#784 – The Morning Show | Live Call In

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Sevan Matossian (00:00):

How many days? How many days were you not on the show? Bam. We’re live,

Caleb Beaver (00:03):

Um, from the 25th until today. So almost a week.

Sevan Matossian (00:08):

Wow. Was it weird coming back? Oh, I think you might have to move your microphone closer to your mouth.

Caleb Beaver (00:13):

All right.

Sevan Matossian (00:13):


Caleb Beaver (00:14):

How’s that?

Sevan Matossian (00:15):


Mathew Souza (00:16):


Caleb Beaver (00:17):

That. How about this

Mathew Souza (00:19):

Now? You sound like a pilot.

Sevan Matossian (00:22):

Hey, uh, was it weird coming back on this morning?

Caleb Beaver (00:26):

Yeah. Like, uh, I was telling, telling my wife, I was like, kind of stressed. I was like freaking out a little bit.

Sevan Matossian (00:32):

Yeah. That’s healthy. Awesome. Awesome. That’s awesome. Back in the seat. Uh, awesome seeing you, dude.

Mathew Souza (00:42):


Caleb Beaver (00:42):

It’s good to be back

Mathew Souza (00:43):

And in a normal room too. Not like <laugh>.

Sevan Matossian (00:46):

I don’t, I’m not saying I like that part. I was perfectly happy with you in that

Mathew Souza (00:50):

Room. <laugh>, you like the doctor’s office? <laugh>?

Sevan Matossian (00:52):

Yeah. That shit is great. I knew you couldn’t go anywhere.

Mathew Souza (00:54):

Damn. We should have stuck. We should have screenshotted and had him like be on green screen like that. And then that way he is like, hits the background away. He’s like, I’m back bitches. And it just falls away and he’s back.

Caleb Beaver (01:04):


Sevan Matossian (01:06):

So, so Caleb, you left where you were at and how many hours was the flight to uh, Germany?

Caleb Beaver (01:11):

Uh, flight to Germany was, I think it was six or seven hours. Six probably. Yeah, six or seven hours. Uh,

Sevan Matossian (01:18):

Were you with your homeboys or just by yourself? I

Caleb Beaver (01:21):

Was with everybody. Yeah. I saw my all, everybody that I was with, we just clambered into a commercial airliner and

Sevan Matossian (01:28):

Oh, you did with like real seats. You didn’t sit on the ground or those weird netted seats. Oh, that’s cool. Shit. Yeah. Was that a surprise for you?

Caleb Beaver (01:35):

No, we had flown it. We had flown the same airline to get there. Okay. And, uh, so I mean, it’s like a, just a contracted airliner with like a, just a shitload of seats that they’d pack everybody in together.

Sevan Matossian (01:46):

Is it a familiar name on the side of the plane? Like do we know it? Is it like south? I mean, obviously not. No, no, it’s not. Okay. No, it doesn’t say like Southwest on the side. <laugh>.

Mathew Souza (01:54):

It would still be there. It’d be delayed in Kansas.

Caleb Beaver (01:56):

Yeah, it would just be fucking stuck there. Probably. Uh, no, it’s like, so I don’t even know. It’s called Omnia Omnia. Um, they, I think they literally just contract for the military, but

Sevan Matossian (02:09):

Yeah. Hey, what does this mean? Um, that’s

Mathew Souza (02:12):


Sevan Matossian (02:12):

I saw. The fact that Caleb is a cat person makes me inexcusably. Horny.

Caleb Beaver (02:17):

Yeah. I think that’s horny. Uh, to be honest, I’m not really a cat person. Um, <laugh>, this cat just kind of got pawned off on us by a family member and uh, now we just have a cat. She actually acts more like a dog. She’ll like shake and like

Sevan Matossian (02:34):

Horn? No, he said that’s a word. What’s haunt mean? Someone needs to look that up. I

Mathew Souza (02:38):

Got it.

Sevan Matossian (02:40):


Mathew Souza (02:42):

Oh. It’s an urban dictionary. Great trace.

Caleb Beaver (02:44):

Oh great. Oh yeah. Okay. Yeah, that’s good.

Sevan Matossian (02:48):

What’s it mean

Caleb Beaver (02:49):

Here? I’ll pull it up. Oh, you got it too though.

Mathew Souza (02:52):

Wait, did my screen freeze? Oh, there it goes. There. It’s,

Sevan Matossian (02:57):

I don’t do that very often. I just, my nuts usually I don’t need to do that. This 7 0 2 a type of meme or photo that’s like porn, but usually posted in an unwanted awkward place for attention. Yeah. Well that it does look, that cat does look placed, right? But it’s not, it’s obviously watching something outside, but that cat totally looks like it’s staged. Like, I’m home. I’m a cat person.

