Sevan Matossian (00:01):
Bam. We’re live. Rambler. What’s up? Good morning. Any good gene companies for CrossFit? People with big legs. I have the Victus jeans. I dunno if I would say I have big legs, but I like ’em. They’re kind of stretchy when I wear ’em. People give me compliments. I don’t really usually get compliments on my clothes. I need a New Floyd 19 shirt because look at my Floyd 19 shirt. You see it? It’s the black square. I like the idea of it. You know what I mean? It’s like making fun of the black squares. It’s like, Hey, we all know who the real races are, but this, it’s a, I don’t like the way this feels. And it’s only a matter of time before the washes are just going to make it fall off. I just need a really nice up High Floyd 19, and then maybe even below it RTRD 19. Maybe like a few different nineteens. Retard 19. What’s up Robbie Myers? Good morning. How are you buddy? Good to see you. Does the wife decide on your clothes? No. If anything, it’s the other way around. Not that I choose her clothes for her, but I’ve gone through phases where, not in a long time, but before we had kids, I would really enjoy taking her clothes shopping and just sit there and be like, okay, get that. Get that, get that. I really enjoyed that.
(01:30):
Maybe that’s a sign that I’m gay, but there’s a lot of signs. You need a new blue square shirt for Israel. Oh, interesting. Seon, do you believe in chiropractic care? It’s crazy that you’re asking that because in a little bit, we’re going to have Jason Marshall on the show in an hour. He’s not coming on until eight. And as I was doing research on him, he got, oh my goodness, I need to shave. He got some chiropractic care and he says it hurt him. I’ve been to three different body workers and all three of them I left worse than when I got there. And one in particular I think really, really fucked me up. The thing is, is I’ve only gone to them when I’m injured and I think that they have no fucking idea what they’re doing. I went to three different ones. One guy put his thumb in my mouth and was pushing on the roof of my mouth. I wanted to fucking beat the fuck out of him, to be honest with you. Good morning. From Avon’s head. Thank you. I am looking for, I started playing with my soundboard. I wanted to add sounds to it. I was kind of inspired yesterday.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
I
Speaker 3 (02:58):
Mean, that’s a story of my life. No respect. I don’t got no respect at all. You
Sevan Matossian (03:05):
Little Rodney Dangerfield clip. But I need to find one where it’s someone saying, David, shut up David. I need one of those. Right? Wouldn’t that be good? Just every time he pisses me off, I just push the button. David quiet. I need some from some movie. Some famous person saying that. Yeah. So the guy today is one of the best ER guys in the world, I think for 2000 meters on the rower, the bike and the ski erg. He has sub six minutes. I’m not sure what the metric is for the rower. Obviously it’s 2000 meters. I don’t know. But he has three. He was the first guy ever and he may be the only guy ever to get some sub six minute time. We’ll find out the details on the rower ever. On all three ERG devices ever. And he went to a chiropractor and he said it fucked him up.
(04:07):
So when I was doing research on him, and I heard him say that the other day, I was like, oh yeah, good. That makes me feel better. All my chiropractors only used a device on me to adjust nothing else because of my herniated discs. All my chiropractors only used a device on me. Yeah, I must have herniated discs or something. I did overhead squats yesterday for the first time in five years. I did a hundred of them. I know a little excessive, but I got some really, I found some really good position. I used the 45 pound bar. I did sets of 10. I always do everything. Old school.
(04:48):
Well, as you guys know, as most of you know, some of you haven’t figured it out yet. I know everything. And I dunno, call it a curse. I even know what I don’t know. But there was a comment on YouTube the other day, three hours ago, man, who’s watching YouTube three hours ago, and it’s from this girl. I think it’s this girl. It says Jen sender, Jen Zen tester, Jen Zencaster. Anyway, it’s that top comment. I know you guys can’t see it very well. Excuse me. Maybe I can make the screen bigger. Where’s Caleb when you need him?
