on their genitalia and their skin color? Because it concerns me anyway, John, the Hey someone. Do you think CrossFit HQ resents decisions are made by CF HQ or a board of Puppet masters that are getting the strings tangled and knots, the CF sth lords are trying to ruin this brand like a, or run this brand like a fad, do you think CF hq, here’s the thing. The people that worked there when Greg worked there, probably the new people probably just want the old people to all get fired or shut the fuck up and step in line. And the old people who work there are like, holy fuck, are these new people ever going to get what CrossFit really is? And so it’s not uncommon. I mean, at some point they’ll bring someone in who will just fire everyone and try to start anew.
(25:59):
What will be a trip and be interesting is if some of the executive and some of the leadership there that’s new actually does get bit and join the cult, then it will start swaying the other way, which I think has happened already to some people there. I think some new people are like, oh fuck, this isn’t like, what have I gotten myself into? Man? If you want to be an executive and build your resume and climb the ranks, you landed in a weird spot. You belong at fucking Nike or Coca-Cola or Pepsi. This CrossFit thing is not, it’s not. Yeah. I think that they’re torn. I hope that answered your question. You guys want to see, you want to see Tranny? Tranny Caleb?
Caleb Beaver (27:01):
Boy do. I
Sevan Matossian (27:04):
Woke up this morning and I was like, me and you are on the same wavelength, right? You were like, damn. I wonder if there’s a tranny version of me.
Caleb Beaver (27:10):
I wonder that every day.
Sevan Matossian (27:13):
This is Caleb. Caleb, if you’re interested in transitioning, I’ve mocked up a prototype, but you would look like six months into transition, so you don’t even have to, let’s see. 2 98.
Caleb Beaver (27:30):
Did you send me the notes?
Sevan Matossian (27:31):
I did. I did. Tranny. It seems very disrespectful to ask you to Stevon. Don’t you think the leader of CrossFit media should be tall, bald, and a Jew? Yes. Should be. Every leader of every media team should be a Jew.
Caleb Beaver (27:52):
Oh wow.
Sevan Matossian (27:53):
Jews understand. Yeah. Wow. Right. Excuse me. Today’s going to be a sniffling day. Look at this, guys. Look at this. And I don’t want you to think that this is just an accident or the right angle. I can’t even believe you’re both on the screen at the same time. Oh my God. Oh my God. How long do I have to leave this on the screen for? Holy shit. This show’s over. We’re going to, the bar show’s over. Is my mic too loud?
Caleb Beaver (28:27):
I think it’s good.
Sevan Matossian (28:29):
We’re going to the bar. 99 9 Burnt Lumber. CrossFit HQ has an MBA cancer. That’s fair. Hey, I’m going to spend, I think I can spend $50 of that and bend tranny Caleb over? Yeah. Oh, I like those lips. What you’re doing with your face right now, Caleb. Caleb, let’s look at some other pictures of this guy. This is incredible, man. This is staining people’s brains by the way. You know that
Caleb Beaver (29:00):
Now they’re just going to see me as a tranny. Yeah.
Sevan Matossian (29:02):
Yeah. Dude, we got to get you a wig. What other photos are there of this dude?
Caleb Beaver (29:11):
Oh, this one’s good.
Sevan Matossian (29:13):
Damn.
Caleb Beaver (29:15):
I need that shirt.
Sevan Matossian (29:19):
That shirt is dope.
Caleb Beaver (29:24):
Oh, that’s so good.
Sevan Matossian (29:26):
I think Ate might be having a sale too. Black Friday sale. Hey, we need a shirt like that, dude. Yeah, please. Travis. We need a shirt that’s overtly sexual and objectifying women. God damn.
Caleb Beaver (29:43):
You want to watch his get Ready with me?
Sevan Matossian (29:46):
Oh yeah. Okay. Does he have tits under there?
Caleb Beaver (29:50):
I don’t know. He is hiding them moccasins. Ooh, like a silk tea. I like it. Wow.
The above transcript is generated using AI technology and therefore may contain errors.
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