#569 – The Not Top 10 | 2022 CrossFit Games

Sevan Matossian (00:00):

Do you want me to bring up the article to start? I panicked it first. Bam. We’re live. Uh, uh, uh, one, one second. We gonna say Caleb, what’s up, dude.

Caleb Beaver (00:09):

Hey, good morning.

Sevan Matossian (00:10):

Good morning. Oh, this is gonna be a fun show today. Oh yeah, it is with, uh, Jr. And Taylor, they’re gonna be on, we, we went live about five minutes early because I wanted to address, uh, I don’t know if I’m addressing the, um, Jason Dunlop issue or if I’m addressing the continuous, uh, horrible, horrible reporting coming from the morning chocolate, man, it it’s almost like they’re go. They go out of their way to lie. I I’m starting to wonder cuz they know because I watched the, um, I watched the interview. Lauren KH did with uh, um, LA Franco and although I’m a huge fan of Lauren Khalil and her insane work ethic do not waste your time watching that interview. Holy shit. That guy’s full of shit. <laugh> that is 12 minutes of just the only reason that you should watch that is if you wanna make content about it.

Sevan Matossian (00:59):

Like for me, it’s great. Cuz I can make content about how ridiculous it is. But if you like want information <laugh> um, it’s like, let’s say you wanted information about plum trees, the information you’re gonna get and I’ll get into the details a little bit here, but it’s like, mm plums are good. <laugh> plum trees grow in sunlight. Hm plums. The plum industry is thriving. Plums, plums, plums. I plums some plums are red. Yes. Some are some plums are red, green. And so you’re likes on, you’re wasting our time now. I’m being funny. I’m being funny. <laugh> Hey, so here’s the deal with Jason done lot. We’ve known for you. I’m gonna explain it a bunch of things to you. We’ve known forever. He’s not gonna be around. He is a, um, he sells shit. So his career is to sell, um, iPad covers that say Nike or CrossFit or sorry, Caleb, us army, or just any iPad cover.

Sevan Matossian (01:58):

That’s what he does. He sells iPad covers. So if there’s a business, he sells iPad covers for it. That’s what his job is. And some of you are like, that’s not true. Listen, listen, it’s a metaphor. It’s a Simi like choose your item. Like, um, choose your item, whatever hats, whatever pens, commodities. Yes. He’s a marketer. And most people are in business and that’s why the entire C-suite is fucked over at CrossFit because the only people who know how to work, the only people who know how to work and who are working over there. And I would say this with almost certainty are people like Nicole Carroll, Dave Castro? I think Gary Gaines is, might be starting to figure it out. But if you didn’t work there before and you don’t fall from the Glassman pedigree, you won’t understand what we’re selling. And so you bring a guy from Nike and all he knows how to do is sell shoelaces.

Sevan Matossian (02:47):

Um, the, the, the cheapest made shoelaces that they can get made in China from slave labor. That’s that’s his job. That’s his job. So there’s two huge problems with, um, all these people who are coming over, they just know how to put systems in place. And then they want the rats to do the work. That’s not what’s going on at CrossFit. They still don’t realize here it goes here. It goes. They still don’t realize that they bought the hell’s angels and they did not buy Harley Davidson. So you bring people in like this girl, Aaron, Jason Dunlap, uh, um, Gary Gaines. But, but I think, but Gary, I think is honestly, I think he’s figuring out, um, you bring in, um, uh, Eric Rosa, they have no fucking clue what they’re fucking selling. It’s almost, it’s not even their fault. And then on top of that, their woke, you have to understand CRO none of, none of those people matter to the day to day workings at CrossFit.

Sevan Matossian (03:42):

If, if you’re on the board, you’re wasting money by hiring people like that. You don’t need them. It’ll be interesting to see if Don can figure out what’s going on at CrossFitting. But anyway, so this guy, Jason Dunlap, Dunlap was brought on. We’ve known he’s gonna be let go for four months. We knew he was woke. I explained to you what woke is yesterday, racist, sexist, homophobic, everything you do, you get that you wanna do. You get the opposite results of what you wanted. It’s it’s a shit show disaster. I wish I could find his fucking Lincoln post that he made about G B Q. You guys would fucking shit yourself. It’s shit that like, uh, 20 years ago, the left would’ve killed you for it is so fucking bad. Is it honest? LinkedIn? His whole LinkedIn has changed now. It’s all orange theory, fitness already.

