Sevan Matossian (00:04):
Bam. We’re live. I’m seeing names in the chat I’ve never seen before. Is that cool? We cool with that? New people welcome. Oh no. Shit, shit, shit, shit. I’m really struggling with my notes. Oh, there we go. Good morning. Until August 13th until Sunday. August 13th until August, Sunday the 13th. Nah, I don’t like that. August 13th. What’s today? August 9th. I don’t even understand the sentence, but listen. Games 23 code games, 23 lowercase. All the letters are lowercase. G a m e s 23, and you’re going to go to Paper St. Coffee. It’s the abbreviation for street paper, street coffee.com. But you don’t spell out street. You do not spell out street, but it doesn’t even matter if you put in games 23, you get 18% off a subscription. If that code doesn’t work, you’re on the wrong site. Does that make sense?
(01:18):
If you want to drink what I’m drinking or what Ariel Lowen is drinking, I dunno. A bunch of people, maybe Christine Coen, brander. Does she drink this shit? I’m wearing different glasses today in the shower the entire morning. I was thinking that I’m not going to cut my man bun. I mean, I might still cut it. I’m just telling you what I was thinking, Elizabeth. Good morning, Ken O’Connor. Good morning. I don’t recognize you, Charles. You need a profile picture. Gavin, you need a profile picture. Emma, good morning, Emma Wines. Why do you whine? Jay Harle. Hey, always good to see you. Bam. Good morning. Oh, this one. I don’t recognize her. Megan Kemba, Kembo. Starks afternoon from Scotland. Dunks. Hey, what’s up dude? Thank you for putting out fires, saving old people attending cardiac arrests all over your country. Hey, there’s these skateboarding shoes that Nike makes called Dunks. I just found out about ’em. I want to buy ’em for my kids, but they’re too expensive. David, what’s up dude? You ready to fight with me this morning? I hope so. Greg C Hey Oswaldo, we have some names for our children and we’re thinking about maybe naming him. Oswaldo.
(02:48):
Oswaldo. I’d love to talk to your parents. Oswaldo, so someone’s going to be late again. I was procrastinating. I don’t know. Something’s definitely different. Something has changed in me. There’s been a shift. It was that week, something in that week. Ron Sutton. What’s up, dude? Hey, when I look at your little picture, you look like an old dude. The one I click on it. You turn young. It’s weird. Reuben. What’s up, dude? Dildo. That’s pretty good. That’s really good. Heidi, do we like this one? Dildo. Dildo. That’s good. Marissa, you need profile Pick. Good morning. Don’t cut it. What if I shaved it around? I don’t like the straggled. I don’t like these Straggles down low. I forgot how much California peptides I’m supposed to shoot into the left arm. I gave myself a big old dose last night. You’re supposed to shoot it up right before you go to sleep. Big old dose. I think you’re only supposed to give yourself, I don’t even want to say someone’s going to rip on me, but I forget a week of not doing it and I forget, but I know I gave myself. I know for sure I gave myself double the dose. Whatever you’re supposed to do. Oh yeah. Paper, street, coffee, 18% off until the 13th. I dunno if that means if the 13th is too late or what? You did not meet Trish. That is bullshit. Joel, what’s up, dude? Robbie Meyer Sevy. I met Trish. No, you did not meet Trish. You did not meet Trish. Liar.
(04:58):
Someone dmm me the other day and they’re like, Hey, why did the 40 Beth make that video about you? I said, I don’t know because she thinks I’m toxic. And they said, well, did you attack her first? And I was like, dude, I didn’t even know who the fuck she was. Someone sent me some cool pictures of her though in the crowd. I like it that I’m switching to the word I bile. Do you guys like that? I bile as opposed to the R word. I bile. You guys want me to show you an I bile. This isn’t really a big deal. People make mistakes, right? Who caress. So he screwed up a little bit. So whatever, right? Who cares? Just a little mistake.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Grand Canyon, one of the earth’s nine wonders, wonders of the world. Literally. Think of that. It’s amazing. The Grand Canyon, one of the Earth’s nine wonders, wonders.
