#1001 – Live Call In | Saturday Morning Inoculation

Sevan Matossian (00:00):

Any thoughts on that? Bam. We’re live so we can hear Susie. He just can’t hear us. He’s gone. Oh, he’s gone. Come back, Matthew. We are 28 days away from the seminar up at Craig Howard’s gym, run by Scaled Nation. Shit, I thought I gave you a link to it, but you know what? I don’t think I did. Sorry.

Caleb Beaver (00:27):

I think those notes are the ones from yesterday too. See?

Sevan Matossian (00:30):

Oh, I didn’t add to ’em.

Caleb Beaver (00:32):

Maybe you did.

Sevan Matossian (00:33):

Is there a number 99? Pull for hole on there. Pull for a hole. Oh

Caleb Beaver (00:37):

Yeah, this is last night’s notes.

Sevan Matossian (00:39):

Well, fuck. You don’t have number 99 on there.

Caleb Beaver (00:42):

No, I do not.

Sevan Matossian (00:44):

Oh, okay. Here we go. I’m sending you here. How about that? Take that, Caleb. I’m going to see if eventually we’ll get it pulled up, but it’s September 30th. It’s at Craig Howard’s gym. I think it’s called CrossFit Pleasanton. CrossFit Diablo. Diablo CrossFit. Damn. That was sloppy. Diablo CrossFit. Do we have a title for this show today, by the way? What’s the title for today’s show?

Caleb Beaver (01:20):

I will title it.

Sevan Matossian (01:25):

It is a seminar in the same vein as the CrossFit Kids seminar or the Master seminar, but as a seminar on how to work with large bodied athletes, clients, what the fuck you want to call ’em? People who want to just come into your gym and how to work with them, right? So someone’s a hundred pounds, someone’s five foot two and 280 pounds, and there’s some things you need to know and do in order to accommodate with them, work with them better, learn from others, people’s experiences who’ve worked with large body athletes for a long time, and I’m excited to go to it. And we got a country that’s put on average 29 pounds over the two years that the so-called, what the fuck you want to call that thing? So-called pandemic occurred, and that’s just added on to a nation that just likes to eat and likes to eat refined carbohydrates, and so there’s a huge amount of people who need the service of what CrossFit gyms provide.


Anyway, I’m pumped. Athena’s a dear friend of mine. Incredible story. I originally met her when I did the CrossFit podcast. She’s been on this podcast. She will be coming back to this podcast. Oh, there it is right there. September 30th, Diablo, CrossFit, pleasant Hill, California. That’s just outside. You could fly into San Francisco, Oakland, or San Jose. I am going to film all of the lectures and hopefully talk to some of the participants and then hand that footage over to Miss Athena as a, because to be completely frank, it’s because it’s a convergence of my interests. I like seeing Craig. I like seeing Athena, and it’s because it’s what I want to do. It’s like this is the kind of thing that I’m going to go up and film and I could tell my kids I’m proud I did it. You know what I mean? I stopped at Safeway and by CrossFit Diablo, I used a shopping cart. I didn’t put it away, which therefore helped the economy, and then I filmed and gave my time to save people’s lives. That’s what I actually think I’m doing. I know that’s what I’m doing. By supporting this seminar, I’m saving people’s lives. Prove me wrong.


What’s up, Susan?

Mattew Souza (03:50):

Hi. Good morning.

Sevan Matossian (03:51):


Mattew Souza (03:52):

I could hear you guys. Now

Sevan Matossian (03:54):

What do you think? The small, have you seen how cute this small road or pro is?

Mattew Souza (03:59):

Yes. Like the four buttons,

Sevan Matossian (04:02):

Is that not enough buttons? How many buttons does Caleb need? Does Caleb want all the buttons? He wants more

Mattew Souza (04:08):

Eight buttons.

Sevan Matossian (04:09):

So then he has more sound effects, right?

Mattew Souza (04:12):

I don’t know if that matters about the sound effects. You could usually page over. I think the difference is how many mics could probably be plugged into it.

Sevan Matossian (04:20):

Need doesn’t want. What’d you say?