Sevan Matossian (04:25):

It it’s CRA. Yeah. So these are serial executives that only know how to do, um, uh, these, um, systems. But like you have someone like Nicole Carol over there. If we could just like go into Nicole’s Carol’s house right now and take the roof off and TAs wouldn’t shoot us. We would see someone who work. She knows how to work because she understands what the product is. Well, step on you haven’t said what the product is yet. It’s selling personal accountability and personal responsibility and sharing the cure to the world’s most vexing problem, which involves queue up to pyramid, nutrition, and movement.

Sevan Matossian (05:06):

And when you have the truth, you say it in a, as millions of different ways as you can so that as many people can digest it as possible, but you don’t focus on selling that. You just focus on that message because we don’t have, we, we’re not, we’re gonna release, um, 12 different iPad colors. They knew right away when they bought done lap on like any, anyone who knows what CrossFit is knew that he, the day he was brought on was the day he was let go. But we’ve known when, when, when, uh, when, um, morning chalk up says two days ago, uh, breaking news, they, he knew too. They all knew, um, wine schnitzels, a a, a S he leaks all of that shit to, um, he leaks all of that stuff to, uh, to, to, uh, Justin LA Franco. I just wanna read you one. I wanna, if you could scroll down, I wanna read you one thing that says it all. Um, it is, um,

Mattew Souza (06:01):


Sevan Matossian (06:02):

So none of those people know what they’re doing there. You have to, you have to know that, and it doesn’t matter. It, no affiliate should be worried about who comes and goes in the C-suite other than Dave and Nicole, possibly Gary Gaines. And, and now we’ll see what Don does. If Don can figure out what kind, if he’s in a car, a boat or an airplane where it’s gonna be interesting to see if he can figure it out. But, um, this is this right here.

Mattew Souza (06:24):

What are you looking for?

Sevan Matossian (06:26):

Um, that

Mattew Souza (06:26):

Was the bottom of the article where I just scrolled. Jr. Have you washed that shirt yet? No, sir.

Sevan Matossian (06:33):

Um, I was

JR Howell (06:33):

Way too excited to wash it.

Sevan Matossian (06:36):

I’m gonna find the

Caleb Beaver (06:38):

I’m just glad that it got there. It didn’t.

Sevan Matossian (06:42):

Okay, here we go. Here we go. So, listen, um, this is, this is a quote who knows if it’s real? I don’t know what it, it, it feels like just morning. Chocolate just makes anything up. Uh, it did, man. It’s so it’s the, the babbling he does. He really wants to pretend like he’s a news guy. Um, the welcome. This is a quote from this, from this morning chalk article, and thank you for the content morning, chocolate. I mean that sincerely the welcome I receiv from this highly talented, passionate, inspiring team has been a joy and I’m in awe of their commitment drive and motivation to propel orange theory brand forward across the globe.

Mattew Souza (07:21):

Sounds, sounds familiar.

Sevan Matossian (07:22):


Mattew Souza (07:23):


Sevan Matossian (07:26):

Dude, dude, he, he where’s, I wanna know where the health and wellness part is. I’m interested in spreading health, uh, and, and wellness and teaching people how to move. I, I, I wonder if that, I bet you that dude does not cannot squat below parallel. And I mean that in the grossest most judgemental way, like, oh my God, you can’t squat below parallel. Uh, I mean that from the most pretentious arrogant CrossFit position, I can, um, I, I’m excited to work with this incredible team and continue unlocking global potential of OTF of OTF, huh? OTF. Hey, soon as you hear someone in a, uh, in a position, unless they’re in the military and they start using acronyms in the general public Douch

Mattew Souza (08:12):


Sevan Matossian (08:13):


Sevan Matossian (08:15):

Widget salesman, iPad salesman. It’s a joke. Of course he wasn’t last and it, it, and the bottom line is everyone woke is getting fucking thrown out CrossFit one by one. They’re being taught, ah, sometimes two by two. They’re all being crossed out and that’s what’s really going on. And Justin knows that. And I why he won’t say that. I don’t know. I, well, I don’t know if he knows it. He might be in denial. They might be in denial, but Weinstein will be next. That chick Aaron will be next. The entire DEI team will be boo. Bye

Sevan Matossian (08:46):

<laugh> boo. Bye. You will all be tossed out because at the end of the day, someone on the board has to make money and you have to, someone’s gonna have to figure out holy shit, this is a fucking a company of the highest fucking integrity and only operates when it’s completely honest and operating at the highest level of integrity because it’s selling the operating system to the human genome and any noise in that message fucks up the fidelity and the quality of the message and the effectiveness and efficacy of the program. Wow. So one, I didn’t know. You could sound smart and it sometimes

Taylor Self (09:21):

<laugh> wa zombie I your

Sevan Matossian (09:24):

Card, dude. Who, what

Taylor Self (09:26):

Wa zombie keeps asking this in the comments. I just wanted to acknowledge it finally. Oh please. I got it. I got it, Jr.