(05:41):
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Here we go. And it says, Seon being wise every day on medicines training foreign policy. He was a scholar. So I think that’s being facetious, but I have to read into it passive aggressive. So I don’t know. I’m aware. I’m reading into it. It says, Seon being wise every day on medicines. I do like the way she spelled medicines training foreign policy. He was a scholar. It’s that was thing that’s like makes me think it’s passive aggressive. And then it says, but hating on a person for not having an L one telling us. It’s the end of the CrossFit world as we know it.
(06:33):
Now, listen, I’m not hating on the guy with no legs. I’m hating on the guy with no legs that’s supposed to be riding in the Tour de France. Like, Hey, he sucks. Don’t get him on your team. You get what I’m saying? This is so bizarre. I’m not hating on Koons for not having an L one. I’m hating on De Koons, not even Koons, whoever hired him in the position of running all the affiliates, the fastest growing chain in American, maybe in world history, probably in world history, and running those affiliates who need an L one in order to open an affiliate. That’s the only requirement. And yet he doesn’t have it. And then on top of that, the guy who founded the company and the methodology and was in charge during this fastest growth, Greg Glassman says the worst thing that you could have is an MBA. And this guy has that.
(07:43):
It’s so I know this is just low hanging fruit. I know it doesn’t need any explaining, but this is when you go to a museum and they have a mummy there and they’re like, Hey, this is the perfect mummy specimen. This is the best. We’ve uncovered 3000 mummies, and this is the one that’s most intact. It’s like museum pristine, quality specimen. Well, this is that for just retards. You can just see the leaps this person is making, what they’re omitting in order to, obviously I said something that’s triggered them and they’re just scraping at the bottom of the barrel to try to put something together to attack the logic. But it’s, man, it’s just tripping on. Someone took the time to type that out. Seon being wise every day on medicines, training foreign policy like he was a scholar, but hating on a person for not having an L one telling us.
(08:48):
It’s the end of CrossFit world as we know it. No, I’m telling you, it’s the end of your Tour de France team. If you have one of your guys on the team with no legs, that’s it. That’s all I’m telling you. Has nothing to do with the fact of whether he has legs or not. It has to do with the fact that he has no legs and he’s on the tour to Frances team. Now, if he’s the guy that’s unpacking the sandwiches, you’re good to go. But if he’s that guy that rides in front of fucking the windbreaker guy, the guy who runs ahead, the guy who does the, what’s the guy called in the front that you get behind? Lance Armstrong gets behind and drafts behind him. If you’re that guy and you don’t have legs, your team sucks. You’re fucked. Matter of fact, whoever hired him is a fucking moron. And then whoever’s defending him saying, Hey, you’re hating on people with no legs, dumb as fuck ever. And that’s who you are. Jen, send Tester. You’re the guy who thinks that I’m being against people with no legs just because I don’t think he’s qualified to run draft for Lance Armstrong.
(09:50):
Great point, Pedro. That person also could struggle if the sandwich makings are on a higher shelf. That’s true. But anyway, and the thing is, this is YouTube. Reddit’s just full of, someone sent me a bunch of screenshots from Reddit the other day, and it’s like 20 comments saying bad stuff. Name calling me, but not one of them. Say what I did. It’s nuts. But anyway. Anyway, Jen, thanks for watching the show. I need your views. I need the moolah. I need that. Add revenue. Okay, so back to my favorite subject, me enough about Jen, there’s this movie called Desert Runners. Lemme see if I can find the desert runner. Desert and Desert still. Okay, here it is. Desert Runners. Here we go.
(11:03):
Here we go. So I was brought onto this movie to film this movie and direct this movie and ended up, and the director here, it says, is Jennifer Steinman. And what ended up happening was during the edit, I would go to New York and help them edit it. So they gave me a huge chunk of money that I’m no longer the director, which I thought was cool. Okay, fine. But anyway, during the shoot, I would say that I behaved like the director and I filmed it and I behaved like the producer. And that’s not a dig on Jennifer at all. She’s fucking amazing. Jennifer Steinman’s amazing. Oh, she got married Stern.
