Sevan Matossian (00:00):
That was a hell of a yawn. We did it. Hey, did you know? It’s kind of cool.
Taylor Self (00:15):
It’s my camera not fucking focus. There we
Sevan Matossian (00:17):
Go. I don’t want to mischaracterize it. I want, but I want it to be fun. But basically in a nutshell, for two years, you could say you were one of the most vocal people two years ago. You came on, took the space by storm and for two years have just grown this voice of yours that talks about the games, talks about workouts, talks about games, think about all the people that have done that, and then you’re like, fuck it. And you put it on the line against three of the best CrossFitters in the world, three weeks in a row. It’s just crazy. Dude.
Taylor Self (01:02):
Hey, is my audio coming through my mic?
Sevan Matossian (01:04):
Yeah, you sound great.
Taylor Self (01:07):
I can’t hear you through my,
Sevan Matossian (01:09):
Through headset. Yeah, it’s So is there a volume switch on that?
Taylor Self (01:17):
It’s coming through my Mac mini speakers.
Sevan Matossian (01:21):
I know that’s probably annoying, but I’m not getting an echo, so it’s fine. You can go to the settings and hit audio. Can you change it? I changed it. Oh, okay. You can log out, log back in if you want to try.
Taylor Self (01:33):
Yeah. Give me one second.
Sevan Matossian (01:34):
Sorry. Take your time. No, that’s cool. I’m so retarded. No, it’s Sunday morning. It’s chill. Hey. Hey. Good morning, Chris. What’s up, dude? Yes, yes, that’s correct. Birthday stand. Yes, of course. Duh. Ken Walters. Good morning. Two of the podcast favorite. Should be a good one. Thanks, dude. Actually, Colton’s actually coming on at seven 30. I need to send him an invite. We’ll kick Taylor off at seven 30 and get Colton on for 30 minutes too. Just kind of debrief with the dudes, right? Just be like, yo, what’s up? How’d it go, drew? What’s up, dude? Good morning, Hexie lover. Yo. Yeah, so we got 30 minutes with Taylor. How about now? Better?
Taylor Self (02:31):
Perfect.
Sevan Matossian (02:32):
Oh yeah, that was it. You just turn it on and off and it works.
Taylor Self (02:36):
No, I did the settings on the Streamy yard, but I didn’t change it on my Mac. I had my Mac settings as default Mac mini speakers. I was listening to some YouTube the other day
Sevan Matossian (02:48):
While, Hey, what room is that?
Taylor Self (02:50):
This is our office kind of room.
Sevan Matossian (02:53):
Do you normally do the podcast from there?
Taylor Self (02:55):
Yeah, always.
Sevan Matossian (02:56):
Oh, you look like you’ve gone next level,
Taylor Self (02:58):
Dude. Well, we haven’t been on a show. What? Yeah, we have. You just don’t ever notice because we’re on the show with seven different people, but I’ve been doing shut up and scribble from here for the past six, seven months.
Sevan Matossian (03:08):
And do you do it like this in this mode? Wait,
Taylor Self (03:12):
No. We do it in the mode we’re in right now, this mode or the other on shut up and scribble. Not that mode.
Sevan Matossian (03:19):
Caleb, you can come on if you want.
Caleb Beaver (03:21):
I didn’t know if you just wanted to hang out
Taylor Self (03:23):
With Caleb. Me and Caleb have the same discover feed on Instagram,
Caleb Beaver (03:30):
Just retards
Taylor Self (03:32):
Trans men and fucking,
Sevan Matossian (03:34):
Hey, that really is your algorithm you were sharing with us.
Taylor Self (03:37):
My algorithm is all crackheads dogs like cool dog or animal videos. Crackheads doing insane shit or furry transvestite. Just like, what the fuck is this video?
Sevan Matossian (03:53):
God, mine. Mine. That makes me worried because mine’s just pretty much Mine’s like insects and Beaver.
Taylor Self (04:01):
No, dude. Yeah, beaver and not the animal, bro.
Sevan Matossian (04:06):
Yeah, no, mine’s like insects, like scorpions eating frogs. And then just
Taylor Self (04:11):
That green haired bitch was on my timeline this morning.