Caleb Beaver (03:20):

Yeah, she’s uh, she’s watching some birds. I think.

Sevan Matossian (03:23):

Uh, uh, Jetro says there’s a dick story you that you mentioned you were gonna tell.

Caleb Beaver (03:28):

Oh God. <laugh> already

Mathew Souza (03:32):

Got three minutes. It’s been I

Caleb Beaver (03:33):

Know I didn’t, I thought everybody’s gonna forget about that, honestly.

Mathew Souza (03:36):

Just ease into

Sevan Matossian (03:37):

It. We can, we can, we can save it. We don’t have, we can wait. Wait a little bit. Warm up a little bit.

Caleb Beaver (03:43):

Yeah. We’ll wait, I, I need to find a good way to like articulate that story still. So just gimme a bit.

Sevan Matossian (03:49):

Jetro. It’s kind of, um, stories on here. It’s kind of like, there’s like a bit of it. It’s like foreplay. Like someone has to tell a story about how they fell down the stairs and someone else talks about how one time they choked, they gagged on their toothbrush and next thing you know, someone’s talking about a time they, their penis touched their friend’s penis. I mean, let us warm up to that. Uh,

Mathew Souza (04:07):

Kinda ease into it. There’s a yeah, there’s a playbook to these things.

Sevan Matossian (04:11):

Yeah. I’ll tell you though, I think how the story goes is, uh, he had to check a guy’s penis and there were no gloves and he had to bear hand it. That’s my guess. I don’t what that Caleb

Mathew Souza (04:21):

Story is. Knuckle side though. Knuckle side. Nine, nine

Caleb Beaver (04:25):

<laugh>. That’s pretty tame. Cons, uh, I think compared to the actual story, oh,

Sevan Matossian (04:30):


Caleb Beaver (04:31):


Sevan Matossian (04:33):

Guys. I wanted to, I I was thinking about this, this, uh, morning in the shower. So this show, what this show does, and, and I, and I stole this from, uh, Greg Glassman. This, this show sells the truth. So that’s all we have. All we have is the truth. And so we may not get it right, but that’s what we’re trying to do. And what I mean sells the truth. Not only are we trying to tell you the truth about everything, but we’re also trying to give you insights on how we think about it. So two plus two is four. And how we think about it is, um, I, I look at, uh, myself and Suza and then I look, oh, let’s do two plus one. It’s easier. I look at myself and Suza and then there’s Caleb and that’s plus one. And then I can count 1, 2, 3.


We try to actually tell you how we came to our conclusions on things. Uh, I like why I think it’s silly that, um, you talk about gun control without talking about the ramifications of outlying guns. We talk about, Hey, you talk about, or not you, but people talk about police need more training. We talk about, hey, well what’s the other side of the equation? The other side of the equation is that the public needs more training. And I think that that would be vastly more useful in conquering whatever the problem is. And it’s just an emotional response to say the police need more training, cuz we’ve been trying that bullshit for 30 years, et cetera. But I’m just trying to say that like, whether we’re right or wrong, we’re trying to, uh, tell you how we think not only the truth, but tell, and if we, if we detract from that at all, we, what we’re doing is, is we’re spending our, our equity, our, um, our, our show’s equity.


And we never want to do that. We never, ever, ever, we would never like want to lie to you on purpose, even if it were around a sponsor. So, you know, that thing that Hiller does? He, he says, um, uh, you know, uh, Brooke Wells is selling mattress a today and then tomorrow she’s selling mattress B and what are we all supposed to do? Throw away mattress A and then go buy mattress B if we’re supposed, but sh her, but she’s not selling the truth. And I was talking with a friend yesterday and he says that he doesn’t care when athletes do that because we all know, actually I still care. And, and what I mean by that is, is my friends tell me, Hey, it’s just an unspoken thing that we all know. It’s the white elephant in the room. Everyone knows it. Don’t take, um, these people, uh, seriously when it comes to the products they sell.


But I don’t think pe I I think it still speaks volumes to their character that they don’t acknowledge this, this behavior, right? So when we take on a sponsor, I can’t let them buy the truth at all. Or else I’m selling the show’s equity. I can’t have Gabe come on here and be like, Hey, I have a new tea coming out. Will you tell people you drink tea all the time? I just, I can’t do that because, um, it would be spending the, the only thing that I’m, that I have for you guys, I don’t have a nice butt. I’m not really good at CrossFit, but, but, but Brooke Wells and these other people are selling something else to you. Here’s where it gets weird and interesting. They consider themselves influencers, right? And so that they know that they’re influencing people. So then when they influence people in a bad way, they know they have to go to be at some point, they’re gonna have to answer to that in their life.