Mattew Souza (04:22):

I was going to say, I don’t think he needs four mics to plug into it, right?

Sevan Matossian (04:25):

No, not at all.

Mattew Souza (04:27):

Just need the one. So then mini would work.

Sevan Matossian (04:30):

But isn’t that his whole thing? That to add a bunch of sound effects and play with sound effects and do that, wouldn’t more buttons be better for that?

Mattew Souza (04:37):

Well, I don’t think it matters amount of buttons you could page over. Right? You know what I’m talking about? So we have the

Sevan Matossian (04:42):

Same how many times, so you think it holds the same amount of sound effects. You just got to page around for ’em.

Mattew Souza (04:47):

I don’t know if it holds the same amount, but it probably has pages for ’em. Yeah, because this has 2, 3, 4. I have four pages of eight buttons.

Sevan Matossian (04:59):

32. Wow. Yeah. Thank you, Caleb. With the quick math, I’m going over to their website. Fuck it.

Mattew Souza (05:10):

Coffee wants the pods is still up.

Sevan Matossian (05:13):

Where? Huh? Oh,

Mattew Souza (05:15):

Peter’s been up for 28 hours. Oh, man, I saw he barely got any sleep before dad duty kicked in.

Sevan Matossian (05:25):

Sucks to be you.

Mattew Souza (05:27):

That show last night was hilarious. I was laughing so hard so many times.

Sevan Matossian (05:31):

Oh, good.

Mattew Souza (05:32):

Dude, you guys are on fire. Especially Pedro. Oh my goodness. Oh, good. Pedro was rocking it. Yeah, it sucks for Taylor. He really would’ve fit in well there, but

Sevan Matossian (05:43):

He called me this morning to try apologize, to mitigate damage. Hatred. Benham.

Mattew Souza (05:51):

He’s a good boy. He’s a good boy.

Sevan Matossian (05:54):

Duck head, users guide, solution, products, view all studio condensers, interfaces, cameras, broadcast live show the fuck. They have everything except what I want. View all. Okay, fine. View all. I don’t see their, they have a cool site. Oh God, this is really pissing me off. Anyway, we have to figure this out.

Mattew Souza (06:18):

You didn’t just go to Amazon,

Sevan Matossian (06:20):

But I want to see, oh, I’m on the road site and I went high to low and it still doesn’t put up their road caster. What a I want to see. Oh, there it is. Road Caster Duo. Okay. Powerful and credible audio solution. It has six buttons instead of

Mattew Souza (06:45):

Oh six. Yeah,

Sevan Matossian (06:46):

Eight. Unmatched. Ease of use. Don’t care about that. Caleb can figure anything out.

Caleb Beaver (06:56):

Damn right.

Sevan Matossian (06:58):

He’s a scientist. Studio quality sound effects to take your creativity to a new height.

Mattew Souza (07:07):

How many, wow,

Sevan Matossian (07:09):

That’s the whole question. How many sound effects? Click fully

Mattew Souza (07:13):

Smart pads with bank switching.

Sevan Matossian (07:16):

Take creative control with the Smart pads. The Road caster features six programmable smart pads that give you huge creative control at your fingertips. Trigger sounds, music beds or on the fly, echo reverb, blah, blah, blah. Smart Pads six road caster, pro eight. But it doesn’t tell you how many times you can scroll over. Which do you prefer? Small or big? Caleb?

Caleb Beaver (07:49):

More of a small guy.

Sevan Matossian (07:51):


Mattew Souza (07:52):

Look how nice that mini one is. It’s adorable. See, it’s got the buttons to scroll over, so maybe it just has two less options.

Caleb Beaver (08:01):

Yeah, that makes sense. I

Sevan Matossian (08:03):

Agree with, I’m putting in my Amazon card, so after the show I’ll see it and I’ll drop in at Amazon with the Savon podcast.