Caleb Beaver (04:14):
Right? It’s crazy, dude. Shit. Yeah. This is our,
Taylor Self (04:21):
Oh, yes. Yep. That one. Is this the cringe page?
Caleb Beaver (04:24):
Yeah, yeah,
Sevan Matossian (04:24):
Yeah. Oh my God. That looks like, go scroll down. That looks like John Zinc if he was fat. The world’s greatest Arm wrestler. That’s crazy. You
Caleb Beaver (04:30):
Want to watch this one? Yeah, sure. What is
Taylor Self (04:32):
This?
Caleb Beaver (04:35):
Anyway, I had to catch a fly. Oh my.
Sevan Matossian (04:39):
Oh my God.
Caleb Beaver (04:41):
Oh my God. Holy
Taylor Self (04:45):
Fuck.
Caleb Beaver (04:47):
Yeah, that’s the feed.
Sevan Matossian (04:49):
That’s a human toad code.
Caleb Beaver (04:51):
That’s crazy. So you catch a fly, catch
Taylor Self (04:55):
A fly
Caleb Beaver (04:56):
Rib it.
Sevan Matossian (04:57):
Okay, let me get us back on track here. Sorry. Taylor Self is the man. I love Sentinel training and how helpful he is with any questions I have, I’d recommend it to anyone. Taylor versus the World was the best. Thanks to both. Thanks to both of you for everything y’all do. Taylor, do you remember how Taylor versus the world
Caleb Beaver (05:13):
Started?
Sevan Matossian (05:14):
Yeah. What the origins of it are? What was it? Do you remember? Caleb? Oh, the
Taylor Self (05:17):
Water palooza workout.
Sevan Matossian (05:18):
What happened? Wasn’t
Taylor Self (05:19):
That it?
Sevan Matossian (05:20):
So you and Bryson did it together? Is that what we did? No,
Taylor Self (05:26):
The Waap Palooza workouts came out and two of ’em were really wheelhouse for me, so I was like, oh, I’ll do those live because it’ll make me look good.
Sevan Matossian (05:33):
Did we do ’em on this channel or did you do ’em on your YouTube?
Taylor Self (05:35):
We did ’em on this channel.
Sevan Matossian (05:38):
And Bryson didn’t do ’em?
Taylor Self (05:39):
No, no. He helped film
Sevan Matossian (05:42):
Then what? Then we were just like, Hey,
Caleb Beaver (05:45):
We should do the Open
Sevan Matossian (05:47):
Will got the camera. I think really all we liked was the fact that Will didn’t got a good feed.
Caleb Beaver (05:54):
What was
Taylor Self (05:54):
Crazy? Yeah. Yeah. What we liked was that the wifi or just the stream was immaculate and we were like, holy shit, we could do this for the open.
Sevan Matossian (06:05):
Wow.
Taylor Self (06:06):
Look at Will. Oh yeah. You did
Caleb Beaver (06:07):
Them back to back, didn’t you?
Taylor Self (06:09):
Yeah.
Caleb Beaver (06:09):
You did ’em on the same
Taylor Self (06:10):
Stream. Did ’em back to back. Yeah.
Sevan Matossian (06:12):
Oh, so you did the workout, then you rested and then you did it again.
Taylor Self (06:15):
Yeah, I didn’t even rest. You guys talked to me and I had four dates and then I did the next one, and then everyone What up? Pu was like, dude, your second workout score sucked pussy.
Sevan Matossian (06:23):
Damn. I wonder
Caleb Beaver (06:24):
Why.
Sevan Matossian (06:25):
Damn.
Caleb Beaver (06:27):
Yeah. We were like, are you ready? And you’re like, I guess you just went
Sevan Matossian (06:30):
Holy, holy F Savon. Jesus Savon. It wasn’t that long ago. Your memory is going, dude, I’ve never had a What do you mean going? I’ve been like this since I’ve been three.
Taylor Self (06:43):
Yeah. And then Waterloo did completely change except for the first one I did. They didn’t change.
Sevan Matossian (06:48):
So I remember just the stream being crazy clean and then just, well, I don’t, sorry, I don’t mean to use the word. Remember the stream being clean and then it just moved so fast. It was like, Hey, we should do Taylor Self versus the world. And then I think shit started just rumors started just not rumors. It got out, I think, and then Jason and Colton and dLAN were just down.