Anytime you lie, it’s going to, uh, reduce the fidelity of your ability to interact with the world and elicit happiness from it. Excitement, pleasure from it. So, um, I, where I, where I go with this, if, if you can connect the dots with me, is that then you have a, a company like CrossFit Mayhem. And this is where all this thought is, you know, there’s been so much fun stimulus that’s allowed Susan to have all these cool talks, uh, throughout the day. Mayhem says something really interesting because they’re trying to do both, right? They have their values up front, they think that the Bible is real and that Jesus is the savior and they’re trying to live to that while also selling things. So they even have put other rules. They’re like the Amish, they’ve put other rules on themselves while they’re playing by different rules than, than the rest of the, uh, community, right?


So the Amish have to sell to stuff, they have to sell fruits and vegetables at the market, but, and go against, uh, other companies, but they’re not allowed to use gas powered, you know, uh, or electric power, whatever the fuck their rules are to, uh, harvest that stuff, right? So there’s all these interesting, it, it’s just interesting, um, games, I don’t mean that in a bad way, but interesting techniques going on within the, um, ecosystem. With all of that being said, my specific thing with Brooke Wells was, and with all of these guys, and I’m gonna probably there’ll be no end to this because it’s such great content, is the fact that she made a post saying about her morals and her ethics and her values regarding Greg Glassman, even though we have no, her post made absolutely gave you no idea what the fuck she was talking about in, you know, in a full-length post. Um, the, the part that’s weird is, is that now you sell poison to kids. And so whatever Greg did must have been pretty fucking bad. If you’re willing to, now, if you, if you, if you can somehow think that selling poison the kids is less bad,

Mathew Souza (09:39):

She’s part of the matrix.

Sevan Matossian (09:41):

Oh, that is that giving her a pass? Is that your way of giving her a pass?

Mathew Souza (09:44):

No, I’m just saying that’s just, she’s just flowing down the river, baby, flowing down the river.

Sevan Matossian (09:49):

Well, I, I, if you do that, if you do that, you’re burning, don’t think that you’re not burning some equity somewhere. You are

Mathew Souza (09:56):

A hundred percent. You’re losing every time she does that. Or switches a sponsor that was sponsor A to sponsor B and they’re the same exact product and stuff like that, you lose trust with your audience and it’ll take her a while to figure that out because she has such a massive audience. I don’t necessarily know why we’re picking on her, but I don’t think we mean to just like, no,

Sevan Matossian (10:12):

No, not at all. Not trying to pick on at

Mathew Souza (10:14):

All. Example, not trying to pick it hurt all, but if you have a person and they’re selling you product A and then immediately they switch to product B within a couple of months. And like Sev was saying, like now of a sudden you’re like, wait, we bought a, now you’re on B, it’s, you lose trust each time with your audience like that. And slowly you diminish not only, like you were saying the equity of the show, but you’re diminishing that relationship with your audience. Because if you’re not endorsing products that you solely actually use and believe in and, and, and, uh, and truly back then, it’s only a limited time to where people just look at you as like, oh, they’re just pedaling something else this time and they’re not really gonna

Sevan Matossian (10:47):

Ask. And, and no one, no one buys that no one buys that. A snicker bar is a good way to get your, meet your macros and get your 20 grams of protein. No one, no one’s, no one buys that.

Mathew Souza (10:56):

Yeah. And that isn’t,

Sevan Matossian (10:58):

Well actually people do buy that a

Mathew Souza (11:00):

Lot. A lot of people buy it <laugh>.

Sevan Matossian (11:02):

But, but I don’t buy that.

Mathew Souza (11:04):

And a lot, everybody’s always looking for like, shortcuts. So when these athletes sell different things like that, they think, oh, it’s the reason why I’m not going to the games cuz I need to mimic Matt’s routine or I need to mimic Brook Wells’s routine and they’re eating this product. And so maybe if I eat that product, that’ll help me get closer Yeah. To my goals. And and that’s where

Sevan Matossian (11:21):

Maybe she’ll be a guest. I, I’m surprised at who comes on. Maybe she’ll be a guest.

Mathew Souza (11:25):

We had a moment at Waap Pusa, like we locked eyes and she gave me a nod and I nod and <laugh>,

Sevan Matossian (11:31):

I like her. I’d like to help her sell Snicker. I’d like to help her sell Snicker bars. Like if that’s, if I can help her do that.