Mattew Souza (08:12):

Yes. This is the shopping network show, and you’re welcome

Caleb Beaver (08:16):

When we get it. We need to do an unboxed thing and then we need to go through all the features

Sevan Matossian (08:21):

I have to pay us. Oh, who was I thinking about? Oh, I saw a standup arcade game that has 3,200 old games on it and three joysticks and I invited Atari. Yeah, kind of. But it’s got all sorts of games from the arcades back then too. And I invited the founder of the company on, not because I give a shit about him, but I’m hoping that I can get a discount on it.

Mattew Souza (08:49):

Now that we’re 90 minutes into this. I was looking to get one of

Sevan Matossian (08:51):

These. Yeah,

Caleb Beaver (08:54):

What? Those

Mattew Souza (08:54):

Are dope though. Play like Gallica and pinball and

Sevan Matossian (09:00):

All that shit, all that gallica. Hey, some important updates also. So on September 30th, Susan will be there also at CrossFit Diablo. Also, I want you guys to know that Alexis is can’t walk for eight weeks, but she’s in good spirits. Alexis is the chick that maintains Andrew Hiller’s testosterone levels. Also Two Brain Business has a survey they would like you to take if you are an affiliate owner or any gym owner anywhere in the world. And that survey is what makes up the state of the industry report, which is this. You’ve heard me talk about it many, many, many, many times. It’s beautiful. It’s one of a kind. It’s why Two Brain is the leader in gym consulting and basically just an integrity and value add to Jim’s worldwide. You can open this booklet up, this booklet’s free. By the way, it’s not like he’s not making money off of it.

Mattew Souza (10:04):

So good.

Sevan Matossian (10:05):

It actually probably costs him a shitload of money to make. But you can open up to any page and it’s got just information. So I’ll just open up to this page and it. It’s called the group training page, and it says, survey respondents median price for group training is $160 a month, a 67% average percentage of revenue for survey respondents who offer group coaching, meaning that’s 67% of the money a gym makes on average from the people who took the survey comes from group classes. The 2021 price was actually a dollar less. I mean, this thing is full of information. Anyway, the survey, a link to the survey if you’re a gym owner will be in the show notes somewhere. Show notes, yeah. Bio. They’re not even really, we don’t really have show notes, but they’re in our, that’s why those are in where show notes should be. Thank you.

Mattew Souza (10:53):

I don’t know why

Sevan Matossian (10:54):

What, say it again. I

Mattew Souza (10:55):

Just started calling ’em show notes a while back and I’m not really even sure where I got that from.

Sevan Matossian (10:59):

I think it’s good. I think it’s good. I think that’s what most people call. I think your vernacular is right. You producer vernacular.

Mattew Souza (11:05):


Sevan Matossian (11:07):

Thank you to Brandon Waddell. Again, not for one, but two.

Mattew Souza (11:12):

Oh, what?

Sevan Matossian (11:13):

Tyson. I wonder how much they go for now. Tyson, Beijing cards. Hey, I’m learning all sorts of stuff about cards too.

Mattew Souza (11:21):

Like what?

Sevan Matossian (11:22):

I was learning them from Sarah’s husband because he’s a card expert. There’s already been different series of these cards and the one that sold for $2,900 or whatever, the signed one. That was where they actually only printed 10 of those cards. Oh yeah, I have that one down there. The panini score. Wow. Yeah, that’s the one I have. That one’s signed.

Mattew Souza (11:44):

Oh, so that’s what, so it’s a $9 card.

Sevan Matossian (11:47):

Oh wait, what’s that one? Okay, and that one’s not signed. It’s 10. Hey dude. It cost him $11 just to mail this to me. Holy shit. Look at all the Tyson be cards. There are. There’s one for 35 cents.

Mattew Souza (12:06):

That’s a steal. It’s out of the packages.

Sevan Matossian (12:13):

I love the way he talks. I really like his voice. Anyway, that’s our Tyson Bejan update. Crucible. Crucible, crash, crash, crucible. That’s the up and coming premier event in the CrossFit space run by Nostradamus himself, Jr Howell over on the east coast of the United States. It looks like they have Colton Merton’s, James Sprague and Ty Jenkins across the games Champ participating.