(11:40):
She probably hates me now. I think she’s woke. But anyway, it’s this movie. And basically what we did was we went to four different deserts. Well, there’s an organization that runs these races and they’re called the Four Deserts, I guess that’s the name of the organization, the four deserts. And we went to these four deserts in one year, and people have to carry everything that they need for survival on their back. And they run, and I forget how far it is. Let’s say it’s 200 kilometers and it’s in the four driest places on planet Earth by driest, I think least rainfall or something. Least moisture dropping. And believe it or not, one of ’em was Antarctica. So it was Antarctica, the Gobi Desert, I think that’s in China. The Sahara that was in Egypt, and Aama Aama in Chile. So those were the four deserts We went to Coffee Break, get your Paper Street Coffee. Now 15% off with Code War seven.
(12:50):
And it was crazy. It was wild. By the way, when I did this, I was working for CrossFit. That’s a whole nother story. I was working for CrossFit, and I put in a request to the media director at the time, Tony, budding, if I could get two weeks off, four times that year to do this. And I told him it would be better for, it’s smart for CrossFits to let me do this too, because it will expand my abilities. It’s practice, and I can talk about CrossFit with these people and it will give me new skills and it will just make me a better filmmaker for CrossFit. They didn’t like that idea and they fired me. Kind of crazy. That was the first time I was fired. And when I was fired from CrossFit, I’ve told this story before that was, this is in 2009 or 10, I can’t remember. But they let me go and they told me that I would be put on a per video basis so I could still make content for CrossFit, but they weren’t going to pay me a salary anymore because I needed four, two weeks, four, four times during the year. I needed two weeks off.
(13:57):
Well, the year before that I was making, I think I was making $4,000 a month. So I was making $48,000. I made $48,000 the year before that by turning in projects individually. That year I made $320,000. Crazy, right? And he hated that. Is my mom in here? Hi. Oh, Rosemary, that was a good movie. So yesterday I’m at my kids’ tennis tournament. Another crazy story, wild story. I went with my mom yesterday to my kids’ tennis tournament. Anyway, and while I’m there, there’s this dad there. It’s all Asian kids. It’s all Asian kids, except for my kid. My wife wouldn’t want me to say this, but he’s not Asian. Then there’s another kid there that looks like they’re half Asian and half white. I didn’t see the mom, but the dad is straight Jew, big old, crooked nose, long hair, pasty skin, just Jew to the gills. You know what I mean? Dressed like shit. But probably worth 50 million. You know what I mean? Don’t give a fuck. Jews don’t care. Ian, thank you, Judy. Ian or Ian.
(15:23):
I dunno what this is. Is this a racist term? And on Rao? On Rao, is that a half Jewish? I don’t dunno what that is. Anyway, listen, don’t Jew to the gills. Yeah, clip it. Thank you, Jude. To the gills. Did I say that? Jude? To the gills? Yeah, just Jew to the gills. I mean, you just know when you see one, they stand out. A Jew stands out like a black man. If you’re walking through the mall and you’re like, oh look, there’s a black guy. You’re like, oh look, there’s a Jew. Oh look, there’s a dwarf once. You know? You know, just know.
(15:57):
And he’s having all sorts of issues with his daughter. That part sucked. That’s a whole different story, man. His daughter was so fucking cute. Half Asian, half Jew. It should be its own ethnicity. And you could tell she was talented. But anyway, I was staring at him and this story came to my head that I can’t even believe that I forgot to tell you. And it has to do with Desert Runners. This documentary right here, desert Runners. How come my name’s not on here anywhere? Does my name get to pop up on here? Lemme see. Synopsis.
(16:37):
Shit, I don’t get nothing. Oh, casting crew. Let’s see. They paid me $40,000, by the way. I think I said that to not be the director anymore. I really could use the money at the time too. Oh, cinematography by Sian. Look, there I am. Okay. Oh, they had a camera department. Anyway, we were in Egypt. People, listen, we were in Egypt and were out there with all the runners. That was crazy. I got stopped at the airport for probably eight or nine hours at Egypt. Everyone left without me. Even Jennifer left without me. We landed in Egypt and everyone left, and I couldn’t get through customs because of my camera.