Mathew Souza (11:37):

We’ll even set up the little fucking logo here, <laugh>.

Sevan Matossian (11:40):

But we’ll talk about, I’ll throw the Snicker Bar logo on there. Like, I like, I’d like to have her on, I think I’d be here. I think it would be a great value to have her on.

Mathew Souza (11:48):

Oh fuck yeah. It

Sevan Matossian (11:50):

Not, not a lot. Just once a week. Just as a once a week, regular day, once a

Mathew Souza (11:53):

Week. And then we could talk about how what’s inside the snicker isn’t actually real food.

Sevan Matossian (11:58):

I wouldn’t even do that to her.

Mathew Souza (11:59):

Not not to her, but then once she was gone

Sevan Matossian (12:02):

<laugh>. So, so anyway, so that’s the difference, right? I mean she has a talent and a skill and a body that, um, is, uh, that she is selling and I am just trying to sell the truth. And so when she does stuff like that, it’s just, she made, I should actually thank her. She, she’s made a, um, she’s made content for me. She set me up. So thank you. I appreciate it.

Mathew Souza (12:25):


Sevan Matossian (12:27):

Um, so how Roberts, I still won’t buy Snickers. Milky Way is so much better. Milky Way softer. His Milky way softer and Snickers is harder. Yeah. He likes the limp. He likes the Limp Placid and, and Brook likes the more hard, the nutty ones. The nutty. Yeah. Okay, fair, fair enough. My mom, my mom used to, um, take me to clarinet lessons and she would always get this bar at the liquor store next door. It was, uh, I think it’s called a hundred thousand dollars bar.

Mathew Souza (12:57):

A hundred grand. A hundred

Sevan Matossian (12:59):

Grand. Or maybe she would get a baby Ruth. Fuck, I don’t remember. I should just keep my mouth shut. I don’t remember <laugh>, uh, Scott Perkins would eat a Snickers bar off dad ass. There’s definitely a time in my life, uh, specific

Mathew Souza (13:15):

That’s very specific.

Sevan Matossian (13:16):

I don’t even eat my kids. Uh, I, I do bad stuff, but I don’t, I would, I don’t think I would, I don’t think, I can’t ever see myself ever eating a Snickers bar the rest of my life. I just wouldn’t choose to do.

Mathew Souza (13:28):

You know, what’s crazy

Sevan Matossian (13:29):

For my bad stuff

Mathew Souza (13:30):

Is, um, a lot of the parents that are like that, I’ve

Sevan Matossian (13:34):

Gone through cookie dough. I’d eat cookie dough. Sorry, go ahead. Go

Mathew Souza (13:36):

Ahead. Cookie Dough is good. A lot of the parents that um, have, uh, done nutrition stuff or, or done their like nutrition reset that we do every year, they have to fill out this food log and then, um, halfway through Grace will like look at it and we’ll be like, well, I have all your food logs here and then we just did your weight and it doesn’t seem to match up with what was on your food log, which is the results you’re getting. And, uh, uh,

Sevan Matossian (13:56):

Oftentimes what does that mean? You look fat and your food doesn’t show that you should still be fat.

Mathew Souza (14:00):

Yeah. Your body fat percentage hasn’t moved. Skeleton muscle mass hasn’t move, body weight hasn’t moved, but yet you’ve seem to have a perfect food log every single week for the last six weeks. Yeah. But yeah, as soon as we actually measure those, it’s like nothing moves. Right. And what ends up happening is a lot of time it’s parents and what they don’t realize is they’re like picking off of all their kids’ food as they make it, you know, so like, they’ll make, oh, and, and the thing is too, that, that always gets me, that I always like stop to think about is half the time the food that they’re like picking off and like, eating isn’t even food. They’re like, oh, well I’m, I, you know, I buy that stuff for the kids. It’s, I have the mac and cheese and they didn’t finish it, so I finished the mac and cheese and then I made ’em these stuff with the crackers and they didn’t eat the rest, so I ate the crackers. And then they’re also not logging that on their food log. And a lot of times I don’t

Sevan Matossian (14:44):

Even go to, I don’t even order food when I go to fancy restaurants, I just eat my kids leftovers. So I go to, to some restaurant where the hamburgers are $27 each and they each get a hamburger. And I don’t, I just, I just sit there, I get like a sparkling water and then when they’re done, I eat their shit. All of it. <laugh>. Yeah. Like the garnish. Like the garnish.