Taylor Self (07:17):
I hate shit like this. This is why I fucking hate the open.
Sevan Matossian (07:20):
Why?
Taylor Self (07:21):
Because I just,
Sevan Matossian (07:22):
You don’t want to be in 27th.
Taylor Self (07:24):
Fuck no,
Sevan Matossian (07:26):
27th out of 200,000 people. And I’m pissed,
Taylor Self (07:30):
Which is so dumb. I have no plans to compete this year and I will continue to say that because I don’t, but I don’t.
Sevan Matossian (07:40):
After the open on whatever, the last show we did was on Friday, we got off the air when you and Colton did it, and me and Will were hanging out and Caleb were hanging out and Will’s putting all the cords away and shit. And he sits down in the chair and his shoulders are kind of fucked up like this and he’s like, dude, I fucked my backup, just taping some wire down. And I was like, oh fuck, you really are my son. You even got the bad back. Poor kid.
Taylor Self (08:09):
That sucked. Two years ago. I was setting up a competition. I picked a wall ball up and my fucking whole back locked up a 20 pound medicine ball. I just twisted the wrong way and it just went,
Sevan Matossian (08:20):
Did it hurt or just lock up?
Taylor Self (08:22):
I mean it hurt. I had a massive muscle spasm. So I’m sure that’s what happened with Will or maybe is what happened with Will, because it wasn’t doing,
Sevan Matossian (08:31):
But he was crooked.
Taylor Self (08:32):
Yeah, dude, it looked like I had scoliosis. I had my shirt off. I was getting tri needles and my whole torso was like me just because one side was all wrenched up.
Sevan Matossian (08:41):
Yeah. When I hurt my back, my torso is no longer sitting over my hips when I look in the mirror. Yeah, yeah.
Taylor Self (08:45):
Looked like you have scoliosis
Sevan Matossian (08:47):
Or someone put the Lego man together wrong. Put in. There’s one leg hanging out. Damn. Okay, so then it comes up and do you think it’s a good idea right away? Are you excited about it right away? Taylor Self versus the world,
Taylor Self (08:59):
The open? No. Well, I was, you
Sevan Matossian (09:02):
Faked it pretty good. I mean, you just rolled with it. When did it set in that you’re like, oh fuck, DA’s coming.
Taylor Self (09:08):
Well, I kept telling you and Jr that there could be a workout that would come out that I might not be able to do or that would be,
Sevan Matossian (09:14):
I blocked that out.
Taylor Self (09:15):
I know you blocked that out, but I fucking didn’t. Dude, you’re like, that’s not going to happen. And the whole time I was pretty much certain it was going to happen or at least thinking it was. And then week three it happened. That to me, that was worst case scenario. And JR. The whole time I was like, no, no, no, it’s not going to. It’s too open, dude. It’s not going to happen. So that was my big fear because in a lot of ways I’m not ready to compete in a lot of ways and I am not just bullshitting either
Sevan Matossian (09:44):
Physically or mentally.
Taylor Self (09:45):
Mentally, no, sorry. Physically not mentally. Mentally I’m sharp. So
Sevan Matossian (09:50):
You do week one and you must be pretty confident. You must be pretty like, oh shit, okay. I did it.
Taylor Self (09:57):
It helped a little knowing I haven’t put myself out there in two years, so it helped a little knowing I’m pretty in ways that I should be fit, but I also know that there are some big holes that I’m just not prepared to test that thruster workout on Friday. I probably wasn’t prepared to race someone really, really good at that workout. Clearly I was healthy enough to get through it and do well, and I’m really happy with that. I’m super, it was a big mental hurdle for me. A big physical hurdle as well. But if you’re not doing stuff like that consistently, you’re not going to be ready to go against Colton. You know what I mean?
Sevan Matossian (10:40):
You’re not going to like this comment. You ready? Trigger warning time for Taylor to do High Rock’s event.
Taylor Self (10:48):
Fuck you, bro. High Rocks is for bitches. Sorry, hunter. That’s where everybody who’s washed up goes. I sent that in our text the other day. I’ll say it out loud. I’ll say it on the stream. High Rocks is where quitters go.