Sevan Matossian (06:09):
First of all, there’s seven natural wonders. Everyone knows that. If you don’t now, you know.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
But
Sevan Matossian (06:20):
Imagine doing sentences like this, making up sentences like this to the
Speaker 2 (06:23):
World. Literally.
Sevan Matossian (06:25):
Literally. It’s literally, no, actually it’s not. It’s all made up. It’s just made up. It’s just a dramatization. One of the seven natural wonders. Well, you think there’s nine?
Speaker 2 (06:38):
Think of that. Think
Sevan Matossian (06:40):
Of that. Just think of that man. This guy is,
Speaker 2 (06:43):
It’s amazing.
Sevan Matossian (06:46):
How did you vote for him? The great pyramids Colossus of roads. I don’t even know what that is. In the harbor city of Rhodes, on the Greek island of the same name. The Hanging Gardens of Babylon, the lighthouse of Alexandria, the mausoleum of Holly Carcas, I dunno what that is. Statue of Juice. Zeus at Olympia and the temple of Artemis. The Grand Canyon isn’t even one of the oh seven wonders of the, oh, that’s the wonders of the ancient world. There’s a bunch of seven Wonders. What if I type in Grand Canyon, natural Wonder, grand Canyon, all the Grand Canyon is featured as one of the seven natural wonders of the world. The list also includes the Northern Lights, the Great Barrier Reef, the harbor at Rio de Janeiro, para Cottin in Mexico. What the fuck is that? Victoria Falls on the border of Zimbabwe and Zambia and Mount Everest.
(08:16):
So we got the Grand Canyon Blaine. What’s up, dude? Hey, hanging out. Dude. What the fuck’s up with your picture? Geez, Louis, my goodness, America. No, you did not meet Trish. I just told you that You did not. No one met Trish. Everyone thinks that What’s, there’s a picture going around of her in the Coliseum. I can’t remember. She’s with two other people and people think it’s real. It is not real. Emma Wines, do whatever you want with your hair. The thing is, I went into super cuts twice and asked him to shave the top, and both times the ladies are like, no, your hair’s too nice. No, my hair does not take a long time to grow. It’s like a weeded Logan. What’s up, dude? Long time.
Speaker 3 (09:18):
I,
Sevan Matossian (09:19):
Long time. I am excited for Friday’s show. I don’t know why I should be over all the CrossFit stuff, man. We had down Rosta on last night. If you didn’t see that show, you should see that show. It’s killer. It’s a great show. He’s a great dude. Very generous. Very generous with his time. You think this guy has a chance to become president? This Kennedy dude
Speaker 4 (09:53):
Making 60 billion a year selling his vaccines, but they’re making 500 billion a year selling the remedies for the injuries caused by vaccines, the diabetes medication, the Adderall, the Ritalin at the Advair inhalers, the albuterol inhalers, the antiseizure medications, all of those. This is a really great business plan for these.
Sevan Matossian (10:22):
I only have anecdotal information, but my kids have never had ear infections, nose infections, any of those infections. They don’t have a d d, they don’t have any of that stuff and they’ve never taken any drugs. I don’t have people inject drugs into my kids. Even if they have a white lab coat and they’re especially trained by pharma, they’re still not allowed to. If you went to Harvard Medical School or Stanford Medical School and were educated by big pharma, you still don’t get, that’s not a validity or some sort of credential that I take as allowing you to inject drugs into my kids, especially when they’re not already sick. You don’t get to inject drugs into my perfectly healthy child. What’s weird about the CrossFit games is I would wake up in the morning and put shoes on. I do not do that. I started thinking, wow, a lot of people do that. That’s crazy.
