Caleb Beaver (00:00):
But just make,
Sevan Matossian (00:01):
And then you left.
Caleb Beaver (00:03):
Yeah.
Sevan Matossian (00:03):
Would you guys rather I come on when I’m not ready and I don’t have my hair up and my show notes open or anything? Or would you rather I come on late when I’m ready? That is the question. I, dude, last night’s show was wild.
Caleb Beaver (00:23):
Yeah, it was pretty cool.
Sevan Matossian (00:27):
When we do a show like that, it takes me a little bit to, it took me two hours to relax from that.
Caleb Beaver (00:33):
Really?
Sevan Matossian (00:34):
Yeah. I’m so fired up. Did we schedule the show for one 15?
Caleb Beaver (00:42):
No, I haven’t done that yet, I don’t
Sevan Matossian (00:43):
Think. Okay. Guys, today it’s probably going to be a moving show. I don’t know if we’ll do it exactly at one 15, but it looks like it’s going to be Brian Friend and JR Howell, and I’m trying to get Bill Grundler. Okay. Wow. Holy shit. Geez, Louise. Do you see that thumbnail? Is that real?
Caleb Beaver (01:13):
Yeah. That’s pretty crazy. That’s a good one.
Sevan Matossian (01:16):
Hiller is thankful for Andrew Hiller that live in 14 days. Oh, is Andrew going to be on Pedro’s podcast?
Caleb Beaver (01:36):
Yeah, I think so.
Sevan Matossian (01:37):
Wow. That’s like a real thumbnail. Can I share that? That’s crazy.
Caleb Beaver (01:42):
I don’t know. Lemme see if it’s on his YouTube.
Sevan Matossian (01:45):
God, Nicole Carroll looks fucking amazing right there. She doesn’t have any bad angles.
Caleb Beaver (01:53):
No, she doesn’t.
Sevan Matossian (01:54):
Oh God. First dude, I panicked just now. I thought I forgot to bring my coffee in here. That’s happened on the, yeah. Wow. Yeah, look at her. I like how Hiller and Dawn are just locking eyes. They look like they’re in love.
Caleb Beaver (02:11):
Having a nice little sidebar.
Sevan Matossian (02:19):
Did anything play just now when I pushed that button?
Caleb Beaver (02:22):
No.
Sevan Matossian (02:24):
What a stupid sound on this. Okay, there we go.
Sevan Matossian (02:29):
Check my audio files. I was on the phone with someone when the show was supposed to be starting. Someone called me at 6 59 and I’m like, I have a show right now. But they didn’t care. They just fucking kept talking to me.
Caleb Beaver (02:46):
This is important, Savon. You need to listen immediately.
Sevan Matossian (02:49):
Listen. S listen. Brett Bauer se, when is Greg launching VS? I fit, my affiliate dues are coming up in February, and I’d rather he take my three grand. I don’t know. There’ll be three affiliate programs. The Savvy Fitt BSI Fit and CrossFit. Wow. With my program. You get media diversify. Can we have a hog show? No.
Caleb Beaver (03:21):
I don’t even know what he means by that.
Sevan Matossian (03:23):
I love it. Just like he wants me to pull my dick out and rub it on his face. I love
Caleb Beaver (03:28):
That. That makes sense.
Sevan Matossian (03:29):
I love that. Okay, cool. We’re going to have a limited run shirt. I really like that. I’ll rock the shit out of that. Look at this. I sent it over to you. Maybe that line needs to be thicker. Does that line need
Sevan Matossian (03:51):
To
Sevan Matossian (03:51):
Be thicker? Damn. Oh, whew.
Sevan Matossian (04:12):
Easy
Sevan Matossian (04:13):
Boy.
Caleb Beaver (04:19):
Having quite the morning already.
Sevan Matossian (04:21):
I haven’t sent you show notes yet. Hold on.
Caleb Beaver (04:23):
That’s okay.
Sevan Matossian (04:28):
Compose, copy. Send Caleb.
Sevan Matossian (04:37):
So you’ll keep trying to plug the pipe up today?
Caleb Beaver (04:40):
Yeah.