Mathew Souza (15:03):

And it’s, it’s always interesting to me because the parents will say that and then they’ll, they’ll be like, oh, well the kid, that kid that’s for the, the food is for the kids. Like you get those snacks for the kids, right? And then I kind of think, and I’m like, well, why the hell are you buying all that much junk for the kids in the first place?

Sevan Matossian (15:16):

I never, I’ve, and I take my kids to buy smoothies, like juice smoothies. I’ve never ordered one for myself, but I think I drink more than they do every time because they never finish their shit and then they pass their cups forward.

Mathew Souza (15:27):

Yeah. <laugh>. Exactly.

Sevan Matossian (15:30):


Caleb Beaver (15:31):


Sevan Matossian (15:32):

<laugh>, what is it?

Caleb Beaver (15:32):

It’s a dad tax. Yeah.

Mathew Souza (15:34):

Dad tax. Dad tax <laugh>. Oh, I Atlanta. Hey, you like my shirt? Oh,

Sevan Matossian (15:40):

CrossFit, uh, 2023. Oh, that’s cool.

Mathew Souza (15:45):

Yeah’s a pretty shirt I got at the event.

Sevan Matossian (15:47):

Caleb. Wh when it is, it’s a cool shirt. When can you, I guess at some point we could start asking you questions. When can we start knowing about where you were at and stuff? You have to be out

Caleb Beaver (15:57):

Probably now. I don’t really, it’s not like it was, it was more of a, I guess a secret while I was there. Cause I didn’t really want anybody to know. But, um, so do you want to know?

Sevan Matossian (16:08):

Yeah, yeah. What country were you in?

Caleb Beaver (16:10):

Uh, I was in Jordan.

Sevan Matossian (16:12):

That’s a country,

Caleb Beaver (16:14):

Uh, apparently. Yeah. Yeah. It’s a,

Sevan Matossian (16:16):

It’s a kingdom, right? Isn’t that the guy he’s married to a a white girl. American girl.

Caleb Beaver (16:20):

Yeah, it’s the, like the Hashemite kingdom of Jordan. So there’s like a prince who runs it, I think. And then, uh, a prince in a general, uh, the king passed away the past couple years or something like that. Um, so now it’s kind of run by the prince and the general of the military.

Sevan Matossian (16:38):

Does he keep, um, uh, that American girl there against her will?

Caleb Beaver (16:43):

Um, I’m not super keen on their, like, on them in general, so I don’t really,

Sevan Matossian (16:49):

I feel like there was some king over there that was, um, not allowing the chick to leave or something.

Caleb Beaver (16:56):

I, I think that they’re like very westernized, so I don’t think that that would be the case.

Sevan Matossian (17:02):

Um, can you tell us why you were there?

Caleb Beaver (17:04):

Um, I mean to work

Sevan Matossian (17:09):

<laugh>, I know, but why is the, why is the American government there? Why do we have Oh, are we, we have a copying on someone.

Caleb Beaver (17:16):

Um, I’m not a hundred percent sure on that. We have like a pretty good, pretty good working relationship with the local government and the military. Yeah. Like, and I think that’s kind of been going ongoing for a long time.

Sevan Matossian (17:27):

Um, pull out a little bit. Let me see. Uh, so we got, uh, Israel, Lebanon, oc, is that Iran in the south?

Caleb Beaver (17:35):

Uh, no, that’s Saudi Arabia

Sevan Matossian (17:37):

Next to Jordan. Saudi Arabia’s that big. Okay.

Caleb Beaver (17:39):

Yep. And then Syria’s right north of ’em.

Sevan Matossian (17:42):

Okay. And then Right, there’s Africa. So it just butts right up against the, the the dark continent.

Caleb Beaver (17:49):


Sevan Matossian (17:49):

Yeah. Okay.

Caleb Beaver (17:50):

It’s kind of just a, it’s a good central spot.

Sevan Matossian (17:53):

Does Jordan have a CrossFit gym?

Caleb Beaver (17:55):

They do, actually. There’s two affiliates, um, in the, that central city. The, I think it’s Ahman.

Sevan Matossian (18:01):

I think I knew that. I think that we, one time, uh, when I was working at CrossFit, we did a piece where we ta we did a piece, Carrie Peterson and Russell Berger did a piece on Israeli and uh, uh, Jordanian affiliates and their relationship was part of the piece.

Caleb Beaver (18:16):

Yeah, I think there’s two of them in the whole country probably cuz uh, Amman’s like the only city based the, like, the biggest and only city in the country.

Sevan Matossian (18:26):

Did Jesus do any shit in Jordan?

Caleb Beaver (18:28):

Uh, yeah. So right along the, what’s it called?

Sevan Matossian (18:33):

Because everywhere he went is fucked.