Sevan Matossian (11:02):
Taylor, if you do semis, I’ll come to Knoxville and give you a stand.
Taylor Self (11:06):
How big are your hands? They got to be big hands.
Sevan Matossian (11:12):
So it’s interesting you have someone, I’m trying to think who it is, but let’s say in our group, it’s Bill Grundler, right? Former games athlete, and he talks and people listen, right? He brings a lot to it. He’s competed at the highest level and here you are probably the most opinionated and vocal person. I put you even above John Young Most
Taylor Self (11:32):
Wow. Above John Young
Sevan Matossian (11:34):
In terms of your vocalness and your passion and your certainty and what the words that you say. Yeah, you’re pretty vocal. And then you had to put up with the world to judge you. You know what I mean? You did it the other way. It’s pretty wild. It’s pretty cool. And I know you can be like, no, fuck you. I’ve done the open before. People can go back and look. Yeah, but for two years you’ve been sitting down in a chair just talking shit.
Taylor Self (11:58):
Well, that’s what everybody thinks is that I’ve just been sitting down in a chair talking
Sevan Matossian (12:01):
Shit. Right, right, right. Hey, what about having your girl judge?
Taylor Self (12:09):
I know it make the optics of that seem like it’s a big dick move, but it’s really not.
Sevan Matossian (12:15):
But the optics clearly are
Taylor Self (12:17):
Right. The optics look that way, but she’s the most qualified person there outside of Andy and maybe one other person. And Andy wants to hang out and drink a beer and watch. And it’s worse if she judges me. I think. I don’t want her to judge me as much as she wants to say. She won’t let me get away with something. She will. And the last thing I ever want is to get away with anything
Sevan Matossian (12:38):
Bro. Rep v. Rep
Taylor Self (12:40):
A V rep. Yeah. Dude, no V reps.
Sevan Matossian (12:43):
Who did she judge?
Taylor Self (12:45):
She judged dLAN and Colton.
Sevan Matossian (12:46):
Did either of them protest?
Taylor Self (12:48):
No. None of them got any. Oh, he might’ve. I don’t know if dLAN got a no rep or not. One, no rep. I don’t know if he got a no rep.
Sevan Matossian (12:58):
You’re like, Hey, this is your judge. By the way, I was balls deep in her last night.
Taylor Self (13:01):
Oh my God.
Sevan Matossian (13:04):
Hey Colton. I was eating this chick out last night. She said it was the best ever. She’s your judge. There’s nothing biased here.
Taylor Self (13:13):
Christ.
Sevan Matossian (13:17):
I mean, it’s just the reality of it,
Taylor Self (13:18):
Dude. It would’ve been way worse if I had Andy Judge either of them. He’s the most hardcore motherfucker in there.
Sevan Matossian (13:23):
I’m perfect.
Taylor Self (13:25):
He will make you start a workout over. That’s how many no reps you’ll get. And I’ve done that several times.
Sevan Matossian (13:30):
Hey, listen, I’m perfectly okay with it. I actually like it. I like having that type of shit like, fuck you. We do what we want. You have a needle hanging out of your ass and your chick’s judging someone else and you know what I mean? And whatever. I like all the cheating. But imagine if that was at the games. Imagine you’re at the games and your chick’s judging you. I wonder if they’d allow that final event, Taylor Self and Roman first and second place, and you’re judges either judging you or Roman. Oh my God.
Taylor Self (14:02):
Yeah. That’d be crazy. I
Sevan Matossian (14:04):
Wonder if they’d allow that. No, Hong Kong money. Misha. That looks like a Hong Kong dog. That’s an Asian person’s dog. Look at that.
Taylor Self (14:12):
What are those dogs called?
Sevan Matossian (14:13):
Ibu Shinu or something? Nu yeah. That’s so cool. That’s so stereotypical. I like it. Finally, catching you guys live. Just want to say thanks for all the content that’s open, truthfully, the most entertaining open in yours because of it. Thank you. Weird fucking dogs.