Sevan Matossian (04:43):
Look at that. Brought you to life. Look at you. That brought you to life. You’re like, yeah, the pipe. Yeah.
Caleb Beaver (04:49):
Otherwise, I’ll find something else. I started painting an actual paint coat, so I might start doing that today.
Sevan Matossian (05:00):
Oh, se how is you dealing with tennis parents? Well, I don’t know if this is an interesting story, but you’ll find it interesting. So you guys in the game of tennis for kids and for a long time there are no referees, there are no judges.
Caleb Beaver (05:24):
They just call it themselves.
Sevan Matossian (05:26):
And the way the game of tennis works is if you don’t know, you call it in. So if Caleb hits the ball to me and I’m not willing to bet my fucking life that it’s out, I have to call it in. And that’s how the game works. If everyone plays by that rule, the game works.
(05:56):
So my kid’s playing this beautiful fucking Indian kid dot knot feather, and the kid hits the ball and it’s close. I’m filming it and it’s out. And Avi calls it out, and then Avi goes to serve and he stops and he asks the kid, Hey, did you see that ball? And the kid goes, no. And Avi goes, so you don’t know if that ball’s in or out? And the kid’s like, no. And Avi’s like, fuck. Alright in. And he gives the kid the point. And I went back and looked and it actually was out. But you have to, the game only works if everyone, oh, that’s not bad. Curry or Acorn? I heard one the other day. What was it? It was computer or casino.
Caleb Beaver (06:44):
Yeah, I was trying to remember what that was. Wow. That one was really good.
Sevan Matossian (06:51):
Oh my God. Oh my goodness. Yeah. I think my fees for my affiliate program will only be $1,500. But you, you’ll still need to take your CrossFit level one and you’ll need to have a picture of me over the door of your gym.
Caleb Beaver (07:14):
Touch it.
Sevan Matossian (07:15):
People have to go like that.
Caleb Beaver (07:17):
Say leave pay homage.
Sevan Matossian (07:21):
So that’s the only way that game works. God, I so wish that was your but, and not Nicki Mina’s or whoever. So Oh yeah. Picture of me at the new Paper Street Cafe would be awesome too. Yeah, totally.
Caleb Beaver (07:46):
I’m so excited to see it finished.
Sevan Matossian (07:48):
Hey, I kind of want to work there for a week. I’ve always wanted to be a barista, learn how to do that. I think I would murder that shit.
Caleb Beaver (07:57):
There’s a Starbucks just probably a hundred yards from my house. I’ve just considered working there. I could just walk to work and work a little four or five hour shift and then come on back to the house and start working on it again. It’s just, and it’s like, I don’t want to say easy work, but
Sevan Matossian (08:15):
Oh my God. Do you know the stories you would have? Are you going to eat that live on the air? Yeah. That’s amazing. Oh yeah, the break off and take a bite. Yeah. Smart, smart. So that tennis game only works if people follow the rules. So here’s another rule. The parents are not allowed to chime in at all. So Avi, Avi beats the first kid, whatever, six. Oh, second kid. Six. Oh, third kid, six. Oh, whatever. He’s just destroying kids. They’re all older than him, but like I told you, it’s fucking green ball and obviously yellow ball. So we’ve entered him in a tournament that’s completely unethical, but they’re Asian kids, so who gives a fuck?
Caleb Beaver (08:58):
Green ball is higher level, lower
Sevan Matossian (09:01):
Level. The ball doesn’t bounce as hard. It’s easier. And obviously yellow ball player, which is just a regular tennis ball that Kovich uses.
Caleb Beaver (09:11):
Okay.
Sevan Matossian (09:15):
And most kids his age are not yellow ball for a bunch of reasons. Not even just, they’re not good enough, but because it’s hard for him to cover, the court gets bigger. You use the whole court in yellow ball too.
Caleb Beaver (09:28):
Okay. So you have cover
Sevan Matossian (09:29):
More ground. Actually in green ball you use the whole court too, but in orange ball it’s significantly smaller.
Caleb Beaver (09:36):
Okay, I see what you’re saying. Yeah.