Speaker 4 (11:30):
Make people sick and then you sell ’em a lifetime cure. They’re making,
Sevan Matossian (11:35):
So they make 60 billion off of the drugs and then 60 billion people, 60 billion. So to give you an idea, there’s 300 million people in the United States. Let’s say just for ease of number, let’s say there’s 300 million. If each of them, it’s $180 a person, $180 a person. Yeah. About, is that right? Yeah. Let’s just say that $200 a person they make off of and then another 500 billion. My God, it’s a racket to get 70 to come to Charlotte Classic in November. I’m thinking about it. I’m feeling I got out of the house. I’m feeling like I could do it again. I should do it again before I get all anxious and shit, right?
(12:36):
I mean, you kind of can’t make some of this shit up you see in the news. I really don’t want to believe this one. So you guys know that there was a whole story made up that Trump was colluding with the Russians to rig the election and there was no evidence ever found of that, right? And so the irony is then the messing with the elections was done by the people who made the story up that he was messing with the election. You get the irony of that. Let’s say he’s messing with the election and people will believe it, and therefore that will mess with the election. People will think he’s colluding with the Russians. I mean, it’s crazy and it works on the American people. Anyway. Then this guy who was leading the investigation for Trump colluding with the Russians, is now being charged with colluding with the Russians. Charles McGonigal a disgraced, I dunno why they have to say that. Charles McGonigal, maybe he’s not disgraced. Charles McGonigal, former F B I agent involved in the Bureau’s probe into alleged Trump Russia collusion has himself been charged with illegally working for a Russian oligarch. McGonigal is expected to enter guilty plea on charges of money laundering and evading US sanctions according to a Monday court file.
(14:07):
This is what this lady Greg showed me, this article, Greg Glassman showed me this article a while back of a lady who she killed her husband and then wrote a book for her children’s book on how to deal with one of your parents dies. She killed her husband by giving him fentanyl. Hey, did you see Robert De Niro’s grandson died? A fentanyl overdose and the article that publishes it was an accidental death, and I’m thinking to myself, are there any non-accidental fentanyl deaths, Daniel Arnon to get SE to come to the Charlotte Classic in November? God, it’s weird. It felt like I just read that a few minutes ago.
(15:17):
This is one of the very few mornings, probably shouldn’t share this. This is one of the very few mornings that I didn’t poop before the show. We need John Young on to talk normal about Tovar. What do you mean to talk normal about her? I don’t think he’s seen any of her work, right? I mean, he was at the games. The weird thing about Robert De Niro is that Fentanyl probably came across the border and he supports the party that wants to keep the border open, and I just wonder how he reconciles that. I saw something the other day, and it’s unfair to you guys that this is, I’m going to tell you this. This is me throwing a temper tantrum. I can’t tell you what inspired this because it would be inappropriate.
(16:13):
That’s not the right word. I would dime someone out. What’s the word? But it is inspired by something that I’m not telling you guys, and because I’m not telling you guys what inspired it. It’s a little manipulative and the fact that I’m telling you it’s a little manipulative is kind of like a fake kind of sincerity manipulation in its own, oh fuck. I don’t know what I’m trying to say. But anyway, I’m going to say it anyway. The entire time I worked at CrossFit Inc. The entire time, the entire time, there were two primary financial engines.
(16:53):
Does anyone want to guess what they are? You in the back little girl with the ponytails. You want to guess what they are? Two biggest primary only financial engines that drove the company. What’s this? Haley Adams has come out with a boyfriend. You’ve seen all the hate. Haley Adams is getting online because of her new boyfriend. No, I love Haley Adams. I’m happy she has a boyfriend. That’s cool. Being naked with someone you love is awesome. Anyone, anyone? Two biggest financial engines? No. Okay, fine. It is the affiliate affiliate engine. So these affiliates around the world, 15,000 of ’em or 8,000, however many they are. Oh, there you go, Justin. Thank you, Jesus. Someone finally gives a shit. No, not sponsorship, not even close, but thank you Fiona for trying affiliate fees in the L one. So there’s all these gyms around the world and they pay a nominal fee to nominal. You can tell I’ve been brainwashed a little, a small fee, a small tithing to hq, and that makes a shit load of money for CrossFit HQ keeps the wheels turning. Then the other thing is selling seminars.