Taylor Self (14:31):
Hey, hear my dogs. Fucking, Hey, hold
Sevan Matossian (14:34):
On. It’s not even that loud. It’s not even that loud. It’s not even that loud, Taylor. It’s not even a big deal. And if you’re going to yell at your dogs out, do it so we can hear. So we can hear how
Taylor Self (14:47):
I redneck yell at him. Yeah, yell.
Sevan Matossian (14:48):
Hey, shut the
Taylor Self (14:49):
Fuck up. That’s how I
Sevan Matossian (14:51):
Are you yelling at them or your
Taylor Self (14:52):
Wife? No dogs. And they don’t listen. Either
Sevan Matossian (14:59):
The dogs or your wife
Taylor Self (15:02):
Both. There’s anything to listen to.
Sevan Matossian (15:07):
Ken Walters. I saw Thumb and John Young and Tyler Watkins and Jeremy World do a workout in the campground. By the way, Jeremy’s fit as fuck. He finished that workout.
Taylor Self (15:20):
Wow.
Sevan Matossian (15:20):
Yeah. Crazy. Right in the campground in Madison last summer. Dude’s definitely not sitting around.
Taylor Self (15:25):
I
Sevan Matossian (15:27):
Dude, Tyler Watkins is fit as fuck too. I didn’t realize Tyler was so fit.
Taylor Self (15:31):
That workout was a hundred clean and jerks. It was 25 at 95. 25 at 1 35, 25 at 180 5, 25, 2 25. And John Young was like, oh, I just fucking bent him over and buried it in him.
Sevan Matossian (15:45):
He thought he was going to win.
Taylor Self (15:46):
Yeah. Yeah. He’s like, oh, barbell.
Sevan Matossian (15:49):
Oh, heavy barbell. Hey, are you a football fan?
Taylor Self (15:54):
I used to watch college football religiously. I wouldn’t do anything on Saturdays other than watch college football. I would train from eight to 10 and then from 10:00 AM I would sit my fucking ass on the couch and watch college football. But I don’t anymore.
Sevan Matossian (16:05):
How did Sevy do on 24.3? I still haven’t even done it. Yesterday I went to a Jiujitsu tournament and just stood there, stressed out for fucking seven hours. Just crazy stressed out.
Taylor Self (16:16):
That’s kind of what a CrossFit competition is really like a wrestling meet, you’re there all day. You do multiple matches in a day. That’s kind of what it reminds me of.
Sevan Matossian (16:27):
And my calves are sore because I’m on my tiptoes the whole time looking over people, or that’s a lie. I’m on my tiptoes all day trying to look over people. It’s fucking horrible. Why don’t you just
Caleb Beaver (16:39):
Edge your way to the
Sevan Matossian (16:40):
Front? I do that too. I do that
Taylor Self (16:42):
All the time.
Sevan Matossian (16:44):
I do push my, it is pretty cool. You can say, Hey, my kid’s up. But you can’t even your kid’s sitting down on the mats and you can’t really get close to ’em, and then all of a sudden your kid goes, and then, so it’s like you have to be on your tip toes to see how close your kid’s going. I dunno if you saw, but Tyson’s the quarterback, who’s the number one quarterback on the Chicago Bears got traded away. Justin Fields.
Taylor Self (17:14):
Justin Fields, yeah.
Sevan Matossian (17:15):
And I think that that makes Tyson the number one quarterback, but it also gave the Chicago Bears the number one draft pick. And from just a little bit that I’m, I
Taylor Self (17:23):
Gave ’em the number one pick. I thought they traded for a six round pick. They
Caleb Beaver (17:26):
Did. They already had the number one
Taylor Self (17:28):
Pick. Oh,
Sevan Matossian (17:28):
Okay. Okay. Oh, okay. My mistake. But either way, they’re supposedly going to pick this guy who won the Heisman last year from University of Southern California.
Taylor Self (17:38):
They’re going to pick him as their quarterback. They’re fucking stop wasting picks on quarterbacks. They’re retards. That’s what these shit teams. Can I talk for two seconds? Please, please, please. It seems to me like these ass teams just pick a fucking hype man. Essentially like a quarterback who’s got all this hype, all this talent, and they completely disregard the fucking track record in the NFL of guys who will outwork anyone and who don’t have all that hype rising to the top and being by far the best quarterbacks without even,
Sevan Matossian (18:10):
What should they do? They should trade their pick and get five. I mean, because they can’t protect their quarterback. Now, I don’t know a lot about football, but Ison did not have a lot of time in the locker
Taylor Self (18:19):
When they need four seasoned oline vets that are fucking savages.