(17:37):
What was it? It was a Panasonic one 50. Is that a camera? A Panasonic one? Panasonic one 50 N. It was a one 50 N. I had the really nice one. No, wow. This thing that popped up as the Panasonic one 50 N is pretty cool though. Oh, here it is. I found it. Yeah. HMC one 50. Oh, look, here it is. Wow. You can still get that camera for a thousand bucks. This is the camera I had. I’ll show you big old honker. You see this? See that? Panasonic? I should take that down. Jude to the gills. A Panasonic HMC one 50. I think I had the model up from it. It was like an N or something. Greg bought that for me, Greg, when I filmed every second counts, Greg bought that for me, and me and Carrie Peterson, each one of those.
(18:44):
So I make it finally make it through customs. I was so sick. I had crazy explosive diarrhea, crazy fever. I think I got food, poison or something. And anyway, so the filming starts. It takes me a day or two to recover. I seriously thought I was going to die. I was just in the hotel shivering. Oh, and my clothes never made it. So I had all my camera gear with me. My luggage never made it to Egypt. So I did my entire two weeks there with the first two days there with explosive diarrhea, and then two weeks there wearing all the same clothes. Well, Stevon, why didn’t you go to the store and buy some new clothes? I didn’t have the time to do it. I was so sick. And then the shoot started, and once the shoot started, they take you out to the desert in the middle of nowhere and you have to go with the runners. So at night I just slept on the ground in the desert with my holy clutching, my camera.
(19:36):
Crazy, right? I’m telling you, I’ve done it all. I’m a bad dude. And I did some of that shoot barefoot because some of the Sahara, when you’re filming there, the desert, it’s just shells. You can’t even believe it. You’re out in the middle of the desert, out in the middle of nowhere, and it’s billions and billions of those little tiny shells. And for some reason they wouldn’t get hot. So some days I would put my shoes in my camera bag and I would do the entire shoot barefoot because the desert I’d be running in or walking. It was just these little tiny shells. It was crazy. And these shoots were 24 hours a day. These people were just constantly going, right?
(20:21):
God, my clothes were disgusting. We had to bring all of our own food too. So I lived off of rations where you just add water to it. And what I drank all day was I drank these one liter, one and a half liter bottles of water that I would have, and I would just put a Starbucks instant coffee in it. So I would say mildly caffeinated the entire day. So they’re on the race and I don’t know how many runners there are. Bear with me. I could be totally wrong. There’s 200 racers. Yeah, it is. The Atari 1200 of cameras. Yeah. Like one up from the 2,600. Yeah. It was a bad camera during the day. It was some shit.
(21:13):
And racers, 200 racers from all different countries. Now to do this race was really hard. But the crown jewel was to do all four in one year, and there were two or three people who attempted it. The movies about that kind of as I remember, that was like the thing. And while we were out in the desert running, not me, I was just filming. The Egyptian police showed up 20. They look like Tacomas, but they’re not. And guess what they wanted? Go ahead. Guess what they wanted? Three days into the race, 20 Egyptian police showed up. Guess what they wanted?
(22:05):
Somebody. Guess money. Matt Burns. No. Great, great, great. Guess. 200 people from all different countries in the race, three days into the race, the police show up. What do they want? My cock, sex, money. All great, great guesses. BJ’s Fair. Come on one of you nose. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Hilux. It was a Toyota Hilux. Damn, you’re good. I’d have never in a million years remembered that. Yes, it was a, Hey, hey, Hilux. CEO shirts. Nope, passports. You’re getting closer. My camera. Another great guest. They thought you were a Jew. Now we’re getting really, really close. I remember this yesterday when I saw the Jew guy at tennis. I’m like, holy shit. How did I not tell this story on my podcast yet?
(23:05):
There was a Jew in the race, a fucking filthy Jew from Israel. And these motherfuckers, these fucking hylek riding fucking Arabs came and fucking extracted the Jew from the race they took the fucking Jew hunk. Hunk of a Jew looked like fucking Tom. Selleck a little shorter boy. He was a stud. I’ll never forget him. Thick fucking mustache. Crazy. He looked like an Adonis. He looked like what? I’m pictured. Dion used to look like he looked like a Greek God fucking had 10 pounds too much muscle on him to do the race. You know what I mean?