Mattew Souza (12:47):


Sevan Matossian (12:48):

And Susan, I think we’ll be going there and we’ll be doing a feed from there. By the way, I got that adapter that supposedly allows you to hook a direct wifi, not wifi, direct ethernet cable to a cell phone. So I got that somewhere here. I also got these.

Mattew Souza (13:15):

Those are amazing.

Sevan Matossian (13:16):

I’m influenced. I was influenced. I was influenced.

Mattew Souza (13:19):

That’s incredible.

Sevan Matossian (13:23):

Okay, let’s do this one first. I need to get this one off the top of the notes here. Oh, wait, nobody had to die. Can we do that one? Well, I sip my paper street coffee. It’s just right at the top. It doesn’t even have a number. Sorry. Then we’ll go to nine. Nine. I don’t think you have the notes. Susie, you got old ones. Oh, okay. Here we go. Here we go.

Speaker 4 (13:47):

Well, it’s finally peer reviewed and published. Ivermectin worked significantly to reduce deaths from C Ovid 19. Let’s go ahead and go over this study. Dr. Pierre. Corey brought our attention to this. He actually tweeted about it saying the preprint of this paper was the final piece of evidence, which convinced me, Paul and the F L C C C, that widespread ivermectin distribution could end the pandemic in October of 2020. Took two years, but now peer reviewed and published in a major journal. So this was a study that he used when it was just a pre-print back in 2020 when he was saying, okay, it’s time to come up with some kind of treatment for Covid 19. And he came up with the F L C C C protocol, which includes ivermectin amongst other things. And people could go on the website and they could figure out, okay, are you just exposed to Covid? Like maybe you’re taking care of somebody or someone in your house has covid. Do you have covid? Did you just test positive? Which variant do you have? And you can look this up on their site and then you could follow whichever protocol they had there listed on their site and it all included Ivermectin. Now, a lot of people pointed at the study that they were using as the pre-print and they said, well, this isn’t peer reviewed and this isn’t published.

Sevan Matossian (15:06):

Okay, okay.

Speaker 4 (15:07):

There’s no there there.

Sevan Matossian (15:08):

Okay. Okay. You guys get it. No one had to die. Not so many people had to die. Now the 87 year old that died in the country with average age of death is 79. Yeah, you got to die


Dusty Willard, easy se the truth will get you a strike. Thank you. It’s nuts. Think of all the people. Mike Sauer, a Belkin ethernet adapter. Don’t forget to disable wifi and cellular when using it. iPhones like to take priority with wifi or cellular. Yeah. Mike, have you used it? Hey, I got the a hundred dollars Belkin one and then I got two knockoffs that are 1999 each. I sent a knockoff to JR and the cable so he can, because we’re going to run a test here. Me and Susan and him are going to run a test in a couple days and I got a bunch of different length cables. I got 150 foot ethernet cable, 50 25. I’m excited. And I got some other fancy dude dads that hopefully will allow us to hook mics up to iPhones that will work with Streamy Yards. So we’ll see. Harry pair of testes. My dad prescribed a number of people Ivermectin with great success. I took it and I felt dramatically better within a day. I know probably two dozen people who took it. None of them got, I don’t know if it worked, but none of them got sick.

Mattew Souza (16:36):

Horse betts.

Sevan Matossian (16:37):

Yeah, one of them. One of ’em did take Ivermectin. That was for a horse. There was on the package. It was at least one I know took it. It was Animal Ivermectin.

Mattew Souza (16:50):

Is there a difference?

Sevan Matossian (16:50):

It’s so crazy that people died. Who could have taken that Caleb’s saying don’t take that. Don’t do the

Caleb Beaver (16:55):

Horse one. No, I’m saying there’s no difference.

Mattew Souza (16:58):

There’s a difference between animal ivermectin and res.

Caleb Beaver (17:02):

I’m pretty sure the only difference is the doses you have to use because obviously if you’re a horse, you’re five times the size of a human pound wise, so that’s the only really difference.

Sevan Matossian (17:16):

Do you know L S D doesn’t work like that?