Sevan Matossian (18:26):
So I’m saying that
Taylor Self (18:26):
Right? Yeah, you could for sure get ’em with the first round pick trade. I don’t know, dude, I feel like you could get a lot with the first round pick trading, but I don’t know much about the NFL.
Sevan Matossian (18:33):
Okay. Alright. They
Taylor Self (18:35):
Pick these pussy boy quarterbacks who just fucking, they’re pussies and
Sevan Matossian (18:41):
No business being in the NFL. So what happens then? What do you think happens then? Tyson still stays number two, which is good for him, right? I mean, that’s great for him.
Taylor Self (18:49):
The backup QB job in the NFL is probably one of the best jobs you have on the planet.
Sevan Matossian (18:53):
So then that dude, Caleb Williams will be the quarterback, and then if he shits the bed, then Tyson’s matured another year and then gets to go in. I mean, is that what we’re looking at?
Taylor Self (19:02):
Ken Walters is saying, Caleb Williams’ dad said he wouldn’t go to Chicago if he was drafted and he would go back to school.
Sevan Matossian (19:09):
Oh my God. Is that true?
Taylor Self (19:11):
See, that’s a bitch move. If that’s what that kid actually just that response like, oh, you’re going to turn down an opportunity NFL to turn a team around because you’re that much of a little bitch. That’s what I’m saying. You don’t want that guy anyways. You want the guy who comes in saying, I’m going to turn this fucking team around. I’ll do whatever it takes.
Sevan Matossian (19:33):
I think Chicago might have the largest media market in the United States too, and they only have one NFL team. So, okay, sorry. Here. This is what his dad. Oh, Carl Williams. I thought it was Caleb. Sorry. No, it’s This is Caleb’s dad. Yeah. Okay. The truth is he can come back to school. The funky thing about the NFL draft process is he’d almost be better off not being drafted than being drafted first. The system is completely backwards. The way the system is constructed, you go to the worst possible situation, the worst possible team, the worst organization in the league because of their desire for parity gets the first pick. So it is the gift and the curse
Taylor Self (20:13):
Is USC in la.
Sevan Matossian (20:17):
Yeah, kind of. Yeah. That’s what’s
Taylor Self (20:18):
Fucking wrong
Sevan Matossian (20:19):
With, it’s in the ghetto too. It’s weird. It’s like one of the, you
Taylor Self (20:21):
Should draft a single fucking player from that school. They’re woke is fuck. And every bit of their ideology is going to be fucking Sorry. This isn’t supposed to get political, is it?
Sevan Matossian (20:30):
No, no. It always is. It should. We’re not a political show. It’s not that. Yeah. I don’t even know if calling someone woke is political. I don’t think people really know. There’s two words for the words politics. Yeah, I don’t think that’s, I don’t know if they’re woke, they’re woke. That makes it a philosophy show. Oh shit, that guy made a million dollars last year playing in college. I didn’t even know he could do that. Were crazy. Victor Rodriguez, John Elway threatened the same back in the day. He was drafted by the Yankees and he only played his rookie year once he was traded. Wait, John Elway was drafted into baseball too.
Taylor Self (21:16):
So it was Russell Wilson. Yeah. What team was it? The Brewers for? Maybe not. I don’t know. I can’t remember.
Sevan Matossian (21:23):
That’s crazy. Hey, the Taylor stuff versus the world was over. Would you consider it a success?
Taylor Self (21:33):
Yeah, I mean, it was crazy. I mean, I think the coolest part was giving for what I feel like giving people content that was just so raw and exciting and built up and tension around it. And yeah, I mean, for people willing to put their butt on the line and maybe, I don’t think we baited Colton or Jason into anything because I think both of them are pretty familiar with what I’m capable of in a lot of ways, but maybe down wasn’t quite sure. I do think that going back and watching the other content around the open, whether that’s the official announcement, live streams or these Friday night lights, post produced shows that some of the camps have put out. I think we just fucking destroyed. And I just want to give people something that they can have fun watching. I really got obsessed with CrossFit, watching videos of Rich and Hobart in his barn doing workouts with the rep counter and it’s fucking five rounds, 10 deadlifts, 20 wall balls. There’s nothing special about that workout, but it’s just so cool watching ’em do that in that environment, all that stuff. So giving people something they could enjoy and get excited about.