(23:55):
Five nine. Like rich, if he had thick hair, okay, not that cool. But what made me think of it too is I keep running through my head this thing about how they say Israelis do apartheid when a hundred thousand Palestinians were allowed to work every single day in Israel, and 20% of Israel was Arab, what they call these Palestinians. And yet Jews have been completely kicked out of all the rest of the Middle East. I told you yesterday about how when I landed in Beirut, the sign, if your passports has a stamp from Israel and they get the fuck out, we’re turning you back. Bruce Wayne, the Hilux is the truck of war. Justin. So rich without Jesus. Yeah, Jew rich. Jew rich. Oh, SU’s texting with Greg right now. I don’t know if you guys can hear it. My phone’s making noises and that noise it makes is I have a special ringtone for when Greg texts me and it’s the night rider Sound like in night rider, the front of the car. It’s like
(25:18):
They fucking wanted the Jew. They took him out. They kicked him out of the fucking country for all I know. I never checked on ’em afterwards, but they fucking extracted him. Just imagine a bunch of people in the middle of the desert running and the fucking 20 cops roll up. They’re like, where’s the Jew? Come with us. They’re not stupid either. I walk into a Whole Foods and some lady will whisper in my ear. It’s nice to see someone from the tribe because they think I’m a Jew. That does not happen in the Middle East and the Middle East. I’m fucking Armenian. They know it is going to Africa. And you would never confuse a Kenyan with a Sudanese guy or a Somalian never Kenyan guy, all buff and shit. Somalian’s tall and skinny, and his face looks like a spoon, like a black Asian dude.
(26:14):
Same thing. You just know. Yep. There’s one of those fuckers they know. We smell different too. And the girls. The girls too. They’re just different nuances, but not, yeah. Yeah. Somalis are kind of probably got some Asian in them. They’re like really tall, black Asian people. They kind of flatten. They’re flat, mushed a little bit their face. Oh yeah. You beat Judy to it. Blasian. Good job. Judy’s too busy laughing at one of her other jokes she thought of. Yeah, Jews don’t smell bad. They don’t even really have a scent to them. Yeah, Jews don’t smell bad. They smell good. My wife smells good. She just doesn’t smell like anything ever. No matter what, when she works out, she can be a little salty. Oh, Magnus, that’s not nice. I can’t even read that. So basically Greg’s 11 hours ahead of us, and so
(27:46):
I’d like to have him on in the morning, which would mean nighttime his time, but then that kind of fucks up his day. I sure as hell would not want. I do not. I, Fridays are a struggle for me. We do the CrossFit games update show, and that means I have to be on the straight and narrow all day. Can’t be out doing cocaine. Cocaine or drinking. And so he’s in Africa somewhere with his wife, and if I do a nighttime show with him, that means he has to just be on the straight and narrow all day. That seems like a lot to ask as someone, but if I do it at night, then I can stay on the straight and narrow all day. And then for him, it’d be the morning. What if I called Greg right now just in Africa? It’s kind of one of the only tricks I have on the show is calling people.
(28:55):
All right, I’m out of stories. Maybe I should just get off and come back in a half an hour. My kid played in a tennis tournament yesterday. You guys want to know the truth about it? The truth, like the real truth. It sucks. I want to tell you guys the truth, but there’s people in the audience like David, who will just use it against me for the rest of my life. Oh good, you’re leaving. Okay, I’ll tell it. David’s leaving, then I’ll tell it. Okay, bye. Good. Alright, go work out. You guys are going to love this story. It’s fucking awesome. But David will use it against me. He looks for every flaw that I have, every flaw in my family has ready. You would like Dave Castro. He’s like that too. He likes to point out all my flaws. Okay, so in tennis there’s three different kinds of balls. There’s an orange ball has the worst. It’s for little kids because it doesn’t bounce much. Think of it as being flat, right? Then there’s a green ball and that bounces a little better, but it’s still a little bit flat. And then there’s a yellow ball. The yellow ball’s like what the pro.
The above transcript is generated using AI technology and therefore may contain errors.
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