JR Howell (09:32):

No, I got nothing mail. Doesn’t come to my house or Jim, Hey, something. It’s like an inside job. I think Chevon did no.

Sevan Matossian (09:39):

Listen, listen, all of us behind the scenes. Don’t like you Jr. And we’re like, Hey, did you tell Jr you’re sending him shit. Yeah, but you’re not. And then we

Mattew Souza (09:46):


Sevan Matossian (09:47):

With like 20 different people.

JR Howell (09:49):

Perception of reality.

Taylor Self (09:50):

Somebody called me Tiana Taylor in the comments. I love it. Wow.

Mattew Souza (09:55):

It’s that mustache. So we can also take bets on the next revolving do Csuite exec. That’s gonna be leaving and going to another, uh, global brand.

Taylor Self (10:04):

This is is good. This is good. They’re leaving. It’s good. Right? I

Mattew Souza (10:07):

Don’t know. It’s good. Holding

Sevan Matossian (10:09):

The streams. It, it actually is really, really good. Cuz you have to understand those people have not done anything since the day they were there because they don’t know what they’re operating with. That’s why you see the training department doing so much shit relative to everyone else. I mean, you, you, you, you guys are, we’re all in the, in the community. Can you think of one? Oh and, and LA Franco kept talking about the games as like being the cornerstone of the implicitly as the cornerstone of CrossFits. It’s not even, it’s

Taylor Self (10:34):

Not, I hate to say this, but I hate orange theory.

Sevan Matossian (10:38):

What is it? What I it’s

Taylor Self (10:39):

Like? Well, here’s the thing you pay the same. You pay the same price for a CrossFit membership. You’re paying like $185 a month. And your orange theory, coaches have a fucking fraction of the education that any L one has from a weekend seminar. What

Sevan Matossian (10:54):

Is it? It’s a jazz size class. It’s basically just,

Caleb Beaver (10:56):

It’s like rowing and TRX and bike. And it’s like a, it’s like Surga training, but you like stay within

Taylor Self (11:02):

The, the, they play the skin flute work

Caleb Beaver (11:04):


Sevan Matossian (11:05):

What’s wrong with

Taylor Self (11:07):


JR Howell (11:08):

Wrong with jazz. Styleon

Sevan Matossian (11:10):

Nothing. Nothing, nothing. Nothing’s wrong with the skin flute? My fucking level 10 player.

JR Howell (11:14):

My mom, my mom has mom has owned an operated a jazz size for 40 years.

Sevan Matossian (11:21):

No. Is that true? Holy

JR Howell (11:22):

Shit. Hundred percent.

Sevan Matossian (11:23):

Oh, that is. And it’s actual brick and mortar. Jazz size

JR Howell (11:27):


Sevan Matossian (11:29):

That’s that’s the

JR Howell (11:30):

Fondest thing down. She’s yeah.

Mattew Souza (11:31):

That’s impressive.

Taylor Self (11:33):

What is a jazz size? I thought you were talking about that fricking thing that hangs around your neck, the jaws size that you put in your mouth in like chew on.

Caleb Beaver (11:41):

Oh yeah.

Sevan Matossian (11:42):

Yeah. You’re too young to know what jazzer size is. That’s

Taylor Self (11:44):


Sevan Matossian (11:45):

That’s amazing. That’s

JR Howell (11:45):

Fucking amazing. Like it’s like you could think of it as like aerobic dance fitness.

Sevan Matossian (11:50):

It’s the first P 90 X dude.

Taylor Self (11:52):

Wow. That’s pretty cool. Your mom owns that. So you come from a fitness lineage, Jr. Yes.

Sevan Matossian (11:57):

That’s what I was thinking. Holy shit.

Taylor Self (11:59):


Sevan Matossian (11:59):

Dude, it’s hardcore. It’s the jazz size ladies of the day. It’s fucking hardcore. It’s like it’s pre it’s way. ZBA. It’s the shit. Hey, how many brick and mortar? Jazz sizes are left?

JR Howell (12:14):

Not a lot.

Taylor Self (12:15):

Wow. One. No, <laugh> one.

Sevan Matossian (12:19):

I’m gonna send your mom. I’m gonna send your mom a CEO shirt. She might be the CEO of jazz size. Holy shit.