(18:16):
These two day insane, amazing courses that give you the cure for the world’s most vaccine problem, best money you could spend. I truly mean that. Crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy level. One being run by Dave Castro. Again, get them now. I was concerned for a while when Nicole wasn’t running them because eventually, eventually, I don’t know when. Five years, 10 years, 20 years. But eventually those will be infiltrated and they’ll be telling you, drinking coke is good. I mean, that’s just the way it is, but right now they’re amazing. Go get your fucking L one. The entire time I worked at CrossFit hq, those departments were run by women. I can only remember one man even working in the affiliate department and he didn’t last long. He lasted a month. The head of the two biggest financial engines in CrossFit Inc. Were run by women. Nicole Carroll, Lisa Lugo, and Kathy Glassman, and the affiliate team was almost exclusively women. I don’t ever remember there being any boys in there.
(19:24):
The entire legal team, I don’t remember one male lawyer except for the general counsel, Dale Sarant. All the other lawyers at CrossFit Inc. Were women. Think about that. All the lawyers who worked for CrossFit, I can’t remember one dude except for Dale, the entire affiliate team, the biggest financial engine in the company, all women including the head that’s arguably the highest executive in the company, the training department, the Cole Carroll, she co-ran it with Dave, but they’ve had the games. Nicole would give the presentations at the trainer seminars, the big ones. Women. Nicole’s right hand man, a woman Nicole’s next right hand man, a woman the entire time I worked there. I never thought that though. I never once was like, oh my God, we have a lot of women here. This is great. Go ladies. Thank you, Fiona. That’s not what I’m going for, but thanks anyway, left hand, man. Thank you. Left hand vagina. It was all women. There was so much vagina running hq. I all lies. It’s just crazy.
(21:09):
That’s good, Heidi. Heidi making reference to a clip earlier from our imbecile in the Oval Office. Nicole’s right hand man, literally think of that. That’s good. God, Katie, you’re good. Women, women, women. But I never once was like, oh my God, we have so many women in high places in this company. Never once you have be an idiot to think like that. You really are an idiot to think like that, and it’s okay if you’re an idiot. It’s okay if you’re an idiot. I have a huge components of me that are idiot, but don’t keep pursuing it. Know that it’s holding you back. Be a role model for everybody.
(21:52):
There’s very few places it matters whether that it’s a woman or a man doing the job. I’ll give you some examples. The person your baby is breastfeeding off of, you want them to be a woman a hundred percent. You shouldn’t budge on that at all. You want titties in a vagina and you want your baby to breastfeed off that the person you want defending your family in a fight. Penis, K and balls, street fight. You want that? You want the dude doing that, just for example. Oh, Matt Burns. I didn’t think of this. Did you notice how much ano and Nicole Carroll look alike? Ano is, they’re both hot. They’re both crazy, crazy attractive, and ano has some hair on her that is just nuts. I saw her hair come down a few times and it is just like she has blonde hair, but it’s blonde from the sun, not blonde. She’s a brunette, but her hair’s long, and so it’s blonde like mine in the back.
(22:58):
It’s cool. Oh yeah, good point, Blaine. Good point. That one does have exceptions unless you’re married to Rhonda Rousey. I agree. I mean that one wasn’t, that one wasn’t as cut and dry. A woman could. If you’re tussling with a dude and your woman couldn’t hit him with a bat, it’s cool, but you get my point, but I appreciate you fucking up my story. The two primary financial engines of CrossFit Inc. The entire time I worked there were women. The place just was just overrun by vagina and I never once thought of it like that. Although we need to get rid of those toxic males.