Sevan Matossian (09:40):
So this fucking kid in the final round, his dad hardly speaks any English fresh off the boat from some Asian country. I’m just going to say China mom’s got the mask on way too tight. They’re smiling the entire time. Well, I don’t know if she is. He is. The dad’s the nicest guy ever. He’s got three Androids he’s simultaneously filming with, he’s got one with his foot.
Caleb Beaver (10:01):
How the fuck?
Sevan Matossian (10:02):
And I made that up and he’s pushed against the fence and he’s talking to his son the whole time. And his son does speak perfect English and his son keeps going. I don’t know if that’s in or not, but everyone, he didn’t know if it was in or not. He gave to himself. But you’re not. As soon as you say that out loud, the rule is that’s the definitive fucking rule of fucking tennis until you get to the highest level where there’s judges. And it was fucking driving me crazy. And they were so nice. And the kid was such a good sport, except for the fact he was a world-class cheater and didn’t know the rules. But other than that, the dad’s like his goal is to only win one match against your son. Oh, what is he? Six. Meanwhile he’s fucking obvious all up. He’s serving underhand too.
Caleb Beaver (10:58):
Oh God. Avi’s just ripping over hand. Surf stone,
Sevan Matossian (11:02):
Huh? Yeah. Yeah. And this guy’s fucking, but the guy scored so many fucking points on Avi because of he had 20 bad calls. Yeah. And in all fairness, the kid fucking hustled, man. The kid was a hard worker.
Caleb Beaver (11:14):
Really?
Sevan Matossian (11:15):
Yeah. He was like a goofy kid who was like, feet were too big for his body. But fucking, he was goofy slapping around on the court, but man, he was, can we hear more accents? Someone told me the other day that Jake Chapman was good looking. He is a good looking. He is a good
Caleb Beaver (11:35):
Looking. He’s handsome. He has a nice accent too, actually.
Sevan Matossian (11:38):
You’ve heard him talk?
Caleb Beaver (11:40):
Yeah. Sometimes I’ll just watch a video with him talking and I don’t even care what he’s saying. I’m just listening to the accent.
Sevan Matossian (11:50):
Yeah. That’s how I feel about Pedro. Oh, Audrey. Jake is beautiful. Oh, no. Shit. I didn’t know that. He has a nice body. Really? That’s a nice body. Yeah. Hold on. He’s built like a, no, he’s built like a fucking puff at her.
Caleb Beaver (12:05):
You mean with his
Sevan Matossian (12:06):
Fucking, I mean, he’s a nice body for a fucking warrior.
Caleb Beaver (12:10):
Yeah.
Sevan Matossian (12:11):
He’s so fucking thick. I like my man a little thinner. I like a Troy, Brad Pitt, Troy type body. Like a surfer body. Like a
Caleb Beaver (12:19):
Spinner.
Sevan Matossian (12:20):
Pinner. Yeah. Yeah. He’s more Noah Olsson. I like more Matthew McConaughey.
Caleb Beaver (12:29):
You don’t like a rugged man?
Sevan Matossian (12:33):
Yeah, I just don’t want to say anything nice about Jake. His body’s great. Mike a single. Oh, Mike. I don’t know if it was you who text dmm me, but I did ask Devin Loret if he could come on my show this morning at 7:00 AM I didn’t get a response from him. I didn’t know John was arm wrestling. My texting with John is so weird. For some reason we don’t text good here. I’ll text him right now. You were at the football game. Lemme see. See if he texted me back. John Zinc. You were at the football game. Dude, I can’t believe I didn’t see you, dude. Exclamation point. I can’t believe I didn’t see you.
(13:27):
Alright, let’s see if he, I don’t know if he texts back. I’ll just be like, ah. Got you. Want to come on the show. Got you, bitch. Yeah. Got you. Bitch. I want to show you something for all the people who are like, I’m a og. I’m a og. I’m a motherfucking og. So there’s this dude, I guess I could show you this first. In the CrossFit space, there was a guy, this is the kind of shit I wonder of how many people at CrossFit Inc. Still know? It’s so weird. There’s this guy, his name was Fitness Lonnie.
Caleb Beaver (14:17):
Yep.