Taylor Self (12:24):

That’s pretty cool.

JR Howell (12:25):

Yeah, she kills it, dude. She still teaches multiple classes a week. She’s what? 65 now. And she’s super fit.

Taylor Self (12:33):


Mattew Souza (12:34):

Damn. I just wanted Livermore. No,

Sevan Matossian (12:36):

There’s this. Um, you don’t even know your competition. You’re fucking half the businessman. I thought you were singing.

Taylor Self (12:41):


Sevan Matossian (12:44):

What the fuck is that?

Taylor Self (12:46):

That’s my competition, bro. That’s what I thought you were.

Sevan Matossian (12:51):

That’s how you work out your tongue. That’s clear. Clear training. Oh

Taylor Self (12:55):

Dude. That’s cock training bro. That’s

Sevan Matossian (12:57):


Taylor Self (12:58):


Sevan Matossian (13:00):

Hey, do you guys know Susan? Do you know the story about the lady who is pres? She ended up becoming president of like, uh, general motors. She was just a housewife.

Mattew Souza (13:08):


Sevan Matossian (13:09):

And she, and she, and she, she came up through the, um, girl Scouts of America. Do you know that story?

Mattew Souza (13:14):


Sevan Matossian (13:15):

No. I’m gonna have to find that. I’m gonna have to find that story. But if anyone wants to re know about how the fucking world really works is this lady,

Mattew Souza (13:23):

Mary bar.

Sevan Matossian (13:24):

She she’s a, um, she’s a, uh, she was a housewife. She had a son and one of her friends is like, Hey, would you run the girl Scouts chapter in our area? And she’s like, I don’t even have girls. No. And they’re like, we really need someone and we know you can do it. And she’s like, fine. So she just ran a local girl Scouts chapter. And then from there became like the girl Scouts, like regional director. And then, then like the bigger region and then eventually becoming president of the girl Scouts of America and then ended up becoming fucking the CEO of general motors. It’s it’s a fucking crazy story. And she’s kicking and screaming the whole way. Doesn’t want any of the fucking jobs.

Mattew Souza (14:00):

Sounds like the person who needs to have the jobs.

Sevan Matossian (14:02):

Yeah. It’s the exact opposite of me.

Taylor Self (14:06):


Sevan Matossian (14:08):

I’m doing the kicking and screaming part, but

Taylor Self (14:10):

I, I bet.

Sevan Matossian (14:11):

Okay. The 10 biggest fuckups that make it. So Taylor might not watch the CrossFit games next year are

Taylor Self (14:20):

Number 10. They’re not the biggest fuckups but they’re just, uh

Sevan Matossian (14:23):

<laugh> but sorry. The 10 funnest moments.

Taylor Self (14:26):

They’re the not top 10

Sevan Matossian (14:28):

And that’s a real ESPN thing.

Taylor Self (14:31):

Oh yeah. Dude. Come on, man. You’ve never seen that.

Sevan Matossian (14:34):

No, I wonder if we’re gonna get, um, if, are we allowed to title at that?

Taylor Self (14:38):

The not top 10? Yeah. Yeah. I don’t, they don’t have that trademark. There’s no way. Hey, we

Mattew Souza (14:42):

Made it okay. Through the last one, right? Seven there’s, no little things or marks or discrepancies.

Sevan Matossian (14:48):

Yeah. Did you see that? We did get a Dingo yesterday for playing the George Carlin bit.

Mattew Souza (14:52):


Sevan Matossian (14:53):

Really? Yeah, we heard,

Mattew Souza (14:56):

But that was on fucking Instagram.

Sevan Matossian (14:59):

2022 CrossFit games. Not top 10 sent to me by Taylor CrossFit. Charlotte, gmail.com.

Taylor Self (15:07):

Jesus. You just gave the world my email. You

Sevan Matossian (15:10):

Fucker. No one can spell Charlotte dude.

Mattew Souza (15:12):

<laugh> it’s not the first time you got in trouble for that. Not the

Taylor Self (15:15):

First. Yeah, no one can spell Charlotte. You know what? Oh, I can’t say it. Nevermind. All right, let’s go.

Sevan Matossian (15:21):

Uh, what’s the what’s the, the last thing we did was that, uh, top 10, uh, greatest moments from the CrossFit games. Uh, any, any feedback you guys got from that? Any, any, like anything you wanna say, you wish you would’ve changed it. You got yelled at, you. Got, you got your wife thinks you’re great and bought your birthday cake. Anything.