Caleb Beaver (18:36):

Like the Dead Sea or the Red Sea?

Sevan Matossian (18:37):

Like if he walked through your backyard, it was a mess.

Caleb Beaver (18:40):

Yeah. Oh, for sure. It’s so like the dead or the, the Dead Sea is kind of bordering Israel to the left. Um, and then you

Sevan Matossian (18:50):


Caleb Beaver (18:50):

Passed, there’s some river over there that he was baptized in.

Sevan Matossian (18:54):

Go to the left a little bit. Wait, you passed right over the Dead Sea. I know you were looking at the CrossFit gyms. Thank you, Susan. There was a, the, uh, pullout just a little bit. Yeah. And that wadi water down there is the Dead Sea that, so Jesus was down there. So everyone’s like fighting over that place. Everyone wants to like, have the spot where he took his first deuce or whatever. Yeah.

Caleb Beaver (19:11):

Basically. <laugh>, my God.

Sevan Matossian (19:13):

I mean, that’s the way it is. Wherever that dude went, it’s like here he knelt down and said hi to God. Here’s where some chick tried to touch his penis over. Here’s like, every spot’s got like a, you know what I mean? Right. Here’s where he, here’s where we think he’s buried.

Caleb Beaver (19:26):

So they, uh, there’s a, a spot in Israel that some people went and visited and there’s like just so many different things that they just try to, uh, enshrine of Jesus. Like from Jesus, like, oh, this is, there’s a drop of blood that he, uh, dropped in this and this bowl right here. And so now it’s like a relic. Like Yeah, everything isn’t like, there’s walls around it. You can’t get to it like within 10 feet of it. And then there’s another spot where like, supposedly like Jesus fell on his walk to be crucified. So like his hand, there’s like a hand print essentially of like where he touched the wall. And so that’s like a whole relic in itself. And everybody goes over there and they’re like touching it and they think it’s like a whole fucking thing and the wailing wall and yeah. It’s, it’s kind of bizarre.

Sevan Matossian (20:11):

Jesus isn’t buried my man. Fair. Fine.

Caleb Beaver (20:14):

Hmm. He has risen right? Of course. Sorry.

Sevan Matossian (20:17):

Marks gotcha. He’s got take care. He isn’t, uh, buried. Fine. I apologize. Hey, where he was. Hey. Where, how about where he was buried? Oh, now what? Snap. Oh, school. You reversal two points. We just changed the verb on that. Booya

Caleb Beaver (20:34):


Sevan Matossian (20:36):

Oh shit. Not cool. Pat Valer is a relic. Not cool. Damn.

Caleb Beaver (20:40):

Damn. Yikes dude.

Sevan Matossian (20:42):

Uh, jet throw. Uh, Cardona giving, uh, the orders hit the like button and, uh, Caleb’s return. Yes,

Caleb Beaver (20:49):


Mathew Souza (20:49):

Don’t hit it. Smash it.

Caleb Beaver (20:51):


Mathew Souza (20:52):

It. <laugh>.

Sevan Matossian (20:53):

Oh, he was never married. He was,

Caleb Beaver (20:56):

I think he was put in a tomb, but then he escaped the tomb. Isn’t

Sevan Matossian (21:01):

That right? Well then I’m schooled, then I’m school. Oh, Jeff got me Booya <laugh> fucking up. I’m trying to sell the truth here and Jeff’s fucking it up. Ah,

Mathew Souza (21:11):

He’s helping, helping out. He’s helping out. He’s not fucking out. He’s helping out <laugh>. Oh my goodness.

Sevan Matossian (21:18):

3 3 3 95. This one is, uh, interesting. This, this lady at, uh, Ms. N B C, uh, uh, hot lady. Uh,

Caleb Beaver (21:29):

Not, she

Sevan Matossian (21:30):

Just, she has a bunch of, um, here she is celebrating. This is, this is not what you want to be celebrating your husband for by the way. I am. Um, uh, if you Oh, that’s, oh, that’s what it brought you to. Did you? No,

Caleb Beaver (21:47):

There’s a, there’s two links associated with it, so I wasn’t sure which one.

Sevan Matossian (21:50):

Okay. Either. Okay, let’s play this one first. Either one. Either one. Yeah. Fine. Fuck it. Let’s do it. Uh, when is Chevy taking c beaver for white claws? To celebrate his homecoming? Maybe the next show, maybe we’ll do a white claw show.

Mathew Souza (22:02):

Whitelaw show.

Sevan Matossian (22:03):

Although I’m an influencer and I don’t want you guys seeing me partaking.