Sevan Matossian (14:19):
I’m trying to remember what his, I’m trying to remember what his real name was. Dorian. And by real name. Yeah. John Zinc has kids. Dorian. Oh. Oh, he did write back. He did write back. Oh yeah, he did write back. Yeah, he did write back. Hey, we’re texting. We’re in the game. What should I say to John now? What do you want me to say to him? You tell me what to say and I’ll say it. Oh, you have a match this week. You have a match this weekend. Is it in Turkey? In Turkey? Is it in Turkey? We match this weekend in Turkey.
(15:20):
I can’t believe how active he is. When I started making pulling John, he was going to retire. So this guy, Dorian did Adrian. Dorian, okay. Dorian, he’s also fitness Lanny. He became a monastic monk and just fucking vanished. I want to say he maybe was dating Andrea Ager. I don’t know if her name’s Andrea Ager anymore. He was really fucking cool. This guy, he was really creative, but he sent me this the other day. He made this on an iPad. Hey, this is the guy I was talking about. He can’t eat. He’s not allowed to eat afternoon. And he’s only allowed to eat what people give him. So he has no matter where he is on the planet, he has to wake up really early and walk around and do alms. I think that’s ALMS. What does that even mean? And you have to walk around and basically people have to offer you food.
(16:29):
You can’t even ask for food. So when he was at my house, when he’s at your house, you can’t be like, Hey, do you want some water? He can’t say yes. It’s part of the discipline, the practice. And dude, when you do shit like that, you’ll start to see the magic of the universe The last time. So I hadn’t talked to him in five years, I don’t think. Maybe he spoke for five years, maybe he didn’t actually talk for five years or some shit. And then he got a break and he came by and he hung out at the house for a day.
(16:59):
Oh, raw of earth. Used to bang ger. You know what though? I’m all for that, but I don’t think she banged. No, I feel like, I’m pretty sure. I think she got married as a virgin or something. I remember. I think I remember that being part of her story, man. She probably still is. She was fucking an angel. She was a beautiful human. So Dorian made this with an iPad. He’s allowed to have an iPad, I guess. I think this is in Brazil. Life of ti Forest Monastery. I think he’s in Brazil. That might be him right there. Yeah. She’s so hot, right? She ger had some crazy features. What am I doing here?
Sevan Matossian (18:01):
What the fuck? Oh shit.
Sevan Matossian (18:08):
Hold on, hold on.
Sevan Matossian (18:09):
Just fucking this all up.
Sevan Matossian (18:15):
Anyway, I’m going to show you him. He’s over here at 9 0 6. Watch this. So here he is. That’s him on the far right with that incredible posture
Caleb Beaver (18:28):
In the robe, like up on the platform.
Sevan Matossian (18:30):
Yeah. That’s Dorian. That’s Fitness Lonnie, the guy used to make the comedy ones cool. Right?
Caleb Beaver (18:51):
That’s wild.
Sevan Matossian (18:55):
Sevy. Honestly, how close were you back in the day to this? Oh boy. Oh boy.
Sevan Matossian (19:01):
Oh boy.
Sevan Matossian (19:07):
Anyway, I can’t wait for him to come back. Last time he was here, he hung out at the house for, I think he got here at maybe five in the afternoon. And we spoke to midnight and then he left. But it was awesome. He’s funny as shit. Oh, the future purpose of the Shaan, just to have monks there and shit. Oh, the HWPO. Enlightenment track. Jake Chapman. Is that the body you’d like man to have? You mean in that picture? That black dude? Yeah. That’s a nice body. There you go.
Caleb Beaver (19:47):
Was it cramp, theft, auto artwork.
Sevan Matossian (19:51):
Although last night when you pulled up a draper, I was like, oh my God. Really? Yeah. Had
Caleb Beaver (20:04):
Not draper.
Sevan Matossian (20:07):
Holy shit. Holy John just said he dropped 30 pounds in five weeks. Wow. Are you at the airport? Are you at the airport texting with this guy John Bink? For those of you don’t know, I made a movie about this guy. It’s called Pooling John, and he’s the greatest arm wrestler who ever lived, ever, ever, ever. And people in the arm wrestling community adore him. And he is cool as shit. Hiller met him in Chicago and he’s like, wow, that dude’s fucking amazing. He really is amazing. Great movie. Thank you. I appreciate it. Mike, would you work for Josh Gr? What do you mean? Suck his dick and tickle his balls
Caleb Beaver (20:58):
Back the hand, back of the hand.