Caleb Beaver (17:19):

No. You just take one dose across

Sevan Matossian (17:21):

The board. One dose. One dose works the same dose that I think it actually has to do with brain size.

Mattew Souza (17:29):


Sevan Matossian (17:30):

That’s what I heard. I heard if you give just one tab of L Ss D to an elephant, it’ll fuck ’em. Send ’em into the moon.

Mattew Souza (17:37):


Sevan Matossian (17:38):

But if you gave it to him by weight, it would kill him.

Mattew Souza (17:42):

How does one even get a tab of L S D?

Sevan Matossian (17:45):

Just stick it on. Oh, you mean, you mean in this day and age?

Mattew Souza (17:48):

Yeah. That’s foreign to me. I never went down that path

Sevan Matossian (17:53):

Neither. They just got the piece of paper. Someone would just rip off a little piece.

Mattew Souza (17:56):

I saw this thing in a documentary where they dropped it on little pieces of Sugar cube and people would

Sevan Matossian (18:00):

Take, oh yeah, I think I saw the same documentary.

Mattew Souza (18:04):

Yeah. Maybe it’s about Woodstock.

Sevan Matossian (18:07):

Mike Sauer. I am a horse. Okay. Ca gastro. I used Ivermectin. I was better than three hours. Yeah. Shit like that. That’s the kind of stuff I hear from people too. Rectally though. Oh, rectal, thank you.

Mattew Souza (18:23):


Sevan Matossian (18:24):

I used Ivermectin Rectally. Important details. I know a doctor. I know a physician who just took it every week during the entire pandemic.

Mattew Souza (18:34):

Just fucking stayed on it.

Sevan Matossian (18:36):

Yeah, just stayed on it. One a week.

Mattew Souza (18:37):

That’s a flex. Just access to pharmaceuticals like that.

Sevan Matossian (18:41):

Prophylaxis. Hey, this doctor was giving away the ivermectin for free

Mattew Souza (18:45):

Doing the Lord’s work.

Sevan Matossian (18:49):

Interesting. I guess you could do that number 99 poll for whole. This is a premier. This song has not been played anywhere in the world. This will be a seven on podcast exclusive. Look how excited Caleb got. Caleb. Caleb got Oliver Anthony. People please enjoy

Speaker 5 (19:13):

To turn pees to shines. They’ll do it to minors. They don’t care. Lord, I got gigantic feet, but I cut off my feet. Both my butt cheeks are covered in hair. Still got bottle Apple the size of the planet. My name used to be Craig, but I changed it to Janet. Got brainwashed by the internet left holding the bag. I cut my penis off. I could have just been damn shame. What the world’s got to when a creature like me believes that it’s true that he can just wake up and not be a do, but he’s, oh, yes. Living as a girl with a Y chromosome. You ask which man can be women. I’ll tell you which can the ones that trade their pole for a hole, there’s a global mission

Sevan Matossian (20:18):

Pull for a hole. Wow. And to work out some of the kinks. They also did bleep out the F word because they know I don’t use that word or the G word really? On the show.

Mattew Souza (20:27):

That’s good.

Sevan Matossian (20:29):

Yeah. I was like, Hey, I don’t want to offend anyone. Can you take out the F word,

Mattew Souza (20:35):

Make sure, no problem. That JayZ gif this whole time.

Sevan Matossian (20:38):

F a g. I know. I was bobbing my head and I looked, I said, oh, Jay-Z’s feeling this too.

Mattew Souza (20:42):

Yeah. Subconsciously he moves the crowd.

Sevan Matossian (20:45):

I’m not okay with gifts in comments. No, no. Why? Because I just want to, well, hold on. Suzy, are you okay with them? I like them. I like a good gif every now and then. Yeah. Alright. I just think it’s too much. It’s too much. It’s like I feel like it expressive, like nipple piercings. It’s just too much. Come on, just stop the tits. Were fine. It’s just too much. It’s like you’re just slowing me down. You’re just slowing me down. I just want to get through the comments. I don’t really care that you, I’d rather read picture books than real books. Alright, fine. Fair. That’s a good argument. Strong argument. Yeah. That is a good argument than think about it that way.