JR Howell (15:43):

I think it’s a shame on some of the stuff, even, um, the grit that Rebecca ally showed that like, people will remember that workout such an iconic workout more so for her, or maybe for Hailey, not able to finish the final 50 feet more so than like Ricky and Gabby. I think that was Macala’s first went the CrossFit games, but no one even, I mean, I remember the, like the event ended and you said, I don’t even know who won that. Who, who won it. Right. And we told you, and you were like, she did <laugh>. Right. So it’s crazy that we don’t remember things always for who, who wins them.

Sevan Matossian (16:19):

Yeah. Was it, that was it that show that I was kind of blown? What, what was the first workout of the day? That was the bike, the bike. That

JR Howell (16:28):

Was the first workout of Friday, the capital, but the first workout of the competition was the bike.

Sevan Matossian (16:32):

Yeah. And I was, and I didn’t realize until a couple days ago until I did the show with you or with Brian, that that was Ricky’s comeback workout for the CrossFit games. And he won it. I mean, what a statement, what a fucking statement. And

JR Howell (16:47):

Even so everyone’s gonna remember it more so for the ones that didn’t do the whole workout more so than for Ricky winning it.

Sevan Matossian (16:54):

Do, do you guys watch baseball?

JR Howell (16:57):


Sevan Matossian (16:57):

Oh, well, I walked by TV the other day and I don’t watch baseball either. And the Dodgers were playing this other team, the Dodgers or the LA team, and the game was finishing and the guy, they were interviewing a guy and he had just set the world record for most double home run games, meaning he had just hit two home runs in his 20th time in his career. And he was a young kid and he didn’t even look juiced up. And, uh, it just trips me out in 2022 that in a sport that’s that evolved that there’s still records, uh, being said it was something, um, Dodgers knew, Moy bets, MLB record for multi, multi home run games. And then, and then I text someone who’s a Dodger fan. And I said, holy shit. And they said, the Dodgers are now the greatest team. This is the greatest baseball team that’s ever been on the field. And I text back to my friend, are you vaccinated? And, and they stopped talking to me.

Taylor Self (17:53):


Sevan Matossian (17:54):

So that was that. Hey, did you guys hear the, what the guy called in yet? Did you guys hear the show yesterday?

Taylor Self (17:59):

No. What did the guy calling about?

Sevan Matossian (18:02):

He took all the Canadian athletes from the CrossFit games and he showed their placement last year to this year and in totality, every single fucking Canadian athlete, except for two went down and they went down for a total of 71 places.

JR Howell (18:26):

Did he, did he remove Emily from that though? Since she had to withdraw?

Sevan Matossian (18:31):

No. I think that you think that just adds like 30 to it right there.

JR Howell (18:36):

<laugh> well, probably, probably more than 10 spots.

Taylor Self (18:40):

Sounds like some objective data.

Sevan Matossian (18:42):

It’s still, it’s still pretty. Uh, it’s still, it’s still a lot. 40, 30 points would be a lot 40 points would be a lot.

Taylor Self (18:49):

But my question is how many new athletes are Canadian versus how many new athletes are American or from

Sevan Matossian (18:54):

Sure. Sure. All that shit would be fun to dig into too. Let’s do a whole show. Oh, sh shots versus non shots. Let’s just cut through the bullshit.

Taylor Self (19:03):

That’s what we’re really talking about. Yeah.

Sevan Matossian (19:06):

Okay. Ready? Number 10. Oh man, this is tough. We’re starting off hard.

Taylor Self (19:11):

This is well, yeah, we’re starting off hard, but it’s like towards the bottom of the list, you know

Sevan Matossian (19:17):

This isn’t funny. This is sad. Taylor.

Taylor Self (19:19):

She looks like she drank a bottle of qui before the event.

Sevan Matossian (19:22):

Oh shit.

Taylor Self (19:24):


Sevan Matossian (19:24):

Oh fuck. I, I, Hailey, I did not say that. You always,

Taylor Self (19:29):

It’s not a fuck up. It’s just like, wow, you never see her like this. It’s uh,

Sevan Matossian (19:33):

She has really heavy eyes at all times. Maybe she, maybe she does drink a lot of IL.

Taylor Self (19:38):

Uh, she drops it. She’s like go, she

Sevan Matossian (19:41):

Picks Haley falls prey to the bag. Do we know how long she spent on the stairs? The stairs are short. Right? It’s the shortest part of the workout were

JR Howell (19:51):

The grief flights

Taylor Self (19:52):

Or two at one point she picks up the bag. She holds it for a second. She puts it back down. She’s like, yeah, I’m just kidding. I think that’s right here.