Sevan Matossian (21:00):
I’d rub his penis with the back of my hand.
Caleb Beaver (21:03):
That’s all he’ll allow.
Sevan Matossian (21:05):
Dude, I’m like, I say this with peace and love. I’m on such another level than him. He’s not even a zygote in my world, but work on him by work for him. I mean, I would work on him. I would help him if he wanted to be helped. The fucking guy sees the world through a straw dude like this. The guy’s so fucking, if you just look at his content, he puts out so closed-minded. I’m not even in the same
Caleb Beaver (21:44):
Ecosystem,
Sevan Matossian (21:45):
Dude. Yeah, he’s a snail and his eyes point at the ground. He doesn’t even know this world exists up here. It’s crazy. Cave astro a zygote. Now you’re using his language isn’t a zygote just like the instant, like a sperm hits the egg. I thought that’s what that was.
Caleb Beaver (22:05):
Diploid cell resulting from the fusion of two haplo gats. A fertilized oum
Sevan Matossian (22:11):
Is That’s what it said.
Caleb Beaver (22:13):
Yeah. There you go.
Sevan Matossian (22:15):
A diploid cell resulting from the fusion of two haplo gametes. A fertilized ovum.
Caleb Beaver (22:23):
So you’re right, A fertilized ovum would be like when the egg enters the
Sevan Matossian (22:31):
Bam. Do that again. Bam. Remember that lady I had on Courtney Hunt?
Caleb Beaver (22:47):
Yep.
Sevan Matossian (22:48):
And she thought, she thinks that with supercomputers they’ll be able to manipulate matter at such a finite level that they’ll actually be able to create a zygote.
Caleb Beaver (23:01):
Yeah, she had some
Sevan Matossian (23:04):
And it scared me. I could actually get my head wrapped around that. I could imagine. I mean, I’m making it up, but I could imagine in my head how that would be possible with a supercomputer because of its processing speed. It could then manipulate matter at such a small level where there’s so many intricate pieces that it could do. That’s someone Legos on the fucking super Legos. Legos on steroids.
Caleb Beaver (23:31):
Yeah. It was a pretty wild show.
Sevan Matossian (23:34):
She kind of scared me. I’ve had Ronnie Teasdale raw of earth at my house before and he scared me talking to me about shit. Yeah. He got in my imagination so hard that I was like, whoa. Whoas comeback. I wasn’t even on drugs. Yos chill. No home. Oh. Oh, will your match be live? So John pulls this weekend just being a pussy. I should just ask him, Hey, I’m going to send you a link. Come on, let me ask you a question. Do it. I don’t know how these guys view going on the internet. Oh, gr grundler. Can you come on the one 15 show today? Anyway, that’s tennis. Let me close that story. It’s fucked. It’s fucked. Completely fucked. I know it’s going to be a world of cheating and being uptight. I have to stand so far back and just chill. And the whole time I’m just breathing and I’m just focused on my breath. I’m not even joking. I’m like threw my nose.
Caleb Beaver (24:53):
Otherwise, his voice gets super loud in your head, huh? Chinese
Sevan Matossian (24:58):
Guy’s voice.
Caleb Beaver (24:59):
Yeah. You just keep listening to him say something and then you’re just more and more annoyed with it, huh?
Sevan Matossian (25:04):
Yeah. Just want to be like, dude, do you not know the fucking rules, dude, you’re not allowed to talk to your kid.
Caleb Beaver (25:09):
Right.
Sevan Matossian (25:10):
And my wife’s looking at me with this big smile on her face and her face is turning red as we’re seeing just point after point, just cheating. And they’re happy as clams because they think everything’s great. Their ignorance is bliss. The son’s running over to his dad’s phone and a few times his son, his dad’s like, no, Xi Jing. It’s actually out. It’s out. You’re not even allowed to talk to your kid or coach your kid or any of that shit.