Mathew Souza (22:08):


Sevan Matossian (22:08):

An alcoholic beverages. Uh, okay, here we go.

Speaker 4 (22:15):

I know from my Twitter feed, uh, that many of you have wondered why I have been off the air for a little while. Well, I have been dealing with a little bit of a health scare. On December 20th, I began to feel chest pains and they waxed and waned over a period of 10 days. I wasn’t quite sure, uh, what to make of it, but as they continued to get worse, I started to think something was actually wrong. Um, it was December 30th when I finally went to an urgent care and was told I had reflex. I didn’t really buy it, but I was relieved it wasn’t my heart. Uh, my body though was pretty certain, uh, not to believe, uh, the reflux. The next day on December 30th, I woke up with severe pains both in my chest, in my left shoulder.

Sevan Matossian (22:57):

Oh, oh, pause, pause. Caleb

Speaker 4 (22:59):


Sevan Matossian (23:00):

Caleb watch her mouth. Did she have a stroke? What the fuck’s going on with her face? Watch her mouth please. Okay. I

Speaker 4 (23:08):

Took deep breaths that got worse when I was laying flat. I knew enough at that moment to understand that it could mean, could is the keyboard here that I was having a heart attack, especially cuz it was happening in the left part of my shoulder. I wanna remind you, I run seven miles three to four times a week or I did. Um, I do yoga. I don’t eat meat. I don’t smoke. I drink occasionally. Not right now though. Cause my doctor tells me I can’t. Aside from probably not getting enough sleep and working too much, I’m a pretty healthy person. But on that day I was anything but my husband drove me to the emergency room. And from there, the nightmare that has been. My January began, I was diagnosed with pericarditis, inflammation of the lining of my heart, brought on by a virus, a literal common cold. I also had fluid around my heart that had to be drained or else it could hinder the beating of my heart. I was hospitalized for four nights and transferred from a local hospital to N Langone here in New York City on January 4th. I was finally pause.

Sevan Matossian (24:08):

Uh, so, so something up with her mouth. I think Trish might see it too. Uh, why is she talking like this or her? Did she have plastic surgery or did she have a stroke? Something’s wrong with the way she’s talking.

Caleb Beaver (24:17):

Yeah, the right, like the right side of her mouth is like drooping as she speaks sometimes I noticed that. I don’t know, that might just be the way that she talks, but cause

Sevan Matossian (24:26):

It kinda, and look at that nose. She’s Armenian. That is not an Armenian nose. Really? That thing is so skinny.

Caleb Beaver (24:31):

Maybe she got a nose shot,

Sevan Matossian (24:32):

Maybe. Yeah. And then it just kept growing. Uh, she doesn’t eat meat. Well, there’s the problem. I I take drugs that are not tested. I I, God, this crowd is just like so smart. Here’s the thing. Let’s say it was just a chick who had a heart attack. How, how do you not, um, how do you not wonder what’s going on? Oh, could you click the other link? And, and this, this is kind of the creme de la creme that she finished. Man, dude, do not marry women like this. What the fuck are you doing? Uh, this is her husband and it says, happy Father’s Day to a guy who will wait eight hours in the cold for a vaccine. He’s celebrate. She’s celebrating that. Her husband’s a a cunt.

Mathew Souza (25:13):


Sevan Matossian (25:15):

Right? Oh my God, I’ve married such a bitch.

Mathew Souza (25:20):

Ah, she was falling in line making the obligor

Sevan Matossian (25:23):

Vaccine. I’m sports a man bun for solidarity. Solidarity For what? Like why does it have to be a So my kid sported man buns to pull their hair outta their face. Why does it have to be solidarity? You, you, it just screams ideological idiocy. Everything has to be for this chick. Uh, part of as is, as Matt said, part of the matrix, just a tool sport. The man bun for solidarity. I don’t even know what that means. And wear a costume to make his kids laugh. How can’t he anyone? Just do that stuff just for fun. Hey, I stood in eight lines to get fentanyl. I wear my hair up in a man bun so it’s not in my face. And, uh, I love playing with my kids. Peace out.

Mathew Souza (26:06):

Yeah, but there’s no virtuous singling in there, so I’m confused as to what it is you’re supporting. Right? I don’t

Sevan Matossian (26:10):

Understand. Okay. You’re right. I’m sorry. What

Mathew Souza (26:12):

Are you, what do you stand for? Savon? Yeah.

Sevan Matossian (26:14):

What do you I stood, I stood in line for fucking two hours to fucking get a drink at the bar.

Mathew Souza (26:21):


Mathew Souza (26:23):

Such a fucking hero.