A lot of people don’t know this about me, but maybe you do. Maybe. I don’t even know. Some guy came and visited me that I met on the internet and I started telling him a story and he goes, Hey dude. I go, what? He goes, I know all of this already. I know you. I was like, fuck. Why should I even talk? I just let him talk. It is kind of weird. He is like, he actually stopped me. Hey dude, I know all this already. I know your whole shtick. I’ll listen to your show. Why tell the story again. Fuck. I was in college and I was in a house that had 1, 2, 3 bedrooms and then a garage and there was a dude living in each bedroom and then two dudes living in the garage. So there were five of us total. And I stayed at the house and I let homeless people stay in my backyard.


And I made a list of all the homeless people that stayed there at least for one day or more throughout the entire year. And it was like 140 and it was like 72 dogs. And there was one guy that lived on the driveway and he permanently lived there and he had a blue Camaro, like an 87 Camaro, and he opened the door of his passenger side and then closed the door with the tarp in there and then drug the tarp over across the fence that he was parked next to. So he didn’t really live in his car, but he lived under the tarp that was parked car tarp, part fence. And he had a dog. What made me think of all this? Well, a couple things. He had a dog and the dog’s name was blue and it was a husky with one blue eye and one brown eye and really creative name.


He was a meth addict. He was meth and nicotine addict. He didn’t drink. He was Christian. Out of the 140 people who lived there throughout the year, I was trying to think, I think he might be the only one that wasn’t a criminal. He was a hardcore Christian. He’d fucking come in the house, just fucking hopped up on meth and just be reading the Bible. And he always says, speed, weeded and nicotine, no alcohol in the library. That’s what his line was. He didn’t drink. He’s recovering alcoholic speed, weeded and nicotine, no alcohol in the library, but everything else. And it was a wild time. He was the only one that I think wasn’t a thief. Almost all of the dudes there. It was probably 130 dudes and 10 chicks. I think that’s the exaggeration. I can only remember one girl, let’s say 1 39 to one. All criminals, few heroin addicts, but mostly alcohol and marijuana and nicotine. That was their some pill poppers back then. They didn’t have the pills that people are doing today. It was mostly, what did they do? There was, what’s the pill? They did?

Mattew Souza (24:04):


Sevan Matossian (24:05):

No, it was even before then.

Mattew Souza (24:08):

Oh, like Vicodin.

Sevan Matossian (24:11):

No, but you’re getting close. It was Valium and something else. Anyway, it’s interesting. I don’t know anyone who ever let homeless people live on their property like that. In my whole life, my housemates hated me and eventually they all left except for two, and homeless dudes with checks ended up moving through ’em. I also don’t, oh, here we go. Oh, Xanax was one of ’em. Valium, there was this other one that, there was this other one. You guys will know it. If you hear the name, you don’t hear it anymore. Quaaludes. Not Quaaludes Perks. No. Prescription. Coca-Cola. I used to drink a diet. I used to drink a lot of Diet Coke back then. I mean a lot.

Mattew Souza (25:03):


Sevan Matossian (25:04):

Logan, Mars. Seban is going to begin to change his story so that he has new revised material. I have the list of all the people in dog’s name somewhere. There was this other list I made after I got out of college too. Out of the, I’m making this number up. I’ll have to find the list. But out of the 232 people I know who had dogs in college, I was the only one whose dog made it home with them. They either gave their dog away, they lost their dog, their dog was hit by a car. The pound. Got it. I was the only not one single college kid besides me. It was a trip. Something happened to ’em. Dogs in college.


Oh yeah, yeah. You want me to hear the Angel of death story? No story. Oh yeah. That story is dark. Anyway, so look at number 98 here. Look at 98. They’re asking people in Massachusetts, by the way. I would never do that again. I would never let homeless people stay with me and my family. I would never ever do that again. I got that out of my system in college. I would never, ever, ever do that again. That is nothing kids or family or productive people should be around. It was more like an anthropological study for myself. I didn’t even do speed. I mean, I smoked, weeded and drank and smoked cigarettes. I I didn’t do the speed.