Sevan Matossian (20:01):

She, she ended up, uh, dragging it up the stairs. Right. And not carrying it as we get to the top.

Taylor Self (20:08):

Did they say you could move it however you wanted? It had to be a bear hug. Yeah.

JR Howell (20:12):

I think it had to be a bear hug. Once you hit the steps.

Sevan Matossian (20:15):

No shit. You couldn’t drag it. No. I feel like when she was at the very top step, I thought I, I got the feeling that she was dragging it.

Taylor Self (20:24):

She was like carrying it on her knees. That, that bag fucked her up.

Sevan Matossian (20:28):

What do you think? Went out? What happened?

Taylor Self (20:32):

I just think Haley probably weighs like 130 pounds maybe. And that bag weighs 150 pounds. And if the bag weighs that much more than you, it’s just gonna hit a little different.

Sevan Matossian (20:44):

My favorite shot of this event O her, her struggle was when the camera, the camera angle. If I remember it correctly was at the bottom of the stairs, shooting up to her and the bag sitting like two, two steps away from the top. And she’s looking, watching people come up and it’s like, oh fuck. Yeah. How many people pass her when she was on the stairs? Do we know

JR Howell (21:07):

A, she, she was, she was in first. Right. All the way until that point. And then everyone just started passing.

Sevan Matossian (21:16):

She was in first place. And, and from here she can see the finish line, right?

Taylor Self (21:20):

Yeah. It’s, Ted’s like 10 feet away from her.

Sevan Matossian (21:23):

Holy shit.

Taylor Self (21:24):

The back was carrying Haley <laugh>.

Sevan Matossian (21:27):

Hey, anything, anything? Um, anything comparable in sports? I mean, the only thing I can think of is, is when, um, it’s one of those marathons where the guys, like, you know, like the, the, the guy from Kenya, he just fucking turns into a fucking baby giraffe and his leg stopped working, you know, call it,

Taylor Self (21:43):

It reminded me a little bit of Jason last year. The, you know, when he was on the, uh, sandbag rope climb workout, and it just punted him. So I don’t think it’s anything crazy. I just think she, her heart rate got up so high and those probably farmer handles, blew her grip up. And then she was like, wow, I cannot carry this thing. Yeah.

JR Howell (21:59):

The arms just had nothing like no juice at all to hold on.

Sevan Matossian (22:03):

Uh, SU I know this is a tough ask because it’s such a long clip, but could we see when she crosses the finish line? Yeah, right there. Can we, is she at the top of the stairs right there? I wanna see what happens to her when she finally crosses. Who is that behind her? Is that quant

JR Howell (22:16):

Looks like Cole.

Sevan Matossian (22:20):

Wow. Whoa, angel Forbes puts her hands on her. Wow. Wow. I’m fucking calling the fucking HR department on that shit. I, I was right

Mattew Souza (22:31):

Over there before they kicked me out.

Taylor Self (22:33):

When I don’t think she panicked. I think she just blew the fuck up and was like, damn, I did not see this coming.

Sevan Matossian (22:40):

And, and who is that? And where is he taking her? She drank a bottle of NY. Well, damn.

JR Howell (22:46):


Sevan Matossian (22:47):

Uh, what was going on at the top there? Where did they take them? Did they have like mats or cots or something or are they just Flo ’em down on the concrete over there out of the way.

Mattew Souza (22:57):

They actually took her up against the, uh, Capitol building and she flopped down and it was in one of the, um, mayhem videos. And then she just sits there, like completely just spent up against the wall, in the shade, on the grass.

Sevan Matossian (23:09):

I I’ve definitely been to at least two or three CrossFit events where at the finish line, people are peeing, their pants did. Did, did anyone pee their pants at the top of the capital? Cuz if not, whatever, anybody, no, no peeing.

Taylor Self (23:22):

I’ve I’ve pissed my pants once in a, on a long run and it was on purpose. It was like, I used to have this thing where like, I wouldn’t stop running. And if I stopped to walk, I was quitting. This was like back when I was fat before I was like in good shape. So I was like trying to shed the pounds. Like if you walk, you’re a fucking pussy. Yeah. So I’m like running on this run and it’s taken me seven minutes to try to pee while I’m running. And finally I was raining too. So it wasn’t like, it was, you know, it was, I was soaking wet from the rain, but I was also like, I have to pee. Right. I don’t wanna stop. And anyways, that’s my experience.