Sevan Matossian (23:00):
Let me pose this to you. This is a thought I had the other day. So there’s all these people that keep saying that. It was the best open announcement there is. It was better than what the games put on. But hold that thought for a second. If we did this, if we did our show on the CrossFit Open, if we did our show on the CrossFit Games channel, let’s say they said, Hey, we’re not going to do the open anymore. You guys do it. Our show is not nearly as good as theirs. The expectations for our show is so low. The expectation for our show is zero. So when we get a 50, they’re like, fuck, the expectations for the CrossFit show is a hundred. So when they get a 50, everyone’s like, fuck you guys. Shit. The bed. I mean, you know what I mean? Our timer’s crooked. It’s bouncing on and off. It doesn’t match the insides. People getting off the equipment early.
Taylor Self (23:52):
Here’s the thing,
Sevan Matossian (23:53):
Dark in the corners. The audio’s all fucked up. Getting
Taylor Self (23:56):
Off the equipment
Sevan Matossian (23:57):
Early.
Taylor Self (23:58):
Here’s the thing, dude. Yeah. Fucking motherfucker. That’s not,
Sevan Matossian (24:03):
But no, but everyone’s like, you guys did fucking great. And I’m just like, yeah, for a trailer park. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly. This the thing we’re cussing, people are getting anal raped on this show. I mean, it’s just fucking, it’s kind of crazy to compare what you like about us is the fact that we are a shit show, but with some hardcore, I mean, you and Colton and Jason did what you had to do, but the rest of us are just scrambling.
Taylor Self (24:30):
I mean, I think first off, the interviews afterward and the commentary during the workout, there’s not outside of Chase Bill, some of those guys, there’s no one. Maybe if you cut the reins off of Adrian Conway, you just take his fucking G leash off that they put on him. I think like, oh, you put these constraints on these announcers. No one commentated as good as Jr or would have. He fucking annihilated it. An and also our post event interviews, you’re not going to get anything like that from CrossFit, which is stupid. You should want that. You should want them out there just saying shit. They would
Sevan Matossian (25:09):
Get a lot of negative feedback, dude, if you’re like, but it’s
Taylor Self (25:13):
All good. We get negative. I don’t care about
Sevan Matossian (25:15):
The negative. You’re barfing on the screen, dude. Fucking cords being seen everywhere. They would get slammed if they did that. But
Taylor Self (25:22):
Here’s the thing. In their attempt to be perfect and to get everyone to like them, I don’t know. It is just my opinion that it’s dodo. It’s straight dodo. What you get from that,
Sevan Matossian (25:34):
I agree with you. But they would get slammed if they did what they did. People are saying, Hey, let’s say people are like, Hey, you should come do, let’s say someone said, Hey, have you thought about putting in a budget proposal for Waap Palooza? We can’t do Waap Palooza because we can’t have people barfing and cords around and people talking about I’ve but fucked you and our show is our show because it’s our show. It can’t be moved or switched to something else, I guess is what I’m saying.
Taylor Self (26:02):
No, I just
Sevan Matossian (26:02):
Think that we can’t do their show and they can’t do our show. It’s the two-way street. They can’t do this.
Taylor Self (26:07):
I agree.
Sevan Matossian (26:08):
They can’t stand the smoke. The heat would be too much.
Taylor Self (26:10):
But I think that’s a bit of a switch and not a dial. They could, meaning that you’re seeing it as in black and white and there’s a little more gray area. There’s area for them to do things a little differently so that they’re not so cookie fucking cutter.
Sevan Matossian (26:23):
Okay, so maybe halfway somewhere. What’s
Taylor Self (26:25):
Your recovery before this event? What’s your diet before this? Ask a different fucking question. Holy shit. Stuff like that. Or pick people hype up the fact that Colton and Justin don’t like each other. Talk about Justin’s fucking camp. Taking the only block of chalk out of Colton’s bucket before the fucking workout. That’s a dickhead move.