(23:40):
Dill smokehouse, all the girls in the U F C would kick my house. God damnit, you guys are ruining my story here. Let me come up with another example. What do you need to do to do? Maybe you don’t need to dude for anything. Maybe the only thing that’s a hundred percent is the same way that no one, you know how TTU is holding that dumbbell over a kid? No one wants a dumbbell held over them. Nobody. Nobody, nobody. Nobody. I don’t care if you’re like, oh, everyone’s different. Oh, don’t judge nobody. Tia doesn’t want one. Nobody. It’s just one of those things that’s a hundred percent. No one wants a dumbbell held over them and no one wants to breastfeed off a dude.
(24:21):
Oh, sperm donor. Okay. God, that’s the only job for dudes I know, but it’s so, okay, I will take it, Heidi, but I love men. Yeah, they’re cool. What a good place to find a man too, by the way. I don’t know how many of those, you know, I’d be curious. Heidi Crossing needs to stop asking those stupid questions on the surveys. Are you non-binary that all that shit, they just need to ask if you’re single or not. What a good place to go find a mate. The CrossFit games. There’s so many good men and women there.
(25:07):
Oh yes. Steven Flores opening jars. Yes, I’m a beast. My wife just told me the other day she still can’t open the kids’ water bottle. It’s the Yeti one, so we have the gallon and the half gallon. I have to put it between my legs and hold the two pieces of metal and fucking crank on it. I’d open a jar. Yeah, I can definitely, who won the, yeah, I bet you I could open things that Laura Hove can’t open. Oh shit. I better be careful. You guys think that’s true. Where’s Caleb when you need a pull?
(25:46):
Oh, there you go. Dick butter. Ha. I have to open my wife’s Yeti too. Well, it’s my kid’s Yeti. Yeah. You think that was too far? Robbie Myers, he says, careful se you think that there’s jars she could, Laura vac could open that. I couldn’t open fucking crank on that jar like a mofo. I put that the Yeti’s big, right? I put it between my legs and I grabbed those two steel handles and I just fucking cranked that thing. Pops mat. See, pro Horvat could open you up. Cevy, whatever. Dear Bill and Katie, are you out of your mind? Uhoh easy. Settle down, se how do Bill and Katie sell this and this, but not c e o shirts. I this hat was a trip. I saw this hat at the games. This Dave Castro, t d c hat, and look at, it’s like some tripping material. Oh, what do you think this review says? Let’s see.
(27:02):
No, I don’t want to review it. I want to read the review. How do I, oh fuck. Great fit. I went small, medium. I don’t have a huge noggin, so it fits perfectly. Thank you Dave and Rogue for supporting the legend. Oh, that’s kind of cute. Hey, this orange one’s dope If you’re a worker, if you don’t want to get hit at the construction site anyway, how do they not sell my, how do they not sell any c e o stuff anyway? Okay, fine. What’s a C E O Dad hat? Is that the one with, it doesn’t snap in the back. It just has a cloth. What is that one? That one. Oh, maybe this is why they don’t sell a C E O hat because I show stuff like this. Hold on. Here we go. Megan Kelly. She’s cool. Action
Speaker 5 (28:18):
A day. This is historic. Thank God the Supreme Court has finally seen the light and has ruled that racism in college admissions is no longer allowed. The US Supreme Court announces another blockbuster, and as I said, historic ruling. It is a six to three decision and the high court after decades of arguing over this, has finally ruled that it is unconstitutional to consider race in university admissions under the equal protection clause of our constitution. Chief Justice Roberts writing for the majority, eliminating racial discrimination means eliminating all of it, and he goes on from there. What a,
Sevan Matossian (29:07):
I can’t stop looking at her teeth. How are her teeth like that? I would lick her teeth. Oh my God. Are those real? When I see those on people, are those real? The dentist told me I have perfect teeth when I went the other day and my teeth are all fucked up compared to hers. He’s like, man, you have great teeth. Well, yeah, I floss and brush fucking five times a day. Oh no, Haley Adams boyfriend has pronouns in his bio. I a man bun. Fake glasses, big schnoz. My glasses, my nose is real and my glasses are real. I can’t see shit without these. I.
The above transcript is generated using AI technology and therefore may contain errors.
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