Mattew Souza (26:32):

Kept it basic.

Sevan Matossian (26:34):

Yeah, I kept it and cool things would happen. You know what I mean? Your house would get a new lamp or there’d be a couch on your driveway you could sit on and you’d see some cool dog fights.

Mattew Souza (26:45):

Your occasional meth explosion in the kitchen. Just fine.

Sevan Matossian (26:48):

I would never, ever Yo Logan Mars do it again. No, there’s no fucking way. There’s no way on top of that my mom was paying my rent. Can you imagine if my mom knew what I was doing with her money? What’d you say? Susa?

Mattew Souza (27:00):

Did you vacuum the place ever?

Sevan Matossian (27:03):

I don’t think we owned a vacuum.

Mattew Souza (27:05):

What did the bathroom look like?

Sevan Matossian (27:09):

What’s funny is the medicine cabinet, I just remember having lots of bottles of stuff that killed lice. Was that deet? Is that what that stuff is that killed, I remember there being bottles of deet in there and every once in a while if you ran out of toilet paper, you’d see some weird shit in the trash can. Like someone wiped their ass with a shirt or something. There would occasional needle in there.

Mattew Souza (27:31):

Oh, who took out the trash can?

Sevan Matossian (27:34):

I don’t even know. I was trying to even remember where the trash cans were in that place.

Mattew Souza (27:38):

Did you ever keep food in the kitchen?

Sevan Matossian (27:40):

Yeah. So they would bring tons of food from the, there were a couple indoor homeless people, ones that were allowed inside. CaRMS was the name of one of ’em. Black guy with dreads, CaRMS. He slept on the couch with my Great Dane in the kitchen. We had a couch in the kitchen.

Mattew Souza (27:59):


Sevan Matossian (28:00):

It was, and he would bring food from the church or, you know what I mean, just like cardboard boxes full of food. And then I would make it all up in pots. I was usually the cook. I don’t know what the percentage of the det was, but eventually I had crabs when I lived at that house and I thought I, I would fight them off myself by picking them out. Have I ever told you that story?

Mattew Souza (28:24):


Sevan Matossian (28:26):

But when I had crabs, it is

Mattew Souza (28:27):

Crazy. I didn’t even know that was a real thing.

Sevan Matossian (28:29):

Yeah, they eat your pubic hair and then they sit in the hair follicle and then you see ’em and then you can just scrape ’em out with your fingernail. And if you look closely, you’re like, motherfucker, you’re a crab. He’s got pinchers and shit. Holy. I think they eat the pubic hair and then hang out in the follicle. Is that what that hole is called? Those little holes

Mattew Souza (28:48):

Follicle? Yeah. Hair follicle.

Sevan Matossian (28:51):

Anyway, and after two months of warring with them, I never told you this, I would pick, this is going to trip you out. Here you go. I would pick the crabs off my hair follicle and I stored them in an Altoids container. I had a thousand crabs. Dude.

Mattew Souza (29:09):

Did you name ’em all and make a list?

Sevan Matossian (29:11):

No, but it was crazy.

Mattew Souza (29:14):


Sevan Matossian (29:15):

You? Dude, so many people are telling me this. Oh look, Bruce knows. Okay, so I’ve told this story Chevy, your kids need to learn how to golf. Their pro reception would make them naturals. Everyone keeps telling me that. Someone went by me in Newport Beach the other day and was like, Hey, you got to get your kids into a golf. Anyway, I ended up using deeded on my pubes and I killed them.

Mattew Souza (29:35):


Sevan Matossian (29:39):

What’s crazy is one day I came home, I was going to college at the time I came and I had a king-sized mattress on the floor that I probably found out in the street somewhere. That’s probably how I got the crabs. And I came home and there were like 10 or 11 people sitting on my mattress smoking my weed. And it was during the peak of my crab infestation.

The above transcript is generated using AI technology and therefore may contain errors.

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