Sevan Matossian (23:55):

It’s weird when you’re, I don’t, I don’t know if I’ve ever talked about this publicly, but when you’re a dude and you pee your pants, it ki it can kind of hurt your Dick. Sometimes if it’s in the wrong position, it almost feels like someone’s rolling your Dick. Do you know that feeling?

Taylor Self (24:07):

<laugh> no

Sevan Matossian (24:09):

Kind of hurts. No, no. I don’t like, I don’t like to pee in pools. It kind of hurts a little bit. It’s like, it’s like

Taylor Self (24:14):

That. That’s that 50 year old Dick. So on.

Sevan Matossian (24:16):

Oh, fine. Fine. Alright fine. Am I maybe it’s cuz I’m uncut. Uncut,

Taylor Self (24:24):

Uncut. Maybe

Sevan Matossian (24:26):

I I’m intact. I don’t have, I don’t have mutilated genitalia.

Taylor Self (24:30):

Oh my God. Mu

Sevan Matossian (24:34):

What? We’re talking about. The CrossFit games. It’s important. All of this stuff. Anatomy is important.

Taylor Self (24:40):

Hey, I’m about to piss my pants right now. Dude.

Sevan Matossian (24:42):

Someone, someone propped. That’s an STD. You’re a bitch. It’s not a St D who pulled that up on the screen. SU Caleb fucking you’re suspended for five shows.

Taylor Self (24:56):

Oh my God.

Sevan Matossian (24:58):

Austin Hartman. Okay, please. Austin. Tell me about like penis discomfort. Uh, I beat a thousand times during runs and bikes. Triathletes are always covered in piss.

Taylor Self (25:05):

It stings a little when you’re trying to force it out and you’re like, you’re exercising. And so like, you’re moving at the same time. You’re trying to pee. It stings a little like you have a, like you have a kidney stone almost.

Sevan Matossian (25:15):

I haven’t, I haven’t experienced that, but I felt it like, it’s like twisted in a knot when I’m peeing. And I’m like looking like I have to, like, I have to like shake my pants, rattle it, let it hang long.

Taylor Self (25:23):

I kind of felt like a Savage afterwards. I was like, yeah, I just fucking pissed myself. So I wouldn’t stop running.

Sevan Matossian (25:28):

It’s like a level of commitment. Right?

Taylor Self (25:31):

I did it playing football once too. A coach was like, you wouldn’t let me go to the bathroom. And we were standing on the 50 yard line about to start the game, um, like about to take the field and he’s like, push your pants. And I was like, fuck it. All right. And I played a whole game with piss.

Sevan Matossian (25:45):

Wow. That’s awesome.

Taylor Self (25:48):


Sevan Matossian (25:49):

Hey, it’s kind of liberating.

Taylor Self (25:51):

I hit a home run in baseball too. Cuz I had to pee really bad. He wouldn’t let me go to the bathroom. And I was like on deck and that was the only home run I ever hit. I sucked at baseball.

Sevan Matossian (25:59):

God, this is like the story of my life. How many times has Taylor pissed himself during a podcast? No quit in him.

Taylor Self (26:06):

<laugh> I have a Gatorade bottle.

Sevan Matossian (26:10):

I had to guess. I had to guess one time tell me that someone was under the desk during the show.

Taylor Self (26:15):


Sevan Matossian (26:17):

I swear to fucking God, 568 shows in someone. Someone got a hammer on one of the shows. Yeah. I’m not making that up.

Taylor Self (26:26):

What guess you are making that up?

Sevan Matossian (26:28):

What guest? I am not making that up

Taylor Self (26:30):

Fucking last.

Sevan Matossian (26:31):

I refuse to tell you what guest it is, but I, I, and I won’t even tell you whether it’s a man or a woman

Taylor Self (26:36):

<laugh> oh my God.

Sevan Matossian (26:38):

Jr. Just taking it all in.

Taylor Self (26:41):

That sounds like something hunter, hunter would do.

Sevan Matossian (26:43):

Jr’s gonna speak to his priest tomorrow and be like, you know, I didn’t say any of this shit, but I was, I heard some of it

JR Howell (26:48):

On the Sabbath.

Sevan Matossian (26:49):

Some of it on

JR Howell (26:51):


Taylor Self (26:51):

On the Sabbath.

Sevan Matossian (26:52):

Some of it came in, uh, number nine up and over Colton needs a jet pack. Oh

Taylor Self (26:59):

I love Colton, but this is so funny. Why do they have to do

Sevan Matossian (27:02):

This thick move? Wow. That looks taller than um, 50

Taylor Self (27:06):

Inches. It’s it’s like the Matt Degos pull up bar thing. Like you don’t have to have box overs this high, just fucking come on man.