Sevan Matossian (26:48):
Yeah, that’s got to be talked about. I agree. What
Taylor Self (26:50):
The fuck, dude? Shit. Talk about it. Hype it up, dude. I don’t fucking know. They shouldn’t have tried to sweep under the rug. The fact that they let a dog in and it ruined Seth Rollins workout. They should have had Dave be like, suck it up pussy. You want to do it again? I don’t know.
Sevan Matossian (27:05):
Yeah. Or Dave, pull out a fucking 12 gauge and put the dog down.
Taylor Self (27:12):
Christ. No, dude, I’m not advocating for that. I
Sevan Matossian (27:15):
Like, I know. Me neither. Of course not. Of course not. How about a Taylor versus the world?
Taylor Self (27:21):
Oh wow. I used to play. Do you know what that is?
Sevan Matossian (27:25):
No.
Taylor Self (27:25):
You sit around in a circle with some dudes, some buddies. Everybody in the circle has to have nuts. So maybe not just dudes, but you got to have balls and you sit around and you have your legs splayed out wide and you have a baseball or a lacrosse ball and you just roll it like that Hungry hippos game.
Sevan Matossian (27:41):
Oh
Taylor Self (27:41):
Shit. And you try to roll it and hit your buddy’s balls, but there’s agreed upon thing that if you start rolling it really fucking hard, that guy might roll it really hard back at you.
Sevan Matossian (27:51):
Right.
Taylor Self (27:53):
You
Sevan Matossian (27:53):
Have to appreciate the fact that even the simplest touch on the nuts. Oh yeah. Let me see. A little nutball. Oh, it’s a jackass game.
Taylor Self (28:02):
Yeah, dude. Fucking legendary game. But I didn’t play it in underwear. That looks like something Jason would do.
Sevan Matossian (28:09):
A Jason Hopper. Yeah,
Taylor Self (28:11):
He would play it in underwear.
Sevan Matossian (28:14):
What’s up Colton?
Colten Mertens (28:16):
Not much. How’s it going guys?
Sevan Matossian (28:17):
Thanks for bringing the hum to the show. That’s great. Our audio was perfect.
Colten Mertens (28:22):
I just turned the furnace off. I should quit here in a couple seconds.
Sevan Matossian (28:25):
Oh, that’s the furnace. What do you mean? What’s a furnace? You mean a heater?
Colten Mertens (28:29):
Yeah, that’s what I know. You don’t have a lot of those out there in California.
Sevan Matossian (28:35):
That’s crazy. I thought it was a hum from your mic. What is that? How does that work? What’s it burning? It’s burning wood.
Colten Mertens (28:41):
It’s burning LP propane. It’s that thing way up there.
Taylor Self (28:46):
Oh fuck
Colten Mertens (28:46):
Yeah. That heats the gym. I just turned it off, but it’s got a delay. It’s what it should shut off here.
Sevan Matossian (28:52):
Nice shot of your titties. Hey, aren’t you afraid that that thing’s going to off gas or something into your space?
Colten Mertens (29:00):
No, but I’m a little bit worried about my stove. I installed my stove and I don’t know what I’m doing, but professionals installed that one. I’m not worried about that one.
Sevan Matossian (29:10):
So what would be the plan for the stove? Mono? Do you have to get some sort of monitor, like carbon monoxide monitor or something in your kitchen? Plug it in next to it.
Colten Mertens (29:20):
Might be a good idea, but you just have to, I guess you know what the gas smells like. So if you smell the gas, you know, have a problem. Yeah. Also, if you know, the first time I connected it, I got the wrong adapters and it started a fire behind the stove. Oh shit. Actually at two in the morning. But I happened to wake up to go pee and I saw a glow coming from behind the stove. So I went and turned the gas off and I fixed it the next day. Holy shit. That’s fucking
Sevan Matossian (29:50):
Crazy. How much damage did the fire do?
Colten Mertens (29:53):
None. It was a small fire,
Sevan Matossian (29:55):
Just a little candlelight. Hey, could that have burned your whole house down if you wouldn’t have gotten.
The above transcript is generated using AI technology and therefore may contain errors.
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