Sevan Matossian (26:24):

And, and, and it would’ve only been an hour and 50 minutes, but I’m so short that two people, when I get close to the front, two people still got ahead of me. Sal, did you already do your obligatory happy first day of Black History Month? No, I don’t fucking do black History Month. It’s fucking, it’s racist at its core. Uh, uh, women want, uh, men not a man bun for solidarity. Yeah.

Mathew Souza (26:46):

Should I stop growing mine? Cuz I was growing mine

Sevan Matossian (26:48):

For So no man buns are fine if you just wanna do a man bun, but,

Mathew Souza (26:51):

Well, I don’t, I wanna represent solidarity and now I’m now you’re Oh yeah, well self conscious about it. Like as if, like I can’t be supportive of the thing with my man bun.

Sevan Matossian (27:02):

Hey, I, I I think like if, um, uh, I don’t know, like, like, like let’s say Caleb had to shave his head cuz he got cancer and we shaved our heads to like support him. So we look like fucking, you know, weirdos too. I’m totally cool with that.

Mathew Souza (27:20):

I’d do that.

Sevan Matossian (27:21):

Yeah, I totally do that.

Mathew Souza (27:22):

I’d definitely do that.

Sevan Matossian (27:24):

I fucking in a second. Yeah, I agree. But I’m not, but I’m not using, I’m not. Um, and, and if Caleb wanted me to start calling him Chuck, I would do that. Or if he said, Hey, you know, when you call me Beaver, that really fucking, I got made fun of a lot and say, Greg, can you not call me Beaver? Ah, I couldn’t stop that. Sorry. Be sorry Caleb. God damn it. I tried, I tried. It’s like it’s hypothetic. It’s 10% of your value is your name Dude. <laugh>. <laugh> Percent. Hey, when you first came, when I first met you, it was 90%. So it’s like

Mathew Souza (27:54):

<laugh>. That’s a good Wow.

Sevan Matossian (27:56):

It’s a totally good sign. Nice.

Mathew Souza (28:00):

They’ll, anyway,

Sevan Matossian (28:00):

Yes. I’m sorry about your heart condition. Uh, my Armenian sister and you’re hot and, uh, I, I, I saw you wearing tight clothes in some of your videos and you have a great body. But don’t lie, like we already know your network is just paid and bought for by Pfizer. Just be cool. Just

Mathew Souza (28:15):

Be cool. What did she say at the end of that video? Was it a, was there anything like she

Sevan Matossian (28:19):


Mathew Souza (28:19):

Towards the back or is that, that was it. She just outlaid it and said she didn’t eat meat and then we all moved on.

Sevan Matossian (28:24):

Yeah. She should at least say, Hey, I know a lot of you fucking people are gonna think it’s MyCard. It’s it’s from the vaccine and I did get the vaccine and, and, and I understand why you think that because of the lack of trans. I mean just something, just something fair. Just, just something, um, uh, um, gen genuine, just something that’s not disingenuous.

Mathew Souza (28:46):

I was gonna try to get a, I just ran out of time last night. I was gonna put in a little sound bit that said brought to you Bili and then every time we away something I would just hit the sound bit. But I figured if we did that too much, it would ding all of our episodes.

Sevan Matossian (29:00):

<laugh>. I don’t know, maybe that would give us a pass on a ton of shit.

Mathew Souza (29:03):

They just like assume its the news starting each time. So they don’t even really like ding us <laugh>. They’re like, oh no, it must be a noose station starting.

Sevan Matossian (29:11):

I got these three, uh, when I came back from Tahoe, I have these new wrinkles ever since I went to Tahoe

Mathew Souza (29:17):

Trip. Just, I just swallowed it in the microphone. Sorry

Sevan Matossian (29:20):

Heidi. Heidi. No, you can swallow away.

Mathew Souza (29:22):

She got all mad last time.

Sevan Matossian (29:24):

The three 90.

Mathew Souza (29:25):

The snow

Sevan Matossian (29:26):

Just dry. My skin. My skin is so dry still. My nose is so dry still. It’s weird. I can’t,

Mathew Souza (29:31):

Yeah, the air’s super dry up there.

Sevan Matossian (29:34):

Um, uh, you see the Jim Brewer bit about conspiracy theory and vaccines maybe, uh, uh, 3 94. I, I need this. Explain to me, I I so need this explained to me. So there’s a company called CrossFit and um, they’re a health and fitness company and they’re selling these shirts. Um, this is the picture they use for the shirts they’re selling. It’s the.

The above transcript is generated using AI technology and therefore may contain errors.

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