Sevan Matossian (27:13):

So, so that, that, that, that beam right there that we’re looking at that, um, log that’s at 50 inches. So that’s four foot four foot two. So that’s a, still a foot lower than his head. Maybe more 14 inches.

Taylor Self (27:28):

Yeah. But it’s close. Think about, think about,

Sevan Matossian (27:30):

I know it from this angle. It looks taller

Taylor Self (27:31):

Than him. Yeah. Think about, you’re looking at an object. You have to jump over and it’s at fucking eye level, dude.

Sevan Matossian (27:36):

Yeah. No thank you.

Taylor Self (27:39):

Okay. Watch him run. He runs.

Sevan Matossian (27:40):

How much of this can we watch without being canceled?

Taylor Self (27:42):

You can watch a box jump. He’s gonna hit it real quick. This is crazy. And this is more of like Savage for him too. Just the fact that he had to do this and he still beat people in this event. Oh my God.

Sevan Matossian (27:53):

Yeah. His legs kind of go out a little bit. Right. To give him that extra inch. Oh. And then he walks off every jump like that.

Taylor Self (27:58):

Yeah. Everyone. He gets a running start and he still beat people.

Sevan Matossian (28:03):

Crazy. I

Taylor Self (28:04):

Forget what show you’re talking about it. But someone was like, anyone who got beat by Colton, this workout should quit. And I don’t know if they should quit, but they should definitely reevaluate some things.

Sevan Matossian (28:14):

Hey, I wonder what his, what? Wouldn’t it be awesome if you knew what his inside talk is right there.

Taylor Self (28:19):

He just fuck all these bitches. If I can jump <laugh> I would be, I would be hype. I don’t know. This is,

Sevan Matossian (28:25):

I think he’s cursing his grandpa.

Taylor Self (28:28):

You fucker. Yeah. He’s probably cursing Adrian Bosman. Like why are we doing these stupid ass fucking box jump overs.

Sevan Matossian (28:33):

Hey, and that shirt right there is that custom. Did he tear the sleeves off that? Because that’s boss.

JR Howell (28:42):

They didn’t. Oh no, it looks, it looks like there’s a seam. Cuz I wanna say when Ricky was wearing the leader’s Jersey, they zoomed in on him once and it, it looked like it was himmed like that.

Sevan Matossian (28:51):

I’m just gonna say Colton’s got a little Brad pit in them. I’m just gonna say it a little,

Taylor Self (28:55):

A little, a little Brad

Sevan Matossian (28:56):

Pit. Yeah, little <laugh> <laugh>

Taylor Self (29:01):

Uh, dude, I’m getting get fucked up for this. I, I

Sevan Matossian (29:04):

Hope he fucking drives over to your house, right? He’s about to Iowa right next to south

Taylor Self (29:07):

Shit outta me.

JR Howell (29:08):

He’s about to message. He’s about the message and comment Taylor, how’s the road qualifier going for you

Taylor Self (29:14):


Sevan Matossian (29:15):

<laugh> you’re not doing it. Are you Taylor?

Taylor Self (29:18):

No, I’m not doing it dude.

Sevan Matossian (29:21):

Fucking full of Sam doing

JR Howell (29:22):

It daughter.

Sevan Matossian (29:23):


Taylor Self (29:24):

Not. Yeah. He’s dude. I wanna know what his time is on that row handstand, but up workout.

Sevan Matossian (29:29):

So, so what’s going on right now

JR Howell (29:30):

With yeah, him and Telo Telo is probably smoked that too.

Sevan Matossian (29:34):

There’s a, there’s a rogue qualifier going

Taylor Self (29:36):

On. Invitational qualifier.

Sevan Matossian (29:37):

I thought so how

JR Howell (29:39):

Is they doing a qualifier this year? They went back to qualifier. They, they invited what? Maybe 10 and 10 and

Taylor Self (29:44):

Then the top 10 and then the rest I think are qualifier.

Sevan Matossian (29:48):

And how many is that?

Taylor Self (29:49):


Sevan Matossian (29:51):

So 30 total?

Taylor Self (29:52):

No 20 total. Okay. I’ll have 10 invites. 10 qualifier.

Sevan Matossian (29:57):

Oh shit. Okay. I

Taylor Self (29:59):


The above transcript is generated using AI technology and therefore may contain errors.

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