Caleb Beaver (25:37):
Well, isn’t that like a rule in tennis altogether? Your coach isn’t allowed to talk to you during the match or they’re not allowed to interact?
Sevan Matossian (25:45):
Yeah, you’re not allowed to interact. You’re not. It’s just the kids. You’re not even allowed to walk up to the table when your kid registers.
Caleb Beaver (25:52):
Once you get, I mean, in your kid the big tournaments, if you’re like a CGI
Sevan Matossian (25:58):
Supposed Oh yeah. The pros. Yeah. Yeah. I don’t think the pros are allowed. Yeah, exactly. Oh, oh, oh, okay. Okay. So I texted John Zinc again. Fuck. That’s cool.
Caleb Beaver (26:26):
Look at you go overcoming your fears.
Sevan Matossian (26:29):
Yeah, I text with Travis, I text with Tyson.
Sevan Matossian (26:41):
I
Sevan Matossian (26:43):
Haven’t really had anything bad happen in my life. I’ve just seen bad shit. You know what I mean? Like the difference.
Caleb Beaver (26:53):
You haven’t been in a traumatic car accident where somebody died in the passenger seat while you were driving, but you’ve had friends who’ve had that happen.
Sevan Matossian (27:00):
Is
Caleb Beaver (27:01):
That what you mean?
Sevan Matossian (27:04):
That would be fucking crazy if I was driving and someone died in my car.
Caleb Beaver (27:11):
Yeah.
Sevan Matossian (27:12):
Yeah. I would not like that,
Caleb Beaver (27:14):
But that would be the bad shit. But you’ve
Sevan Matossian (27:16):
Noticed somebody Yeah, that yeah, bad. That would be bad. Yeah. Yeah. Or someone, my mom died of cancer or some shit when I was like eight. Yeah. I haven’t had anything like that. I just seen other bad shit. I just seen just fucking bad shit. Like
Caleb Beaver (27:34):
The Angela Death guy.
Sevan Matossian (27:35):
Yeah, like that. Yeah. I seen people get killed or bad shit happening to kids or just shit like that. No one diddled my anus. You know what I mean? But I had to sit in a room with a dude who diddled in anus. I didn’t have to testify in any of my loved one’s. Murder trials. I testified in someone, you know what I mean? Yeah. It wasn’t my dog that got run over, but I was there and saw a dog get run over. Actually my dog did get run over.
Sevan Matossian (28:11):
That’s a bad example.
Caleb Beaver (28:13):
RIP.
Sevan Matossian (28:16):
We had kids and we started neglecting our dog and by neglecting our dog, we stopped obsessing over our dog. We would obsess over our dog. So we had kids, and it used to be you get out of the car, you grab the dog, you walk in the house, then you have kids, and it’s like you open the door, the dog runs out and you’re taking your kids. And this one time we’d just moved to the three Plain Brothers palatial estate. And we didn’t have a fence around the property. And we were on this old highway and we get out of the car and we go inside and with the kids, and then we hear breaks and shit slamming and shit. And this old guy comes running up to our house and he goes,
Caleb Beaver (28:57):
Your dog’s going nuts.
Sevan Matossian (28:59):
He goes, he goes, oh my God, I almost ran over your dog. And then another dude, the cars are stopped in the highway and another dude comes running up behind him. He goes, no, you did run it over.
Sevan Matossian (29:16):
And I look
Sevan Matossian (29:17):
At my wife and I’m like, oh fuck. And then right then we saw our dog run into the house and the guy goes, yeah, you ran right over the dog. And when you came out the other side, he was just like, I mean, he was a little dog, 14 pound dog.
Caleb Beaver (29:35):
Oh, okay. So it just got sucked up underneath it. It didn’t get rolled over?
Sevan Matossian (29:39):
No. I guess the tire, well, who knows. He was fucked up for a couple months. Yeah. He had seen Jesus. You know what I mean? He was all fucking, it felt like he OD’ed on a, and he looked like someone took him and scraped him on the concrete for 20 minutes. You know what I mean? He was a mess. Damn.
The above transcript is generated using AI technology and therefore may contain errors.
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